10. Brooke
brOOKE
Forty-eight hours.
That was all it took for my life to completely unravel.
One trip to the county fair and a familiar face, and things would never be the same.
Ryan knew something was up that night at the fair, but he’d trusted me when I said I was just tired.
That lie blew up in my face when Brayden showed up at the house.
Ryan waited until Anslee had gone to sleep before asking, “Is it him? Is he Anslee’s father?”
There wasn’t any point in lying. Not anymore.
So, I told him everything, including my plans to meet Brayden today at the lake.
I’d never seen him look at me the way he did at that moment.
He wasn’t angry or bitter. He was hurt. I could hear it in his voice when he asked, “Do you still care about this guy?”
“I will always care about him, Ryan. He’s Anslee’s father.”
“I’m more of a father to her than this guy will ever be.”
“Ryan.”
“I can’t do this right now.”
He walked out and stormed into the bathroom.
He took a shower that lasted at least an hour, and when he got out, he went straight to bed.
The next morning, he got up early and went straight outside.
He mowed the yard, even though it didn’t need mowing, and when he finished with the yard, he cleaned the garage and his truck.
I could only assume that he was doing what he needed to do to sort out all the thoughts in his head.
When he finally came back inside, his clothes were damp with sweat, and the anger had faded from his face. In its place was something worse.
Sadness.
When I told him it was time for me to leave, he didn’t argue or try to stop me. He just asked, “What about Anslee?”
“I was hoping you could watch her, but if you don’t want to…”
“I’ll do it.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Watching her? No. You leaving to see this guy who left you and broke your heart? That’s something else entirely.” He walked over, kissed my forehead, and said, “But do what you gotta do.”
“I won’t be long.”
“Just be careful.”
“I will.”
I grabbed my purse and started for the door, but stopped when he said, “I’ll be here when you get back… Just like I’ve always been.”
His words stuck with me all the way to the lake.
I knew how he felt. He’d never tried to hide it, but I’d never encouraged him. If anything, I’d tried to push him to move on. But I couldn’t help but wonder if I made a huge mistake by moving in with him. I feared it might’ve misled him.
Guilt began creeping in as I continued my drive to meet the man who was responsible for me holding back with Ryan. He was leaning against his motorcycle, and he couldn’t have looked better.
That didn’t help matters.
I pulled up next to him and parked. I took a deep breath, and then I slowly climbed out. My God, he looked even more handsome than he did when we first met, and it took all I had not to wrap my arms around him as he stepped over to me and said, “You came.”
The words I'd rehearsed in my head were gone. My nerves took care of that, but one thing remained. One thought that had to be said. “You were always enough.”
“What?”
“You were more than enough. You always were. I tried to make you see that.” Tears blurred my vision. “I loved you… I loved you so much. I wanted to spend my life with you. I should’ve never transferred schools.”
He looked away, letting out a slow breath before shaking his head. “No…”
“If I hadn’t left…”
“It would’ve been something else,” he interrupted.
“How can you say that?”
“If it wasn’t your school or my work, there would’ve been something else that would’ve gotten in the way.” He shrugged. “You knew the end was coming, or you wouldn’t have been so torn up about leaving.”
“That’s not true. I wanted things to work with us.”
“Did you want us to work all those times you told me you were too busy for me to come up for the weekend?”
“Yes, actually I did.” His expression softened when I told him, “I wanted to finish up early, so I’d doubled up on my classes. I knew it would be hard, but I thought it would be worth it if I got to graduate early. I never thought…”
“You never told me.”
“Because I knew you would try to talk me out of it. Besides, it wasn’t just me. There were plenty of times you were too busy for a visit, too.”
“I was never too busy for you, Brooke. I just got tired of feeling like I was in the way… that I was just another box to check off your list. I figured I would give you some space, and maybe, you’d come back.”
“I didn’t ask for space.” I stepped toward him. “I loved you.”
“Then, why did you stop trying… I understand you were busy and had shit to do. I can even understand us drifting apart. Hell, I had my own part in that. But what I don’t get is why you didn’t come to me when you found out you were pregnant.”
There it was. The question I’d been dreading.
“I was going to. I even came to the garage to tell you.”
“When?”
“I was about four months along. I’d just found out.
” His eyes never left mine as I explained, “I was overwhelmed and scared, so I skipped class and came to talk to you. I spent the whole drive trying to figure out what I was going to say to you… I didn’t want you to feel trapped or obligated because I knew from the second I got the positive pregnancy test that I wanted this baby, and there was no way I was giving it up. ”
“I would’ve never asked you to give it up.”
“I think I knew that, but I was just so scared. It didn’t help that my hormones were all over the place. I was a mess.”
He didn’t say a word.
He just stood there and listened with a pained expression.
“I pulled up and was about to go in when I saw you talking to Josie.”
I didn’t have to explain who she was. He knew she was his boss’s granddaughter.
He also knew how I felt about her, so I wasn’t surprised that his expression remained blank but cold as I continued, “Anyway, you two were talking, but it wasn’t like two friends having a little chat.
This was something more. It was intimate. ”
My throat tightened. “She had her hand on your chest, and she was standing real close. You talked for a minute, and she smiled and then… And then, she kissed you.”
Silence.
“You didn’t push her away… You kissed her back.” I looked to the ground. “And then you went back inside together.”
Again, he said nothing.
He just stood there, taking it in.
“I know it might not sound like a big deal to you, but it broke my heart to see you with her. I thought she was the reason you’d started pulling away, so I left.”
He ran his hand through his shaggy hair and grumbled, “Fuck.”
When I finally looked back up at him, he wasn’t looking at me. He was staring out at the lake with a strange expression on his face. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I kept talking. “I didn’t know what to think. Things were different with us. I just assumed she had something to do with it.”
He remained completely still, and after what felt like forever, he let out a long breath. “I knew you were there. I saw your car at the red light… saw you pull up in the lot and park, but I pretended not to notice.”
“What? Why?”
“I was struggling. You were out there living your best life, making yourself even better than you already were, and I was still stuck in that garage with the same ghosts riding my back. You were out there with all these people and possibilities, and I didn’t want to hold you back.”
“What are you saying?”
“I was always honest with you about Joise… I knew she was into me, but I didn’t feel the same. You knew that, but it didn’t change how you felt about her.” His jaw clenched. “I knew if you saw us together, it would be the push you needed to finally let go.”
“So, the kiss was all for show?”
“Pretty much.” He shrugged. “I’d fixed her car and saved her a couple thousand bucks that she didn’t have.
That Cyrus didn’t have. She thanked me and kissed me.
I knew you were watching, so I kissed her back.
I could feel you there. I knew you were watching when we headed back in the garage, but I didn’t know you were pregnant.
If I had, I would’ve never pulled that shit. ”
“I don’t know what to say.” My throat tightened as I whispered, “I can’t believe you would do that.”
“We both had a part in it… You didn’t trust me. You just thought the worst and held onto it, and I let you.”
The truth hit me so hard my knees felt weak.
All those years. All those nights. All the tears.
All the moments lost with Anslee. Because of one stupid stunt. I was overcome with emotion and started to cry. “We made such a mess of everything.”
“We certainly did... I don’t know what I was thinking. I was stuck in my head and let myself believe you were done pretending we could ever be something.”
“I wasn’t pretending, Brayden. I wanted a life with you, but when I saw you with her....”
“I had nothing, Brooke. Just you, my truck, and a crap job that barely kept the lights on.” He shook his head. “You deserved better than that. Still do.”
“It didn’t matter how much money you had. It never mattered to me.”
“It should have.”
“I can’t change what happened back then… And I can’t give you back the time you lost with Anslee, but I will do everything I can to make this right.” I tried to keep my voice steady as I added, “For you and for Anslee.”
He turned away from me again, letting everything I’d said sink in, and after a long while, he finally looked back to me and said, “Tell me about her.”
His voice was barely above a whisper. I looked up at him, unsure I’d heard him correctly, but when I saw that curious look, I knew he was asking about his daughter. “Her name is Anslee Grace.”
“Anslee.” He inhaled a quick breath. “I like that. It suits her.”
“I thought so, too. Grace was my grandmother’s name, and it just seemed to fit.”
“It’s perfect.”
“What about your folks?” he continued. “What’ve they had to say about this?”