Chapter 3 The Dorm Room #2
The air conditioner had been working perfectly when they first moved into the room, but by Sunday afternoon it had begun making an unfamiliar clicking sound. Cold air still came through the vent, but not with the same force. The room slowly became warmer as the afternoon passed.
Ryan was sitting at the desk reviewing notes for his sports-science presentation when he noticed Ethan move toward the window.
Ethan opened it.
A warm breeze entered.
Ryan looked over.
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
Ethan returned to his bed.
A few minutes later, he opened the window again.
Ryan watched him from the corner of his eye.
Ethan wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and immediately looked toward Ryan.
Their eyes met.
Ethan looked away.
Ryan knew what was happening.
He had seen it before.
The temperature was rising, and Ethan was becoming increasingly aware of his own body.
Ryan closed his laptop.
"You want the fan?"
Ethan hesitated.
"Maybe."
Ryan stood and turned the fan toward him.
"Better?"
"Yeah."
Ethan smiled faintly.
"Thanks."
Ryan sat back down.
He tried to return to his notes, but he could not concentrate.
He kept noticing Ethan.
The way Ethan adjusted his shirt.
The way he checked his arms.
The way he occasionally touched his neck as though trying to determine how warm his skin had become.
Ryan understood the behavior because he had done the same things himself.
Years ago, he had learned to recognize every little sign that his body was becoming too warm. He had learned where to sit, when to leave a room, when to change clothes, and how to make everything appear casual.
Ethan had his own version of the same routine.
Ryan wondered how exhausting it must be.
"Ethan."
"Yeah?"
"You don't have to keep checking."
Ethan went still.
"Checking what?"
"Your shirt. Your skin. Everything."
Ethan looked embarrassed.
"I wasn't."
Ryan smiled gently.
"You were."
Ethan looked down.
"Sorry."
Ryan immediately shook his head.
"Don't apologize."
The words seemed to surprise Ethan.
Ryan leaned back in his chair.
"I know that look."
"What look?"
"The one where you're wondering whether someone noticed."
Ethan was silent.
Ryan continued.
"I used to do the same thing."
"Used to?"
Ryan laughed softly.
"I still do."
Ethan looked at him.
"Really?"
"Of course."
Ryan stood and walked toward the window.
He could feel the heat too. His shirt had begun sticking slightly to his back.
He did not hide it.
"I sweat too," he said.
"I know."
"Then why do you think I'm going to judge you?"
Ethan didn't answer.
Ryan waited.
Eventually Ethan said, "Because people usually do."
The sentence was quiet.
Ryan felt something twist in his chest.
He walked back toward the desk but didn't sit.
"People can be cruel."
Ethan nodded.
"Especially when you're younger."
"Yeah."
The room became quiet.
Outside, students were walking across the courtyard. Someone was laughing near the entrance. A bicycle rolled past the window.
Ryan looked at Ethan.
"Was it bad?"
Ethan hesitated.
"Sometimes."
Ryan did not push.
But after a moment, Ethan continued.
"I had a locker-room incident in high school. Someone made a joke about me after practice. Everyone laughed."
Ryan's expression tightened.
Ethan gave a small shrug.
"It wasn't even that serious."
"You remember it."
Ethan looked at him.
"Yeah."
"Then it was serious."
Ethan looked down.
Ryan sat beside him on the edge of the other bed.
There was still a comfortable distance between them.
For a moment, neither spoke.
Then Ethan said, "After that, I started checking everything."
Ryan nodded.
"I understand."
"I'd go home and change clothes even if I'd only been at school for an hour."
Ryan listened.
"I started carrying extra shirts."
"I know."
"Then wipes."
"I know."
"Then deodorant."
Ryan smiled slightly.
"Also know."
Ethan laughed softly.
The tension eased.
But Ryan could see how much the subject still affected him.
"I hate people noticing," Ethan admitted.
Ryan looked at him.
"I know."
"I hate wondering what they're thinking."
Ryan nodded.
"I know."
"I hate feeling like I need to explain myself."
"You don't."
Ethan looked at him.
Ryan's voice remained calm.
"You don't have to explain your body to me."
Ethan stared at him.
Something about the statement changed the atmosphere.
The room was warm.
The fan moved air between them.
Ryan suddenly became aware of how close they were sitting.
He could see the small drops of perspiration along Ethan's forehead. Ethan's hair was slightly damp, and his cheeks were warm from the heat.
Ryan did not look away.
Neither did Ethan.
For a moment, Ryan wondered whether Ethan realized how intensely he was looking at him.
Then Ethan shifted.
Ryan immediately gave him more space.
"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
"I'm not."
"Are you sure?"
Ethan nodded.
Ryan smiled.
"Okay."
The conversation moved on, but something had changed.
Ryan could feel it.
He became aware of Ethan in a way that went beyond friendship.
He noticed the warmth in Ethan's face.
The softness in his expression.
The way his eyes lingered before moving away.
Ryan had spent weeks telling himself that their closeness was simply friendship.
But sitting beside Ethan in the warm room, with no one else around, that explanation felt increasingly difficult to believe.
Ethan broke the silence.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Does it ever bother you?"
Ryan knew what he meant.
"The sweating?"
Ethan nodded.
Ryan considered the question.
"Yes."
Ethan looked relieved by the honesty.
"But I don't hate myself for it anymore."
"How?"
Ryan shrugged.
"I got tired of letting other people's reactions decide how I felt about myself."
Ethan looked thoughtful.
"That's easier said than done."
"Definitely."
Ryan smiled.
"You don't have to figure it out all at once."
Ethan nodded.
Ryan wanted to say more.
Instead, he asked, "What would you do if you didn't have to worry about anyone judging you?"
Ethan looked surprised.
"About what?"
"Anything."
Ethan thought about it.
"I'd probably stop checking my clothes every few minutes."
Ryan smiled.
"Good start."
"I'd sit wherever I wanted."
"Excellent."
"I'd go to parties without wondering whether I'm going to get too warm."
Ryan nodded.
"And?"
Ethan hesitated.
"I'd probably let people get closer."
The words were barely above a whisper.
Ryan felt his heart beat faster.
"Closer?"
Ethan looked at him.
"Yeah."
Neither moved.
Ryan could feel the warmth between them.
The room suddenly seemed smaller than it had a few minutes earlier.
He could hear the fan turning.
He could hear the faint noise of traffic outside.
Most of all, he could hear his own heartbeat.
Ethan looked away first.
Ryan smiled gently.
"You know you don't have to be afraid of me."
"I know."
"Good."
Another silence settled between them.
This one felt different.
It was not awkward.
It was charged.
Ryan wondered whether he should move away.
Instead, he remained where he was.
Ethan did the same.
Neither man touched the other.
They did not need to.
The awareness between them was already strong enough.
Eventually Ethan smiled.
"I'm glad they put us in this room."
Ryan laughed softly.
"Even though the air conditioner is broken?"
"Maybe because of that."
Ryan looked at him.
"Me too."
The words carried more meaning than either of them acknowledged.
Later that evening, the temperature finally dropped. The air conditioner began working again, and the room became comfortable.
But Ryan barely noticed.
The real change had already happened.
He had seen Ethan's fear more clearly than ever before.
He had also seen the trust behind it.
And somewhere between the quiet conversation, the shared understanding, and the long moments when neither man looked away, Ryan realized that his feelings for Ethan were becoming something he could no longer easily categorize as friendship.
He wasn't ready to name it.
Maybe Ethan wasn't either.
But the distance between them had changed.
They were still sitting on opposite beds.
Still two college students who had started as strangers.
Still friends, technically.
Yet Ryan could no longer ignore the pull he felt whenever Ethan was near.
And as the room cooled around them, Ryan found himself wondering whether Ethan felt it too.
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