50. Henri
Chapter 50
Henri
Every day I wait for Cade to think he’s made a mistake in hiring me. But he keeps treating me like nothing happened. It’s been business as usual.
It’s like I never drank on the job and took an irresponsible last-minute week off for no reason.
I’ve been working overtime trying to make up for the massive bonus he put into a checking account he opened in my name. The debit card is barely used with how little I go anywhere. Working it off seems like the right move.
Where is Deacon? My wolf complains about missing him for the umpteenth time while I sit in business class on our flight back from New Orleans.
He’s at home where he belongs, I remind her.
The sniffs and smells we’ve gotten of him around the house have been keeping her steady. Just knowing he’s nearby is a significant improvement over when he was gone to Romania. She’s manageable.
Not great, but I don’t feel like crawling out of my skin to escape her. Not right now, anyway .
Maybe soon I’ll work up the courage to ask if Deacon will spend some time with me. A weekend, maybe? But as it is, I’m so tired by the time I get home that I collapse into bed each night, ignoring how empty and vacant my still unpacked cabin is.
My alarm goes off on my phone.
Suppressant.
The notification pops up on my screen, and I reach into their designated pocket in my bag. I’m nearly out. The elephant is in the room with a foot on my chest. I’m the only one who can see him, and I’m completely ignoring it as an issue. Every day a little more weight is pressed down on me, and for five minutes while I take the damn pill, I have a micro freakout session.
My fingers shake as I fish one of the pills out, and I struggle to twist the lid off the water bottle. But eventually I get it in my mouth and swallow.
Telling Cade I need leave feels so wrong given my major breach of trust. But it’s unavoidable. Short of an act of God, I’ll go into heat, and just like the first time, I’m going to suffer through it alone, locked in a cabin, fucking myself, wholly unsatisfied until it’s over. Hopefully it’ll be short.
If we tell Deacon, my wolf growls, baring her teeth in anger, he will care for us.
We can’t tell Deacon. I discourage her. We’re not ready to figure things out between us yet.
But now I’m not sure if that’s true or not.
I add a meeting to Cade’s calendar and start dividing out my workload into preplanned emails to send to the team.
I only have five pills left.