Chapter 4 After Practice #2
Something he had begun recognizing without consciously trying.
And suddenly Ethan understood something that surprised him.
He liked it.
The thought made his heart beat faster.
He had never expected to associate someone's natural scent with comfort.
For most of his life, scent had represented fear.
It meant checking himself.
It meant wondering whether someone had noticed.
It meant remembering cruel comments from people who had made him feel different.
But Ryan had changed that.
Ryan's scent had become familiar.
Not unpleasant.
Familiar.
Safe.
Ethan wasn't sure how to explain it.
He looked at Ryan.
"Can I tell you something?"
Ryan nodded.
"Sure."
Ethan hesitated.
The words seemed simple in his mind.
Saying them was harder.
"I've noticed your scent."
Ryan's expression immediately changed.
Ethan saw the uncertainty return.
"I don't mean—"
Ryan looked away.
"It's okay."
"No. Let me explain."
Ryan looked back.
Ethan took a breath.
"I've noticed it because we're around each other a lot."
Ryan nodded slowly.
"Okay."
"And it doesn't bother me."
Ryan remained silent.
Ethan continued before he lost his courage.
"Actually, it's become familiar."
Ryan's eyebrows lifted.
"Familiar?"
Ethan nodded.
"Yeah."
He looked down at his hands.
"I know that sounds strange."
"No."
"It probably does."
"It doesn't."
Ethan looked up.
Ryan was watching him carefully.
Ethan's heart began beating faster.
"I don't know exactly when it happened," Ethan admitted. "But I started associating it with you."
Ryan said nothing.
Ethan continued.
"When I notice it, I know you're nearby."
Ryan's expression softened.
"And that makes you comfortable?"
Ethan nodded.
"Yes."
The silence that followed felt enormous.
Ryan looked down at his hands.
For once, Ethan could see that Ryan had no quick joke ready.
No confident response.
Nothing to hide behind.
Ethan realized he had said something that mattered.
He wasn't sure whether he should take it back.
He didn't.
Ryan finally spoke.
"No one's ever said that to me."
Ethan smiled faintly.
"Well, now someone has."
Ryan looked at him.
There was something vulnerable in his eyes.
"Thank you."
Ethan shrugged.
"You don't have to thank me."
"I do."
"Why?"
"Because I've spent a long time thinking people were just tolerating me."
Ethan's chest tightened.
"I don't tolerate you."
Ryan's eyes stayed on his.
Ethan realized the words had come out more strongly than he intended.
"I mean..." He stopped, searching for a better explanation. "You're my friend."
Ryan smiled.
"Yeah."
"Of course I don't mind."
Ryan looked down again.
Ethan wondered what was going through his mind.
The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioner.
Ethan suddenly became conscious of their distance.
Ryan was sitting on the edge of his bed.
Ethan was sitting opposite him.
They weren't particularly close.
Yet the room seemed smaller than it had before.
Ryan rubbed his hands together.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
"I want to."
Ethan waited.
Ryan looked at him.
"I like that you notice."
Ethan's breath caught.
"What?"
Ryan smiled awkwardly.
"I mean, not because I want you to notice me sweating."
Ethan laughed.
"I understood."
Ryan smiled.
"I just mean... I like knowing that you don't see it as something disgusting."
"I don't."
"I know."
Ryan's voice became quieter.
"That's what makes it different."
Ethan looked at him.
Neither man spoke for several seconds.
There was something happening between them.
Ethan could feel it.
It wasn't simply friendship anymore.
At least, not entirely.
He had begun noticing Ryan differently over the past few weeks. The broadness of his shoulders. His smile. The way he laughed when Ethan challenged him. The way he listened when Ethan talked.
But now there was something else.
The intimacy of being trusted.
The knowledge that Ryan had shown him a side of himself that most people never saw.
Ethan realized he wanted to protect that vulnerability.
He wanted Ryan to feel safe.
The thought frightened him.
Ryan stood.
"I should shower."
Ethan smiled.
"Probably."
Ryan laughed.
"You're very supportive."
"I'm trying."
Ryan took a step toward the bathroom.
Then he stopped.
He turned around.
"Ethan."
"Yeah?"
"Does my scent really not bother you?"
Ethan looked at him.
"No."
Ryan waited.
Ethan smiled.
"Actually, I think I've gotten used to it."
Ryan looked almost stunned.
"Used to it?"
"Yeah."
Ethan's voice became quieter.
"I think I like knowing you're here."
Ryan's expression changed.
For a moment, neither moved.
Ethan suddenly realized what he had said.
His cheeks warmed.
He looked down.
Ryan didn't laugh.
He didn't tease him.
He simply looked at Ethan with an expression Ethan couldn't quite understand.
"Okay," Ryan said softly.
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
Ryan smiled.
"That's probably the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time."
Ethan looked up.
"I mean it."
"I know."
Ryan walked into the bathroom.
The door closed.
Ethan sat alone on his bed.
His heart was beating faster than it should have.
He stared at the closed door.
What had just happened?
He had meant what he said.
That was the part that unsettled him.
He really had become accustomed to Ryan's natural scent. It had become part of the background of his days, like Ryan's laugh or the sound of his footsteps in the hallway.
And somehow, that familiarity had become comforting.
Ethan picked up his phone and looked at the screen without reading anything.
He wasn't thinking about classes.
He wasn't thinking about swimming.
He wasn't thinking about the broken air conditioner.
He was thinking about Ryan.
And about the way Ryan had looked at him when Ethan admitted the truth.
Behind the bathroom door, the shower started.
Ethan smiled despite himself.
Maybe their friendship was changing.
Maybe he was imagining things.
Maybe Ryan felt the same strange pull.
He didn't know.
For the first time, though, Ethan wasn't desperate to know immediately.
He was willing to let the feeling exist.
Across the room, the bathroom door remained closed.
Ryan had gone to shower.
But Ethan could still feel his presence.
And somehow, that was enough.
When Ryan eventually returned, his hair damp and his clothes fresh, Ethan looked up from his phone.
Their eyes met.
Neither man spoke about the conversation again.
They didn't need to.
Something had changed between them.
It was subtle, almost invisible.
But both of them felt it.
Neither was ready to name it.
Yet as they settled into the quiet of the evening, Ethan knew one thing with surprising certainty.
Ryan no longer felt like someone he was simply getting to know.
He was becoming someone Ethan wanted close.
And that realization made his heart race.
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