Chapter 41
Ellie
Nick begged me to go and hang out at Working Class tonight, but I am not interested in the slightest. My comfy clothes are on, and I have no desire to sit in a bar and try to be social tonight.
I’ve been picking up extra shifts lately to make more money for next semester, but it has been causing me to feel completely drained, physically and mentally.
It’s not like I have anything better to be doing, but I didn’t realize how big of a toll it was taking on me.
The most I can do right now is lay on the couch and stare at the television while it soothes my tired soul.
It has to be a slow night at the bar because Nick keeps texting me about how bored he is. As I’m about to put my phone on ‘do not disturb’, I get an unexpected message.
Nick: Patrick is here.
A pang of sadness hits me hard, and I take a deep breath before I respond.
Ellie: I don’t care.
Nick: Maybe you should…There’s a blonde girl all over him.
Ellie: It doesn’t matter. I’m not his girlfriend, and I never was.
Ellie: He can do what he wants.
I am so sick of thinking about Patrick. Yes, he said that we would stay friends, but neither of us has tried to reach out to the other. So, I guess this is how it’s going to be.
Placing my phone on the coffee table just out of reach, I do a good job at ignoring it for an hour. When the credits start rolling, I decide that it’s time to check on Nick. Ten unread messages fill the screen—he is such a drama queen—but only the last one catches my eye.
Nick: I just overheard him telling that girl that he’s moving.
I’m filled with a rush of anxiety as my fingers move fast over the screen.
Ellie: Moving? What? Where?
Nick: Oh….so now you care… *rolling eyes emoji*
Nick: I don’t know much. I think he said something about Raleigh?
Ellie: Fuck.
Ellie: That’s where his family lives.
I am fuming.
I understand not wanting to talk to me after I made him lose his job, but he said that we’re friends. At least, I thought we were friends. It's not a very friendly thing to do to move to a completely different state and not tell each other about it. That's not something friends keep to themselves.
Needing to fact check this before I freak out anymore, I pull up Natalie’s number and type out a message. I should probably include some formalities, but I can’t think straight.
Ellie: Is Patrick moving to Raleigh?
Natalie: Ummmm, I’m not sure.
Natalie: He said that is his back up plan, but I didn’t realize that he was there yet…
Natalie: Is everything okay?
Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m getting in my car to drive to Working Class. I need answers straight from the source, and I need them now.
Surprisingly, the bar is packed.
With all of the times Nick has texted me, I thought the place would be empty, but I was wrong.
When scanning the crowd for Patrick, my eyes fall on Wes first. He is wearing a ridiculous birthday sash and taking shots with a few girls in flashy outfits.
Patrick must not be far from him, and looking around, I immediately spot him leaning on the bar.
My feet start moving before I have a chance to think about what I’m going to say.
The car ride over did nothing to calm my anger about the situation because I find myself more heated than ever when walking over to him. It isn’t until I’m right in front of him when he notices me. His eyes get wide, and the look of surprise just pisses me off more.
“Ellie? What are you doing here?”
If I weren’t so upset, I would probably be more distracted by how handsome he looks.
It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him, and I didn’t realize how much my body subconsciously aches for him.
My heart is beating so hard that I’m worried it’s going to explode out of my chest. Sweat covers my palms, and I try to resist the urge to wipe them on my pants.
Keep it together, Ellie.
Before I have a chance to answer, a hand pops out at me, and it’s attached to the very beautiful, very drunk woman hanging on Patrick’s arm. She’s wearing a tiny white sequin dress and looks like a literal angel. “Hi, I’m Olivia!”
Fuck, I forgot that Nick said he had been flirting with someone all night. I’m such an idiot. Why did I come out here? To embarrass myself more?
I make the only move I can, which is to shake her hand and exchange pleasantries. “Ellie. Nice to meet you.”
“I love th—at name!” She hiccups in the middle of the sentence and giggles it off.
It is blatantly obvious when she checks me out because her whole head moves, not just her eyes.
Right when I expect her to make a nasty comment to make me back off, her face lights up, and in the most genuine way, she says, “Oh my gosh! You are so cute! I wish I was smart enough to wear sweatpants out tonight! You look so comfy!”
The panic sets in, realizing that, in my haste, I did not think about changing into a socially-appropriate outfit.
I look down at my cropped black tank top and matching black sweatpants, and heat fills my cheeks.
The only saving grace is that I chose to wear a neutral-colored lazy outfit instead of something plaid or neon or whatever else was in my clean laundry pile.
My gaze switches to Patrick who has barely said a single word since I showed up. He looks confused, or maybe that’s just the alcohol. Trying to fake my confidence, I push my shoulders back and give a fake smile. “I’m sorry, Olivia. I just need to borrow Patrick for a couple minutes.”
“Oh, that’s fine. Just make sure to bring him back. He’s a cutie pie.” The jealousy creeps up into my bones, and I do my best to keep the daggers in my eyes at bay and maintain the smile on my face.
Turning on my heels, I walk decisively out of the bar and towards the parking lot. I’m too scared to look back to see if Patrick is following me out, but the footsteps behind me clue me in as I move into the cool night air.
“Who was that?” I spit out as I turn around. There’s a sharpness in my tone that I don’t mean, but it’s too late now.
Patrick shoves his hand in his pockets and looks at the ground, keeping his eyes anywhere but on me. “That’s Olivia. It’s her birthday today.”
The mundane response upsets me more. My original plan is completely derailed, and I can’t even remember why I came here. “Are you dating her?”
Patrick lets out a small laugh. “No, we just met tonight.”
“Oh, well, you guys are really cute together; I wouldn’t blame you.”
He blinks at me, mouth agape, as I try to play off whatever it was I just did, and it’s like he can see through me.
“Are you jealous?”
“Woah, I’m definitely not jealous. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I start to ramble, and I can’t stop myself. “What do I even have to be jealous of? It’s not like we're dating each other. You can date or not date whomever you want, Patrick. It’s no chip off my shoulder.”
He raises an eyebrow at me and smiles like it’s amusing watching me make a fool of myself. “So, why are you here, El?”
And just like that, I remember all the anger I felt on my way here.
“Ugh, don’t ‘El’ me. You’ve lost the privilege of calling me that!” I throw my hands up, feeling ridiculous while pacing around the outside of Working Class. “Do I not matter to you? Because right now, that’s what it seems like.”
The smug look disappears from his face as I keep going before he has a chance to respond.
“I can’t believe that you were just going to move away without saying anything.
That’s fucking bullshit, and you know it!
You said that we were friends. You said that.
And, I don’t know if you know anything about how friends work, but they don’t just move away to another state without telling each other.
I get things are weird now or whatever and maybe that’s my fault, but that’s such a jerk move.
You can’t just make me care about you, and then do this.
How were you not going to tell me about this? Are we even friends?”
Tears are welling in my eyes, and I can’t stop them from rolling down my cheeks.
I fucking hate that my body does this. I want to be strong and solid and not show any resistance, but here I am crying in a parking lot, failing at keeping my shit together.
Wiping my hand over my cheeks, I try to undo the damage, but it can’t be stopped.
Patrick steps towards me, reaching his hand out to touch my face, but I take a step back. His hand drops back to his side, and his eyes look hurt when he starts to speak. “Of course you matter, El. You have no idea how much you mean to me.”
Oh.
He continues. “I don’t even know if that’s what I’m doing yet.
It’s just a back-up plan anyway, and I don’t think I’m going through with it.
And, don’t put the weirdness solely on me!
I wasn’t the only one who wanted to end our fake relationship; you were so quick to agree to stop seeing each other.
I didn’t realize how miserable you were spending time with me that we didn’t even bother having a real discussion.
Also, the phone works both ways. You haven’t tried reaching out to me either—”
Hearing his words trail off, I try to find the anger in Patrick's voice, but there is none. All I can hear is frustration and disappointment.
The pangs of defeat in his voice trigger a new feeling inside of me. It makes me want to stop pretending like all of this bullshit between us is okay. So, I don’t hold back.
“Jesus, Patrick! Can’t you see I was just doing what you wanted!
You were the one droning on and on about why we should stop seeing each other—sorry, fake seeing each other—and I just wanted you to stop talking.
I couldn’t take it anymore. It hurt too much to hear you say all of that.
Fuck, I can’t believe that I was going to tell you that I liked you for real before that whole Greg thing happened.
I’m such an idiot thinking that you might've actually liked me back. Well, I’m glad I dodged that bullet because—”
“Wait, El, stop!” I don’t even realize that I’m still pacing back and forth until Patrick grabs my shoulders, holding me still. “What did you just say?”
I blink up at him. My mind going blank with the intensity of his stare. “Uhhh, that you were the one who wanted to stop fake dating?”
“No, no. The other thing.” His smile is blinding, and I realize what I did.
“Oh, um, that I was going to tell you that I liked you for real?” I throw my head back and groan. “Oh god, it feels so stupid now, especially seeing you in the bar with that girl—”
“El, stop rambling for just a second?” Patrick’s hands move up to cup my face, so I have to look at him.
I don’t know what I expect to see, but all of his disappointment and frustration is gone when my eyes meet his.
They’re bright and green and full of hope.
My pulse is racing from his touch, and I didn’t realize how much I missed the feeling of being so close to him.
“I don’t want that fucking girl in there. I want you.”
Before I have a chance to process anything, his lips crash into mine. Our kiss is desperate and hungry. He tips my head back to deepen it, and all of the suffering and loneliness from the last month disappears.
“Fuck, baby. I missed you so much.” He places a string of gentle kisses on my lips, and I can’t stop myself from smiling. “El, how could you think I didn’t like you back? You are literally all I’ve ever wanted. Do you know how hard it’s been without you?”
“Yeah, I have some idea.” I roll my eyes, but all he does is smirk at me with that same smug expression.
“You are such a smart ass.”