Chapter 6
Noah
It nearly killed me to leave two days after the big fight with Kiki, but she wasn’t talking to me, and my very presence seemed to upset her. I had no intention of ending things, but it might be a good thing all around for us to be apart for a few weeks because I didn’t know what was going on with her. I really needed to talk to someone, but it had been impossible while I’d been home. Now that I was on the road again, I was busy as hell, but Kiki and the baby were always on my mind.
“You okay, bro?” Bash asked me on my third day back. I’d been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, working for both bands with no break between shows.
“Busy,” I replied.
“Yeah, I know, but Brianna told me there’s some trouble at home. I wondered if you needed to talk or anything.”
He was the best brother-in-law a guy could ask for, and I took a minute to gather my thoughts.
“I don’t know what’s going on with her,” I said simply. “She said we should use the time we’re apart to think about what we want going forward.”
He frowned. “Has she ever said anything like that before, or did this come out of left field?”
“She’s suddenly really upset about the fact that my job keeps me on the road for months at a time.” I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. “I don’t know how to fix that because I need to work. She seems to think waiting tables is a viable career option for me, but that’s bullshit, and we both know it. I’m guessing she’s insecure about taking care of the baby on her own or something? But she wouldn’t talk to me. She literally shut me out. Completely.”
“Bri thinks there might be some postpartum depression going on,” Bash said quietly.
Guilt hit me right in the gut.
Why hadn’t I thought of that?
It made sense.
Not that I knew what to do about it.
“Is Kiki receptive to that idea?”
“I’m not sure.” Bash scratched his head. “Bri’s trying to talk to her, but she seems to be pissed at everyone and everything. Not the baby,” he added quickly. “Bri and the girls from the catering company stop by regularly, and the baby’s fine.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “I love her, but I can’t go home to be a busboy who might work his way up to bartender someday.”
He winced. “Yeah, that’s not ideal. Have you ever thought about engineering? Sound engineering, I mean.”
“Like working in a recording studio?” I asked. “Sure. I’d love that, but I’d need to go to school for it, and I can’t do that and work.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, it’s a little complicated, but not impossible. Let me think about it and make some calls. I’m wondering if they need anyone at Casey’s studio.” Casey Hart, who owned the record label Nobody’s Fool was signed to, also owned a recording studio in Las Vegas.
“I appreciate you, man, but listen, I gotta go.”
“Go on. We’ll figure this out, okay? I don’t want you to worry.”
I paused, eyeing him. “You worried I’m going to slip up? Get drunk or high or something?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yeah, a little.”
I smiled.
It didn’t offend me that the people I was closest to worried about me. I worried about me, so it was nice to know I wasn’t alone. Battling addiction was a never-ending thorn in my side, so knowing my friends and family had my back was important.
“I’m good, bro. For real. I wouldn’t do that to my girls. Even if one of them is being a pain in my ass right now.”
He chuckled.“You’d come to me if it got to be… too much? Right?”
“I would. You have my word.”
“Okay.” He slapped me on the shoulder. “Now get your ass back to work.”
I turned and headed backstage.
I had plenty to do, but contrary to what Kiki thought, she was never far from my mind. And now that we had Beth? I thought about them non-stop. I’d been confused about the way Kiki was behaving, but now it made sense. If she had postpartum depression, it needed to be dealt with. Either by talking to a professional, taking medication, or both. Whatever it took, I’d support her decisions, but she had to let me back in.
That was the biggest roadblock.
Even though I didn’t really have the time, this was too important to put off, so I called my sister.
“Hey!” She sounded surprised to hear from me. “How are you?”
“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time, but I just talked to Bash. How’s Kiki?”
She huffed out a frustrated-sounding breath. “I think she’s in rough shape, but she’s not willing to acknowledge it.”
“What do we do? She won’t talk to me either. She sends me pictures of the baby every couple of days, but she won’t pick up the phone when I try to call and most of my texts get one-word answers.”
“I know. She’s not opening up to me either.”
“Fuck, Bri. Can we do some kind of intervention?”
“I’m working on it. Look, I’m keeping an eye on her, but I’m driving back and forth from L.A. so I don’t see her every day. The truth is, she needs you. I know you have to work, it’s just…”
Another wave of guilt washed over me. “I know, dammit, but if I don’t work, we won’t eat,” I grumbled. “We have a little money put away, but I don’t know what to do, sis. I really don’t.”
“I don’t either, but I’m going to talk to her, and this time make her listen.”
“I appreciate it. Just keep me posted, okay? Please?”
“Of course.”
“I love you, sis.”
“Love you too.”
We disconnected, and I stuffed my phone in my pocket.
I was scared and worried and sad, but there was nothing to be done tonight.
Tomorrow was a day off so I’d do my best to reach out to Kiki.
Again.
As many times as necessary.
I just hoped that when we got past whatever this was, she would still love me.