Chapter 30
Ellie
I swear there's been thirty minutes left of my shift every time I've checked the time, and it’s killing me. Exhaustion has taken over my life from all of the school stress, but I’m relieved that it’s almost over.
There are only three classes left of this summer semester, and they cannot come fast enough.
Tomorrow’s class is focused on conferencing and peer reviewing for our final essay, and I’m feeling surprisingly okay about it.
I have always been good at putting my thoughts and ideas onto paper and articulating that way. That is one of the reasons why I’ve always loved English. The writing and reading aspects feel like home to me.
It’s the public speaking and group discussions that I am not confident in.
I have a tendency to hesitate and second guess myself which is traumatizing in a socratic seminar because nobody waits for you to be ready.
You just have to just dive in and commit to what you want to say.
I also never know if my notes are actually going to be helpful because the discussion can change based on what ideas are brought up.
The discussion itself might be based on an overarching topic, but the specifics are determined by the group and where our conversation takes us.
Luckily for me, the socratic seminar hit on two different ideas that I was able to connect to my notes.
Even though it went well, I was still shaking through the whole thing.
My nerves were absolutely shot for the rest of the night which made sleeping nonexistent, so this whole morning, I’ve been kind of a wreck.
It feels like being hungover, but without the vomiting.
I spent so much energy and time focusing on doing well yesterday that there's nothing left for today.
While I was doing a good job at appearing happy and pleasant for the first part of my shift, now I am just over it.
Letting out a deep sigh, I am grateful when I see Lily stroll in because I know that means it’s almost time to go home.
It’s impressive how she manages to be cute and put together for every shift, or at least all the shifts I see her for, but I still don’t understand how she does it.
She is wearing a flowy white blouse and pastel pink pants, and if she wasn’t already at work, I would be convinced that she’s going somewhere to have brunch.
Her hair is styled into a long braid down her back that is flawless.
I try not to compare my appearance to hers because comparison is the thief of joy—and I haphazardly threw myself together at 4 a.m.
She walks up to stand in the line which confirms my assumption that she is definitely a little early, so I still have to suffer through at least ten more minutes of making drinks.
We get two free shift drinks every time we work, and we are supposed to have someone else ring it in.
If I'm being honest, I never remember and always just ring them in at the end of my shift.
But, Lily does it the correct way every time, even if it means getting here ten minutes before her shift starts.
Ever since Lily started working here, she has always been a rule follower, which I appreciate.
Despite my rebellious shift drink attitude, I’m too anxious to not follow all of the other rules at work.
If something is done wrong, someone will find out, and I will get in trouble.
Although that is less than likely, it is what my brain tells me every single time I think about skipping something or taking a shortcut.
There are a lot of places where the people who work different shifts become frustrated with each other, but Lily and I are pretty good at setting the other one up for success. She approaches the bar and offers me a smile. “Ellie! How are you? How did your seminar go? Good I hope?”
Lily is not the kind of person to ask because she is being polite. She sincerely cares how I did, and I appreciate how genuine she is.
“Better than I was planning! I think I should get a decent grade because I had some relevant points and was able to back them up with solid evidence. That seminar was the biggest concern of the semester, so I’m just glad it’s over.”
“That’s so amazing! I knew you were going to do well.
” The tone of her voice makes it seem like she is proud of me, and since I desperately need words of affirmation to keep me going, I will take it at face value.
I don’t expect her to say anything else, but she adds, “You seem really happy lately, Ellie.”
Her words surprise me, but I don’t know why she says it. I’ve been such a mess lately, especially at work. “Oh, thank you. I don’t know if I agree with you, but I’ll take your word for it.”
“I promise I’m not making it up! I really think you seem happier!” She laughs. “I’ve been wondering if it has anything to do with that guy who I saw you talking to in the lobby last month. He was very handsome, and he looked at you like you were the only person in here.”
Last month? In the lobby?
All of a sudden, it dawns on me. She must be talking about my first meeting with Patrick when he came in here to propose the idea of fake dating. I chuckle at the memory, but my suspicions rise. “You haven’t been talking to Nick lately, have you?”
“No. Why?” She tilts her head and looks at me inquisitively, and I realize that her opinion has not been influenced by any outside source.
That’s odd.
“No reason. Um, yeah. That was Patrick, and we’ve been dating for a little bit.”
“Oh, yay! Well, I think you two are good for each other.” She grabs her iced caramel macchiato from me and goes into the back to get ready for her shift.
I spend the next couple hours contemplating and dissecting Lily’s words, and our conversation has me questioning everything. Do I really seem that much happier? Is it Patrick? It would have to be because nothing else has changed other than my fake relationship status, right?
I’m sure Lily was just trying to be nice, but if it is her honest observation, what do I do about it?
Shaking off the feelings, I try to focus on the changes I need to make to my final paper.