Chapter 23 #2
Within the same breath, his tone changes so quickly, and I don’t know what to say. I’ve never seen Patrick angry before, but I would not want to be on the receiving end of this.
“She is a fucking psychopath! Holy shit—” He starts to stand up and walk towards the door before I grab his arm.
His body towers over me as he turns around.
While I don’t actually stand a chance at stopping him, I’m grateful that the action is enough to get him to still.
“Ellie, let me go. She can’t get away with this shit. ”
“Patrick. Listen to me—”
I try to keep my voice calm, but honestly, I’m also upset.
It is one thing to be jealous about someone else’s relationship, but it is another thing to sabotage it.
Even so, there's nothing we can do about this right now. We have no idea if Rebecca is still down at the bar, and even if we did, I don’t want to know what Patrick would do or say.
“It’s not worth it. Not right now.” I beg, squeezing my hands around his forearm, and all I can feel is his warmth. My voice is quiet. “Stay here with me, please.”
There is something in his eyes. It looks like remorse, but I can’t quite tell.
His body shifts to stand in front of mine, and when he reaches down to cup my face, I lean into his hold.
If I was smart, I would step back and give us some space, but it feels too good to be close to him.
“El, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I promise that I’m going to do something about it. ”
“You don’t have to. I’m not really your girlfriend, so it’s not like you have to defend my honor,” I respond, knowing that none of this matters.
At some point soon, Patrick and I will fake break up, and everything will go back to the way it was.
The only interaction we’ll have is some brief moments at The Brew, and Rebecca’s nonsense will be nothing but a funny anecdote to tell at parties.
He rubs his thumbs gently across my cheekbones. “I want to defend you, El. Fake girlfriend or not. You mean something to me.” A soft kiss is placed on my forehead, and it takes him an extra second to pull away. “Fuck, I really don’t know how this happened.”
That’s a joke, right?” I scoff, having it come out harsher than I intended.
His features become confused as I move out of his grip. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Patrick, do you not realize how many women in your office are pining after you? When I was in the bathroom yesterday, I overheard—” My lips slam shut when I realize that I don’t actually want to admit this to him.
“Ellie.” His voice is firm. “What did you overhear in the bathroom?”
“Oh, it was really nothing.” Crossing his arms over his chest in a ‘annoyed parent’ move, Patrick takes a step back and sits on the bed, waiting for me to continue.
That intimidating look shouldn’t work, but the words come spilling out of me.
“Okay, fine. When I was in the bathroom after dinner last night, there were these women talking about how they thought you were attractive and how they wanted to be with you. They didn’t understand why you would be with someone like me, and I get it.
I’m not conventionally attractive, and I’ve never been the one people are interested in.
No one my age ever really shows interest, so I just assume that maybe they’re right, you know? ”
A tick in his jaw leads me to believe that I’ve somehow pissed him off, but when he speaks, his tone is gentle, cautious. “Are you being serious?”
I nod.
“Fuck, El. How could you think that no one wants you?
You are gorgeous, hilarious, witty, smart—" He covers his face with his hands, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I can’t even fathom all of the things that you are. There is no denying that you are literally everything anyone could want.”
My voice comes out louder and more defensive than I anticipated.
“You can say that all you want, but it won’t make me believe you.
How am I supposed to think that’s true when everything in my life says otherwise?
How can I be all of those things when literally no one has been interested in me since my ex?
Well, other than the creepy guys who hit on me at The Brew, but they shouldn't count.”
I throw my arms up, failing at trying not to be overdramatic, but I’m feeling embarrassed by the way he overexaggerates. I hate when guys only say things to be nice because all it does is create a false sense of security.
His chin lifts in defiance, and there is an edge to his voice. “Is that because no one is interested or because you’re not letting anyone be interested?”
The answer to his question should be obvious, but it isn't. While I want to tell him that no one is interested in me, it also stands that I haven't been open to letting anyone in either. That shouldn't be as surprising as it is. The barrier between me and everyone else is a wall I built myself.
“I-I don’t know.” A magnetic pull draws me towards Patrick.
As my body moves closer, my breath gets caught in my lungs until I’m standing right in front of him.
I have no idea what I’m doing, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
My gaze moves down to meet his as I step between his legs.
“But if I’m being honest, it doesn’t even matter because I don’t care about anyone. ”
“What’s that supposed to mean, El?” His breathing gets shallow, and his fingers play with the hem of my dress. I want him so bad, but his hands don’t move, staying down by my side. He is close enough to make me ache but makes no move to actually touch me.
That’s it. I can’t take it anymore.
Patrick has said so many things tonight that make me feel wanted and desired, and I’m ready to call his bluff.
If he wants me, fuck it, he can have me, but if he doesn’t, then I’ll know that I was right—and beg Natalie to let me sleep on the couch in her room.
If there is a time to be bold, it is right now.
Pushing my nerves down, I manage to keep my voice steady. “Do you want me, Patrick?”
The air around us is thick with silence and static electricity. The fingers that nervously play with the edges of fabric on the bottom of my dress stop. He opens his mouth like he’s about to speak, but closes it.
The anticipation is killing me and making me doubt everything up until this point.
My mind starts moving fast.
He doesn’t want me, and I just ruined everything that we have. I think about pulling away, cutting my losses, and going home, but those thoughts instantly stop when I feel his touch for the first time.
I hold my breath as he trails his hands up my sides, starting right above my knees and slowly moving up.
Too fucking slowly.
It’s like he is scared to touch me. He moves his fingers along the curves of my hips and stops to hold my waist. His grip is soft as he stares at where he touches me, like he couldn’t possibly look anywhere else.
“God, Ellie. Of course, I want you—can’t you see what you do to me?
" His low, breathy words make my heart pound in my chest. "Fuck, do you have any idea how much self restraint it takes not to have my hands all over you? It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a pretty little dress or an oversized shirt and sweats because all I can think about is your fucking body.
When you kissed me at the park today, I almost tossed you over my shoulder, brought you up here, and—” He stops himself from finishing the thought while his hands run slowly up and down the sides of my body, like he’s holding something delicate.
Like if he holds me too tight, I might break.
“But, I asked you to help me with this whole fake relationship thing, and I don’t want to be the one to ruin this.
I don’t want you to think I’m some sort of creep who asked for your help and then took advantage of it.
You are too important, and I can’t let my urges wreck our agreement. ”
The nerves cause my hands to shake, but I lean into them, knowing this feels right. “God, Patrick, you have no idea what you’re doing to me, do you?”
It has been years since I’ve put myself in this type of situation, but I can’t resist. The slickness is building between my thighs, and I can feel myself getting wetter as his hands move over the silky fabric at my sides. I don’t think I can stop myself. I don’t want to stop myself.
He gives me permission with two simple words that push me over the edge. “Show me.”
My hands move through his hair, pulling to tilt his face up towards mine, and without a chance to hesitate, I smash my mouth into his with hunger.
I’m terrified for a moment that I might have read the situation wrong until he grips my waist hard and pulls me onto his lap so that I’m straddling him.
His hands reach around to hold me steady, cupping my ass, as a low groan leaves his lips. “Fuck, El. You are so fucking hot.”
I can feel him growing harder when I grind myself against his hips. Whining as his mouth leaves mine, my body shivers as he trails sloppy kisses down my neck and collarbone. He bites the meat of my shoulder, and I release a tiny yelp.
He smirks up at me. “What? I thought you said you liked when a guy is rough with you.”
When the fuck did I say that to Patrick. I haven’t…
“Oh no—”
Letting out a gasp, I push against him, but his strong grip keeps me on his lap. My memory sparks as I remember flashes of sitting on my couch with Patrick, but that was a dream, right?
I try to find words, but my brain turns to mush when he kisses my neck again. He puts his lips up against my ear, and my nipples harden against the lace of my bra—the added friction is unbelievably delicious.
“You have such a dirty mind, El. I haven’t been able to get your drunken confession out of my head since that night. Who knew you’re such a little slut?” His hand squeezes my breast, and a moan slips out of me. “You hide it so well, baby.”
His words make me squirm in his lap, and if he were to touch me where I need him, he would find me dripping.
This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I’ve never had the guts to tell anyone what I want in the bedroom, not even my ex. I’ve always been afraid that they would use it against me or judge me for it, but not Patrick.
Trusting him more than I’ve trusted anyone before, I let my guard down.
He moves one of his hands up the base of my neck and into my hair, kissing up and down my jaw as he speaks.
“El, I want you so bad. Please, let me have you. I want to taste you, hear you begging for me. I want to hear the sounds you make when my cock is filling you up. I want to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.
” My breathing becomes sharp. “But I’m not going to do those things without your permission.
This is only good for me if I know that it’s something you want. You say no, and I stop right now.”
I am surprised by his candor, and it’s relieving.
He yanks me back with a handful of my hair, so I can look him in the eyes.
With his other hand gripping my hip, he stops me from grinding down onto him, his actions demanding a response.
He stares at me expectantly, so I nod my head, trying to catch my breath.
He pulls my face close to his, and our lips almost touch. There is nothing I need more right now than to kiss him, but he holds me back, his green eyes piercing through me. “Baby, I need you to use your words. Do you want me to do all of that? Do you want me to use you?”
“Y-yes.” I stutter and feel his hand snake around to grab my ass.
“Good girl.” He kisses me hard, but as soon as I lean in, he pulls away. “If you want me to stop at any point, just say the word. I won’t be upset or mad. You’re in control of the situation.”