1. Side Chicks? #3
Whether or not Mark was more interesting than work, at the end of the day I had to pick my priorities in life.
And I knew my job would never disappoint me the way a man could.
I hate to sound like I was steeped in bitterness, but I suppose I was.
If you haven’t had a big heartbreak that changes your view on men, I don’t think you’ll understand.
At lunch time, I screened two calls from my sister KC and sent Dawn out to get me a burrito for lunch.
As Dawn scurried off, I contemplated calling KC back and decided against it.
I knew she’d only be calling me because Anna-Mae told her to.
And I’d told Anna-Mae to leave me alone for awhile.
She was still reeling from what happened with Darius and she was certain he’d pop up again when I least wanted to.
I, on the other hand, felt no sense of danger. I’d dealt with Darius, and I’d moved on. If he touched me, I knew that Mark would take care of it. (I told you, what I had with Mark was both complicated and uncomplicated. But we were friends, and he had my back.)
When Dawn came back, she also brought a message from downstairs.
A member of middle management on the floor downstairs had somehow screwed up our software and we were getting bugs all through the program.
Another fire for me to put out while Oliver got to sweet talk business partners at the strip club.
I’d be sure to twist his arm for another bonus thanks to this.
I told Dawn I’d take care of it after lunch and I ate my burrito at my desk — slowly.
The rest of the day at work passed with the same rhythm.
As did the next seven days after that. I cancelled on Mark that morning because I wasn’t feeling well.
I’d woken up with a strange heavy sort of feeling that made me worry I had some kind of mysterious tropical ailment.
While I could skip my date with Mark consequence free.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to skip my meeting without setting us back even longer.
Oliver had me presenting at nine a.m. sharp and despite my heaviness and the increasingly queasy sensation in my stomach, I made it to work on time.
Dawn was there early just as I expected and she had already got me a fresh cup of coffee.
I took it from her, too embarrassed to say that for the first time since she’d known me, my stomach felt far too queasy to handle any coffee.
I tried to take a sip and then retched. Okay, no coffee.
I sat at my desk reviewing the notes for the final presentation.
I’d rehearsed it a thousand times and I could field about a million different questions.
If we pushed this deal through, I’d be looking at a raise that would make me take all my vacation time at once!
I arrived at the conference room early, just like Oliver.
We talked about the company for a while and I assured Oliver that I had everything under control.
Oliver and I were hardly friends but we’d worked together over the years and he’d seen how quickly I’d risen to the top of what had started out as a small tech start-up.
He knew I was just as talented as he was, except his deal was closing deals and mine was crunching the numbers.
When the investment group came into the room I felt my first set of nerves.
This group of white men looked like they were always angry and they looked like they didn’t trust me at all.
Of course. I was a dark skinned, curvy black woman and unless they’d heard rumors about me, I couldn’t begin to imagine what they assumed.
I started to present and I saw their attentions shift.
Oliver’s lips cracked a smile at that very moment in the presentation where he realized I’d had them hooked.
See, I told Oliver he could trust me. I kept going, showing them chart after chart, handling objection after objection.
As I kept going, I felt my stomach churning faster and faster.
I chalked it up to nerves but even as I presented, there was a nagging voice in the back of my mind saying that something was going seriously wrong.
My voice slowed, but I kept on track, taking the group through the remaining scenarios.
When I was done, polite muted applause rang through the room.
I gave a pained smile and seated myself next to Oliver.
“Any questions?” He asked.
Oliver knew me well enough to know something was wrong, so he took questions. They didn’t have many. I knew they were going to sign the deal, so I tried to smile through the rest of the meeting even though my body desperately wanted me to lie down or at least bend over a toilet.
After a short deliberation, we signed papers. The deal was complete and after a few weeks, we’d probably all be taking home six figure bonuses. I should have felt overjoyed, but really I just felt sick.
“You okay?” Oliver asked.
I nodded and let him leave the room ahead of me. As Oliver left, Dawn walked in. Good, she got my text.
“You alright ma’am?” She asked me.
I ignored her use of the word “ma’am” this time and shook my head.
“I need to throw up. Take this stuff downstairs for me.”
Now Dawn looked worried.
“Are you sure ma’am?”
“Just go,” I ushered her away, “Before I puke all over you.”
Dawn grabbed my things and left the room and I sprinted to the only private restroom on the conference floor.
As soon as the door closed behind me, I bent over the toilet and vomited.
I was still convinced it was nerves from presenting.
I’d had social anxiety all through high-school as a result of my premature growth spurt.
Apparently, that sinking feeling in my gut was making a come back.
I cleaned up my face and rinsed my mouth out after I flushed all the vomit away.
I shuddered at how disgusting it was. But I felt better.
Slightly better. I left the bathroom and walked back to my office, trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible.
When I got back to my office, Dawn was waiting there with arms folded.
“You don’t look okay. I’ll ask Oliver to send you home.”
I glared at her, “Please don’t tell Oliver about this.”
She shrugged, “I think you need to rest.”
“I’m. Fine. I don’t feel sick just a bit… queasy.”
Dawn gasped.
“What?”
“Ma’am,” She started, “Excuse my saying so but might you be…”
She trailed off. I urged her on.
“Might I be what?”
“Might you be pregnant?”
I scoffed.
“Listen Miss James, I know that you know that my personal life is a mess. There’s no way I could be pregnant.”
“Mark?”
“What about Mark?”
“Look, I know you’re in a situationship with him…”
I sighed, “Listen, Mark and I are friends. And anything that happens between us is very well secured against this.”
Dawn shrugged, “Accidents happen.”
“Not to me they don’t,” I retorted.
But then I looked at Dawn and saw the real concern on her face, “Fine. Book me an appointment with my gyno tomorrow and send an email to Oliver for me.”
“Yes ma’am,” Dawn said, hustling away before I made any more demands.
I didn’t worry that Dawn had been right all along until the morning of my appointment.
My nausea had become worse and my breasts were swollen as if they were growing.
I drove to my doctor’s office with a pit in my stomach.
When I got out, I sat in the waiting room, trying to avoid eye contact or conversation with any of the mothers that were in there.