10. Brooke #2
“They weren’t exactly thrilled, but they love Anslee and visit when they can. You know how it is with the military. They’ve moved twice since she was born, and now, they’re in Vietnam until next fall.”
“Hate Anslee doesn’t get to see them more.”
“Me too.” I smiled, brushing another tear from my cheek as I told him, “But she’s good…
She’s the happiest little girl. She wakes up smiling almost every morning…
She loves building blocks. My heavens. She’ll stack them as high as she can, then clap for herself when they come crashing down. It’s the cutest thing.”
“I bet.”
“She’s just so proud of herself.”
It was easy to talk about her. I was so proud of her, and I absolutely adored her.
So much so, I got a little carried away and almost forgot everything else.
“She loves music, any music, and that goes for commercials on television or the radio… It doesn’t matter.
She starts bouncing the second she hears it. ”
“What else?”
“Uh, well… she loves stories… She can’t get enough of books. She’s always dragging one over to me, and when I read, she listens to every word.” I smiled at the thought. “Right now, she’s into puppy dogs and bears.”
“You spoil her? Surely not,” he teased.
“Oh, I most certainly do. Every chance I get.” He laughed, and the sound filled a place inside I didn’t realize was empty. “But she deserves it… She’s such a good baby.”
“She talking yet?”
“Oh, she talks all day long. I can understand a little of it, but I swear, she thinks she’s having entire conversations. And they are all very important.”
“She sounds perfect.”
“She is.”
I went on to tell him how she loved chasing bubbles in the backyard and playing in water, which meant bathtimes took way longer than they should. Then, I told him how she’d crinkle her little nose when she saw something she didn’t like and how she didn’t go anywhere without her favorite monkey.
I could’ve kept going, but I noticed a change in his demeanor.
His smile was gone, and his eyes were filled with anguish. “I missed all of it… I wasn't there when she was born… I missed her first smile… Her first steps.”
My chest tightened. Every memory I'd been grateful for was one he’d missed. “I know, and I’m so sorry. There were so many nights I wanted to call you. I wanted you there… I wanted her to know you.”
“I would’ve been there. I wouldn’t have missed a second of it.” His eyes grew dark. “Nothing could’ve kept me from you. Nothing.”
The certainty in his words shattered what was left of me. All this time, I'd believed he'd chosen another life. Another woman. Instead, he'd been living without ever knowing the best part of his life had already been born. And that hurt even more than believing he'd stopped loving me.
Neither of us spoke.
We just stood there, staring out at the lake. He was still watching the water when he asked, “Can I ask you something?”
I nodded.
“Are you happy? With him and everything?” That was one question I wasn’t expecting and wasn't sure how to answer. When I didn’t immediately respond, he added, “I know it probably isn’t my place to ask anymore… but I’d still like to know.”
The question hit hard.
After everything, he still cared.
“I’m not sure how to answer that.”
“Just tell me the truth.”
“The truth. I’m not sure what the truth is anymore.” I let out a shaky laugh. “I love Anslee and every second I get to spend with her, and I love my job. I like helping families, and I actually feel like I’m helping people.”
“I always knew you would.”
“I like the house and my friends, but…”
He didn’t say anything, which made me regret ever saying anything.
You would’ve thought that would’ve shut me up.
I didn’t. Instead, I doubled down.
“Ryan’s wonderful. He loves me, and he adores Anslee. He takes such good care of us both…” His blue eyes seemed to pierce right through me. “He really is a good man.”
“He’s good with Anslee. You can’t fake that.”
“No, you can’t. And she loves him for it.”
“And what about you?” My breath caught. “Do you love him?”
“Yes, I love him.” I could’ve left it at that. I probably should have, but I didn’t. “He’s kind and patient, better than I could’ve asked for… But I don’t love him the way he wants me to… Not the way he deserves. He’s a friend. A very good, wonderful friend.”
“I see.”
I shrugged. “I kept telling myself that what I felt was enough, that the spark would come, but it never did.”
He didn’t respond.
He just looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and the world seemed to go still around us. But the world was still out there, and it was waiting for us to figure this thing out.
Anslee was a big part of that, so I suggested, “We should plan a day for you to meet her.”
“When?”
“How about tomorrow or Tuesday after I get off work? We could meet somewhere or…”
“I’m not sure I’ll be back by Tuesday,” he interrupted. “I’m leaving this afternoon.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve got some club business to tend to in Kansas City, but I might be able to do Wednesday or Thursday. I’ll have to let you know.”
“Okay. Whenever will be fine.”
“Thank you.”
“I wish it hadn’t taken us this long.”
“Me too. More than you know,” he scoffed. “I should let you get back.”
“Yeah, I’m sure they’re wondering what’s taking me so long.” I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone. “Do you still have the same number?”
“No, it’s changed a couple of times over the years.”
“Same.”
He pulled his cell from his pocket and handed it to me without hesitation. The simple act made my chest tighten. The last time I'd held his phone, we'd been arguing over whose turn it was to pick the music on a road trip. That lifetime felt impossibly far away.
I tapped in my number, then added my name before handing it back. “You’re all set.”
He glanced down at the screen, and for just a second, he stared at my name like it belonged there. Maybe it always had.
I offered him a small smile as I told him, “Call me.”