Chapter 40
Patrick
Three weeks without seeing Ellie feels like forever.
It’s my own fault. I got too comfortable being with her, and I was naive. Our conversation on the car ride back to her apartment lives constantly in the front of my mind.
Part of me wishes that I didn’t suggest calling it off, but what was I supposed to do? Tell her that I wanted to keep our fake relationship going for no reason?
The whole basis of our ruse was to trick Greg into thinking that we were a couple, so I wouldn’t seem like a liar and Ellie had an excuse to keep him away from her. If she didn’t ask, I could’ve blamed blissful ignorance and kept seeing her, but she did.
Of course she did.
So much of our lives have been disrupted by this charade, I’m not surprised she needed an answer. Her day was already an emotional rollercoaster, and she needed some stability. I can’t blame her for that.
If I wasn’t so distracted from quitting my job, I would’ve told her that I love spending time with her, that she makes me happy, that I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time, but I couldn’t think straight. Even if I could have told her how I really feel, it wouldn’t have ended well.
The sound of her voice keeps playing on repeat in my head. She didn’t even wait one minute before agreeing to calling off the fake relationship. She was so set in her answer, I barely got the words out. Thinking about it now, it was probably for the best, but it still fucking hurts.
Giving her so much space hasn’t been on purpose, but now that I am not going to work everyday, I don’t see her in the morning.
Whether it’s my shitty homemade coffee or not seeing Ellie, the world just seems duller.
I just want to sink into my bed and forget it all, but everything reminds me of her.
Now that I’ve seen her beautiful curves wrapped in my sheets, laying here feels empty without her.
I can’t spend too long in my kitchen without thinking about her sitting on my counter with her legs spread.
It’s not just the sex either; I flat out miss everything about her.
When I close my eyes, I see her smile. When I’m trying to sleep at night, I hear her voice. During quiet moments, my mind wanders to how her nose scrunches up when she laughs and how making her laugh made me feel good. No matter what I do, my mind goes to her.
I’ve picked up my phone at least a half-dozen times, but everything I write feels wrong.
I expected Wes and Natalie to overreact and get mad at me when I told them we broke up, but they were more confused than anything else.
The mediocre excuse I made up was that we had a deep conversation in the car ride back to her house.
We talked about what we wanted and what was important to us, and they just weren’t the same things.
I told them that we decided it would be easier to split up now than stay and get more attached.
Somehow, they believed it.
Natalie has been making a habit out of visiting Ellie at The Brew every morning and sends me updates about her.
I didn’t ask her to do that, but she always has a sixth sense about what people need.
When I found out that Ellie’s manager agreed to ban Greg from their store, I was grateful.
Apparently, with Ellie’s permission, Natalie told Ellie’s manager what happened in the office, and he finally confronted Greg, telling him that if he comes back again, they will call the police.
While that only solves part of the issue, it's a start.
Sitting alone in my house, I have had nothing but free time, and I refuse to waste it.
There is a way to fix all of this, but I’m not sure if it will all work out.
Even if everything goes perfectly, nothing can be set in motion for at least another week, so deciding I need a back-up to my back-up plan, I get to work.
If we have to live in a world where the ‘Gregs’ are constantly getting away with awful shit like this, the only thing to do is to prepare for the worst.
As of right now, I still don't have a job, and despite all of the applications I have been sending out, it doesn't stop the job market from being over-saturated. There is always an influx of applicants in June when people graduate from college, and it’s August now, essentially the worst time of the year to quit.
If all else fails, my back-up to the back-up, back-up plan is moving back to Raleigh and staying with my parents until I can figure out a more concrete arrangement, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.
My parents miss me, and while it would be nice to see them for longer than a week, I just hate the idea of leaving everything I’ve built.
My work had been my life for so long, but I’d also be leaving the friends that I love and the house that I’ve called home for almost five years.
Everything that I care about is up here, but I can only last so long with my savings.
Wes is not taking the break up as graciously as Natalie, and apparently, his main coping mechanism is resorting back to his old games.
He has told me more times than I can count that the best way to get over a break up is to get under someone else, which is exactly what my wing man is attempting to ‘help’ me with tonight.
Despite turning down his many offers to go out these last two weekends, it’s his birthday today, so I have no choice.
While I’m not planning on drinking much, he insisted on Ubering to the bar anyway.
What I don’t understand is why he decided that he wanted to go back to Working Class to celebrate.
Maybe he read up on exposure therapy and knows I associate this bar with that night with Ellie, but that might be giving him too much credit.
The music seems louder than normal, and the place is packed. Behind the bar, Nick makes drinks at a swift pace. When we catch each other's eyes, I give him a nod, and he offers one of indifference back to me. He obviously knows the truth, and I’m sure he doesn’t like me very much right now.
Honestly, I don’t like myself much either.
I had a feeling that Nick was going to be here when Wes made the suggestion, but what am I supposed to say? Sorry dude, we can’t go to the bar that you want to go to for your birthday because my fake ex-girlfriend’s best friend works there. Yeah, I don’t think that would’ve gone over well.
Wes leads us over to the bar and orders something for both of us.
While handing my card to Nick, all I want to do is ask him about Ellie, but that’s not my place, not anymore.
I couldn’t hear what Wes ordered, but knowing how he acts on his birthday, I am scared of what it could be.
He is always a little more unhinged when he has something to celebrate, so it could be anything.
When the glass is placed in front of me, I am relieved to see that it’s just a regular beer, but there is a shot that accompanies it. He clinks his shot glass against mine, and I throw it back, bracing for whatever this clear liquid might be.
Vodka… It’s vodka, and fuck, that hurt.
By the time I’ve taken a few seconds to recover, Wes is already meandering his way over to a group of five girls at the other end of the bar. They look to be in their early twenties and are all dolled up. It looks like they’re going out to a club rather than a local dive bar, but who am I to judge?
Sequins and short skirts are right up Wes’ alley, so it doesn’t surprise me that he has already honed in on the group. He is attracted to shiny, pretty people like a beacon in the dark.
Wes is already chatting up one of the girls who is wearing a tiara and sash that is there to inform everyone that it is her birthday.
Before I know it, she offers her sash to Wes, and he does a few poses making the group giggle.
When I catch his eye, he waves me over, and there is no choice but to join him.
“Ladies, I’d like you to meet my friend Patrick. He’s newly single.” He wiggles his eyebrows and suggestively winks at the group.
A collective ‘hi, Patrick’ comes from them, and I am annoyed at Wes for pulling this shit.
I’m not interested in meeting anyone new, and Wes has already been well informed of that.
I hate how he’s using the birthday loophole to try to mend my broken heart—which is how he continues referring to my situation.
For some reason, the birthday girl decides to give me her undivided attention. She is very pretty—bright blue eyes, blonde hair, tall—and if I weren’t feeling the way I am, I might actually be into it for a night. But, I miss Ellie, and I want to go home.
To keep Wes off my back, I make the choice to chat with her and keep her entertained. It only takes thirty minutes for her to spill her life story.
Her name is Olivia, and she just moved here from Texas to start a new chapter in her life.
Her dog Penny is her best friend—I’m sure the friends that she came here with would be offended to hear they were beat out by a dog, but to each their own.
She thinks that tall guys are hot. She also informed me that I am tall enough to be considered a hot tall guy.
And, she is really excited to go to brunch tomorrow.
However, after watching her down two green tea shots and a margarita, I am not very confident that she will be making it to brunch.
She is progressively getting closer and more touchy as the night develops.
While I’m still not interested in her, I know that if I walk away, Wes will just throw another woman at me to try to get me ‘back in the game’.
At least Olivia is somewhat interesting, and she keeps the conversation going.
Although, it takes almost an hour for her to ask me something about myself.
“So, what do you do for work?” She twirls a hair around her finger and leans closer to me. Her perfume has an artificially sweet smell that assaults my senses.
“I actually just quit my job.” No better way to kill a mood than to bring up your very recent unemployment. Her reaction is exactly what I expect it to be. Polite, but slightly concerned.
“Oh—” This is the first time that she hasn’t had a quick response to something. “Are you looking for a new job? Or taking some time off to explore your hobbies?”
“Yeah, I’ve applied to a couple of places, but if I can’t find anything, I’ll probably just move back home and figure some things out.”
“Where’s home?” She takes a sip of her drink and purses her lips. I can tell that those shots are catching up to her because she is focusing a little too hard on our conversation. Her eyes have already glazed over, and she leans on the counter to stop herself from swaying.
“Raleigh, North Carolina. It’s where I grew up, and my family is still there.
” It sounds so concrete when I say it, which makes me realize that I don’t want to go back.
I’m not ready to leave here, but Olivia doesn’t need to know that.
I’m not drunk enough to start emotionally ranting about my life decisions, despite the fact that Wes keeps bringing me drinks.
“Well, I think it would be such a bummer if you moved away because I think you’re really cute.
” I let her flirt, but it makes me feel guilty that I have no intentions of having this go anywhere.
I try to keep some space between us, but she keeps closing the gap, gripping onto my arm and leaning into me.
When I look over my shoulder, I see Nick glaring at us. Fuck, I didn’t even think about how he might go home and tell Ellie about this. The shame starts to sink in, but Wes has perfect timing. He walks over with three new shots, and I fear that one of them is for me.
“One for me, one for the birthday girl, and one for my best friend in the whole world!” Wes hands them out and clinks his glass against ours.
Noticing how Wes is slurring his words, I realize that I have not been keeping track of how much he has been drinking.
Him and Olivia seem to be on the same level of fucked up, but that’s fine.
Your birthday is the best excuse to get belligerently drunk, and no one is allowed to question it.
So, I keep my mouth shut and think about ordering them a couple shots of water.
There’s nothing I want to do less than take this shot, but hearing Wes whining about it is not worth it. So, I throw it back and almost gag on the tequila as it burns its way down my throat.
I choke out, “Really, Wes? You couldn’t warn me that you were switching the liquor?”
“You’re more fun when you drink tequila, sue me.” He shrugs his shoulders and walks away, leaving me with Olivia once again.