Chapter 4 After Practice
Sweat and Embarrassment
Ryan knew he had pushed himself too hard the moment he stepped out of the gym.
His shirt was damp from collar to hem, his hair was wet against his forehead, and his breathing had not yet settled after the final conditioning circuit. His legs felt heavy as he walked across the athletic center, and every few steps he wiped his face with the towel hanging around his neck.
The workout had been brutal.
That was partly his own fault.
Ryan had volunteered to demonstrate several exercises during his sports-science practical session, and once the demonstration turned into a competitive conditioning challenge, he had refused to be the first person to stop.
His friends knew him well enough to expect that.
Ryan hated losing, even when there was nothing meaningful to win.
Now he was paying for it.
He stepped into the corridor and immediately felt the difference between the gym and the rest of the building. The air was cooler, but not enough to stop the warmth spreading across his skin.
His first thought was Ethan.
Ryan slowed.
He hadn't expected that.
Over the past few weeks, Ethan had become woven into his daily routine so naturally that Ryan sometimes thought of him before he thought of himself.
They had breakfast together when their schedules allowed it.
They studied together. They walked between buildings.
They had spent two nights in the temporary dorm room because the maintenance problem in Ethan's residence had taken longer than expected.
Ryan had grown used to being around him.
But today was different.
He was drenched.
The thought made his stomach tighten.
Ryan looked down at his shirt.
He could already imagine Ethan noticing.
That shouldn't have mattered.
They had talked about sweating before. They had both admitted that it was something they struggled with. Ethan had never reacted badly to Ryan's natural scent, and Ryan had never judged Ethan for his.
So why was he suddenly nervous?
Because this was different, he realized.
The friendship between them had changed.
Or perhaps Ryan's understanding of it had changed.
Since their conversation in the dorm room, Ryan had become painfully aware of the attraction he felt toward Ethan. He noticed Ethan's expressions more. He noticed how close they stood when they talked. He noticed the way Ethan sometimes looked at him and then quickly looked away.
Ryan had tried to tell himself that he was imagining it.
He wasn't sure anymore.
He entered the residence building and climbed the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.
By the time he reached the third floor, he was sweating even more.
"Perfect," he muttered.
He stopped outside room 318 and looked at the door.
For a ridiculous moment, he considered turning around.
He could go back to the gym.
He could shower there.
He could sit in the library for an hour.
He could wait until his clothes were dry and his body had cooled down.
Then he could return.
That would be reasonable.
Except it wasn't.
Ryan had never needed permission to walk into his own room before.
He reached for the keycard.
The door opened.
Ethan was sitting at the desk with his laptop open.
He looked up.
"Hey."
Ryan froze.
"Hey."
Ethan smiled.
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
Ryan stepped inside.
The door closed behind him.
Immediately, he became aware of everything.
The damp fabric against his back.
The heat around his neck.
The towel in his hand.
The faint scent of exercise still clinging to him despite the hallway air.
His confidence disappeared so quickly that he almost laughed at himself.
Ethan was looking at him.
Not staring.
Just looking.
Ryan lowered his eyes.
"I just finished a workout."
"I figured."
Ryan glanced at him.
"How?"
Ethan smiled.
"You look exhausted."
"That's one way to put it."
Ryan dropped his gym bag beside his bed.
He wanted to shower immediately.
He wanted to disappear behind the bathroom door before Ethan had the chance to notice anything else.
But Ethan asked, "How was it?"
"Hard."
"Good hard or terrible hard?"
"Terrible."
Ethan laughed.
Ryan smiled despite himself.
The familiar ease returned for half a second.
Then he felt the dampness beneath his shirt again.
His smile disappeared.
He turned toward the bathroom.
"I'll be back."
Ethan looked confused.
"Where are you going?"
"Shower."
"You don't have to rush."
Ryan stopped.
"What?"
Ethan shrugged.
"You look like you need five minutes to breathe."
Ryan stared at him.
The simple observation made his insecurity flare.
Did Ethan mean he looked sweaty?
Did he smell?
Had Ethan noticed already?
Ryan's thoughts accelerated.
"I'm fine."
"I know."
Ryan looked away.
He picked up his towel.
"I'm just going to shower."
Ethan nodded.
Ryan walked toward the bathroom.
His hand touched the door handle.
Then Ethan spoke.
"Ryan."
Ryan turned.
"Yeah?"
"You don't have to hide."
The sentence hit him unexpectedly hard.
Ryan stared at him.
Ethan's expression was gentle.
"I know you're uncomfortable."
Ryan swallowed.
"I'm not."
Ethan raised an eyebrow.
Ryan sighed.
"Okay. Maybe I am."
Ethan smiled slightly.
"You don't have to be."
Ryan looked down at himself.
His shirt was obviously damp. There was no way around it.
"I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"Why would I be?"
Ryan didn't answer.
Ethan waited.
Finally, Ryan said, "Because I know what it's like."
Ethan nodded.
"Exactly."
Ryan looked at him.
Ethan continued.
"You've never made me uncomfortable."
Ryan's shoulders loosened slightly.
"Still."
"Still what?"
"I don't know."
Ryan sat on the edge of his bed.
He rubbed his hands over his face.
For someone who was usually comfortable talking to people, he suddenly couldn't find the right words.
Ethan closed his laptop.
"You can tell me."
Ryan laughed quietly.
"That's the problem."
"What?"
"I can."
The admission hung in the room.
Ryan looked at the floor.
"I've spent a long time pretending this doesn't bother me."
Ethan remained silent.
Ryan continued.
"Most people think I'm confident."
"You are."
Ryan shook his head.
"Not always."
He looked toward the window.
"When I was younger, people used to make comments whenever I sweated. They'd joke about it after sports. Sometimes they'd move away from me. Sometimes they'd act like it was funny."
Ethan's expression changed.
Ryan had never told him that much before.
"Eventually I learned to act like I didn't care."
"Did it work?"
Ryan gave a small smile.
"Not really."
Ethan said nothing.
Ryan appreciated that.
He didn't need sympathy.
He didn't want pity.
He simply wanted Ethan to understand that the confidence everyone saw was not always real.
"I still have days when I think everyone notices."
Ethan nodded.
"I have those days too."
Ryan looked at him.
"Yeah."
The room became quiet.
Ryan looked down at his shirt again.
He felt the old embarrassment returning.
For years, he had learned how to manage it.
But now Ethan mattered.
That made it worse.
Ryan cared what Ethan thought.
More than he wanted to admit.
He stood again.
"I should probably shower."
Ethan nodded.
"Okay."
Ryan picked up his towel.
He walked toward the door.
Then stopped.
Something inside him told him to leave the room entirely.
Maybe he could go back to the gym.
Maybe he could shower there and spend an hour somewhere else.
Maybe he could wait until he felt normal again before returning.
It was an old instinct.
When embarrassed, disappear.
When uncertain, create distance.
When afraid someone might notice, leave before they can.
His hand rested on the door handle.
He almost opened it.
Then he heard Ethan's voice behind him.
"You don't have to go."
Ryan closed his eyes.
For a moment, he couldn't move.
He turned slowly.
Ethan was still sitting on the bed.
He wasn't judging him.
He wasn't staring at his clothes.
He wasn't making a joke.
He simply looked concerned.
Ryan let go of the handle.
"I know."
He returned to the room.
The decision seemed small.
It wasn't.
For Ryan, staying meant allowing someone to see him without the armor he had built over years.
It meant resisting the instinct to disappear.
And standing there in a damp shirt, with his confidence stripped away by something as ordinary as sweat, Ryan realized just how deeply his past still controlled him.
He had spent years convincing himself that he didn't care what anyone thought.
But Ethan was different.
Ryan cared.
That frightened him more than he wanted to admit.
The First Compliment
Ethan watched Ryan standing beside the door, and for a moment he understood exactly what Ryan was thinking.
Leave.
Disappear.
Come back later when there was nothing left to be embarrassed about.
Ethan knew that instinct because he had lived with it for years.
He had spent countless moments pretending he needed to find something in his bag, suddenly remembering an assignment he had to finish, or inventing some reason to leave a room whenever he became convinced someone had noticed him sweating.
He had never imagined seeing the same instinct in Ryan would affect him so strongly.
"Ryan."
Ryan looked back.
"You don't have to go."
"I know."
But Ryan didn't move.
Ethan closed his laptop completely and set it aside.
"I'm serious."
Ryan looked uncertain.
Ethan could see the tension in his shoulders.
"I'm not uncomfortable."
Ryan gave a quiet laugh that contained very little humor.
"You don't have to say that."
"I know."
"Then why are you saying it?"
"Because it's true."
Ryan looked at him for several seconds.
Ethan suddenly became aware of how unusual the conversation was.
They were talking about sweat.
Something most people would avoid discussing altogether.
Yet with Ryan, Ethan had begun to feel as though there were very few things he couldn't say.
Ryan finally stepped away from the door.
"Okay."
He returned to his bed and sat down.
Ethan remained where he was.
Ryan looked exhausted.
His hair was damp, his shirt clung slightly to his shoulders, and his breathing was still deeper than normal after the workout.
Ethan noticed the familiar warmth of his natural scent.
It was subtle.
Nothing overwhelming.