1. Side Chicks? #4
While most women were eager to start that chapter of their lives, I’d given up on ever having a child. Without a man in my life and no man who I was taking seriously, I figured childrearing was out of the question. I’d always known that I’d make a better auntie anyways.
I was lucky enough to not have anyone disturb my silent brooding in the waiting room and when my doc called me up, I began to build my false confidence. Even if she thought I was pregnant, that didn’t mean I was and I had all the evidence to prove to her that it was impossible.
My doctor was a shrewd older white woman who reminded me of Meryl Streep, if Meryl Streep were less elegant and dressed exclusively in Talbots clothing.
She asked me questions and then inquired about my sex life.
Despite her cold appearance, I wasn’t uncomfortable with Doctor Pulford’s forward method of inquiry.
“So. Have you engaged in unprotected intercourse lately?”
“No,” I replied proudly, “I haven’t.”
“Hm.”
“I’m not lying,” I added.
She nodded, “I know. But we’ll have to have you pee in this cup for me so we can be sure.”
She gestured to the bathroom inside her office and handed me an empty, sterile plastic cup.
“I don’t have to go.”
“Try,” She replied with a smile.
I sighed. No amount of deflection could get me out of this one.
I disappeared into the bathroom and went through the motions, sealing the cup up once I was done.
I left the bathroom and found Doctor Pulford standing at the door with a smile.
She’d put on rubber gloves and took the same from me.
She opened her door and handed it to the nurse waiting outside.
“Five minutes and we find out,” She replied with a smile that was almost too gleeful.
“I don’t want kids.”
“Really?” She replied, “I remember when you were singing a different tune.”
I sighed and shook my head, “A lot has changed since then.”
“Ah yes. No more Darius.”
She said it matter-of-factly, as if she were too comfortable with the various shifts and changes that come with life. Doctor Pulford was non-resistant to any of it. I suppose she had to be considering her line of work.
We sat in silence for a few more minutes and then the nurse knocked shyly on the door with a piece of paper in hand.
“Thank you,” Doctor Pulford said as she took the paper.
She pushed her reading glasses onto her nose and took a good look. Doctor Pulford let out a nice long sigh.
“Well, something must have gone wrong because this says here that you’re pregnant.”
“Can I get a redo?”
She smiled, “Are you sure you’ve been careful?”
I nodded, “Yes. I’m sure.”
The news hadn’t hit me yet. But Doctor Pulford maintained her professionalism and began to list out my options.
She handed me a few pamphlets explaining what choices I had and then she finished off with, “And well, if you want a few more of these blood tests, you know where to get them. I’ll have Jane call in and make an appointment. ”
“Blood tests?”
Doctor Pulford smiled grimly, “Well you got pregnant so something slipped past. It’s just a full round of tests.”
“Right.”
“Take your time to think about the options. And don’t over think,” She warned me.
I was numb. Doctor Pulford confirmed a few more details with me and then I paid at the front and walked out of her office. My stomach was turning again but this time I was 100% sure it was anxiety. I was pregnant and the only man I’d slept with was Mark.
Mark Jagger of all people was the father of my child.
I got into my car and I could have driven straight into a pole.
But I didn’t. Oliver would’ve killed me if I left him hanging.
So I drove home, contemplating all the decisions I’d made that had led me to this point.
Mark had appealed to me because of how open and honest he was.
He’d appealed to me because we could have this no-strings-attached fling for years at a time.
And now, I’d gone and complicated it by getting knocked up. Once I got home, I realized that no matter what choice I made, I’d have to tell him. I couldn’t imagine having that conversation with Mark — the guy who had sworn after his divorce that he’d never get entangled with another woman again.
I didn’t know what to do once I’d come home.
I knew I couldn’t call Anna-Mae. She’d want me to keep the baby and claim that I had enough money to retire already.
She was right. My job had allowed me to build a sizable nest egg in a short space of time.
But there was more to parenting than having money, or having time to do it.
I also knew what my other two sisters would say.
KC would agree with Anna-Mae as she always did.
And Tina would tell me I should “get rid of the thing” and get a hysterectomy.
They were too predictable for me to lean on.
There was one more person I could lean on but then I’d have to face all of this news too soon.
And anyways, I was sure I could get by without telling Mark. What good would it do if he knew? I needed more time to think. And the last thing Mark was good for was allowing me space to think.