These Are My Confessions Bonus Scene
Ashlynn
“I want y’all to try something.”
I signaled to one of the waiters to bring the bottles of cannabis-infused wine Raphael and I created from the blast chiller. Usually, Stephanie, Dina, Hayden, and I met one Sunday out of each month for brunch, but this Sunday was different. Dina was back from her trip to Chaud, Trinidad and Tobago, and St. Vincent, and instead of us going to the same brunch spot we visited almost a month or so ago, I’d invited the girls—along with a couple of ladies I’d recently gotten to know thanks to Hayden—to my guest cottage for brunch and spa treatments.
“What is it?” Hayden asked, scooting to the end of her chair. “More wine?”
“Mmm-hmm. But,” I paused, taking the bottle of mari-wine-a from the waiter, “this is not your average bottle of wine. This is infused with cannabis, and I thought today’s brunch would be the perfect occasion for us to try it.”
“Like the wine we had last night?” my cousin-in-law, Jennifer, asked.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
During the Smoker’s Soiree, Raphael and I announced our collaboration, which garnered a thunderous round of applause from those in attendance, and a shitload of questions from people wanting to know if the wine would be available for sale in retail stores, through the vineyard, or even through Weed the People. Raphael had been completely open and honest with the crowd, informing them we didn’t plan to sell the wine in stores due to the production costs, which would have each bottle retailing close to seventy dollars, along with the laws in Maryland and in the District, but we did want to make it available to WTP VIPs. The jury was still out on how HFV would incorporate the newest wine produced.
“Lawd, Imma have to carry Hayden’s ass to the car,” Stephanie, Hayden’s best friend, grumbled.
I couldn’t help but smile. It was funny how almost a year ago, I’d been lowkey jealous of Stephanie after finding out Mama Grace wanted to set her up with Raphael. Granted, he wasn’t my boyfriend at the time, and I knew he dated during the years we weren’t together, but hearing Dina talk about how close Mama Grace and Stephanie had gotten over the months since Hayden introduced them, left me seeing green.
Now, I couldn’t imagine not having this friendship with Stephanie.
“Ha, ha, ha, heffa,” Hayden deadpanned. “I might be feeling nice, but I am not drunk.”
“I think we’re all feeling nice,” Amara said, taking a bite of the infused crab cake Chef Shanti prepared.
Amara Chandler was the owner of a clothing boutique in Georgetown. She’d successfully launched an evening gown line, Immortal by Amara, whose clients included award-winning actresses and artist, some reality television stars, the W.A.G.s from several professional sports, and me. She was also the girlfriend of Xander McNair, the wide receiver of the Washington Crusaders, D.C.’s professional football team.
“I might fuck around, go home, and put this pussy on Xander’s mustache.”
The room broke out into laughter, and I shook my head. I’d come to learn, over the last few weeks, this group of women had no qualms or didn’t hold back when it came to talking about sex.
“You might?” Stephanie shot Amara a look of disbelief. “I already know I am. Told Nathaniel he needs to be home by the time I get there, ass naked, waiting at the door.”
Laughter erupted once again, and I couldn’t help but chance a glance at Dina. She was actively engaging in the conversation, yet I couldn’t shake the sense of guilt I felt because while Dina was more than aware Stephanie was fucking her brother, she still didn’t know I was an Equestrian Olympic Gold Medalist, and I saddled up her brother’s face more times than she’d seen him in the last few weeks.
“Aye.” Dina scrunched her face up. “No one wants to hear about uptight ass Nathaniel dicking you down in the foyer of his home.” She turned in her chair, her eyes landing on me. The blood in my veins ran cold. “I wanna hear more about last night, specifically from Ashlynn.”
Forcing a smile, I grabbed the bottle of water from the table and took a much-needed gulp. “I think the evening went well. Raphael and I announced our collaboration.”
Dina pursed her lips together. “Mhmm. I saw. And while I think the idea of y’all working together to create a cannabis-infused wine is fantastic, that’s not what I’m getting at, sis.”
Fuck, she knows.
“What I wanna know is how long you and Raphael been together?”
The entire room went quiet. You could hear a rat piss on cotton. I glanced around, not sure what I was looking for, since I knew none of these heffas would try to defuse the situation since every single one of these ladies had been in attendance last night, except Dina. So, they’d seen Raphael and I on the dance floor, me sitting on his lap at the Canna-Cabana, or possibly caught us kissing.
I opened my mouth to respond, but snapped it shut, unsure of exactly what to say. As crazy as it sounded, Raphael and I had history that went far beyond what Dina thought she knew. My question, however, was if now was the time to tell her.
“Yoooo,” Hayden said, cutting into the silence that enveloped the room. “Why does this feel like when I found out Stephanie and Nathaniel were together?” She looked between Stephanie and I. “What is it about the Reed men that made y’all keep your relationship with them a secret?”
Stephanie laughed. “I don’t know about Ashlynn, but I didn’t tell you about Nathaniel and I because I was fighting how I felt about him.”
I’d heard the story plenty of times. Stephanie had been dealing with the residual effects of having her heart broken by a fuck boy after he’d cheated during their long-distance relationship. She hadn’t wanted the same thing to happened between her and Nathaniel, especially since he’d become a friend to her.
However, what Raphael and I had was different.
“What about you, Ashlynn? Why am I just learning about your relationship with my brother?”
It’s now or never.
Taking a deep breath, I told Dina the absolute truth. “Because I didn’t know how you would respond.”
Dina opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it shut.
“So, wait,” Amara started, looking between Dina and I, “I know I haven’t known you long, but did you and Raphael hook up while you were working together to create the wine?”
I shook my head. “No. That would be easy. Raphael and I have history. I had a crush on Raphael since I was fourteen.” I looked at my cousin, De’Ja. “Remember when we played Spin the Bottle at your birthday sixteenth birthday party?”
She nodded. “Of course. You had to kiss Raphael— Oh my gosh. That’s when y’all got together?”
“Nah. I’d had a crush on Raphael a little before then, but it was amplified when we kissed. Nothing ever came from it.”
“Until it did?” Dina asked.
“Yeah.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Lemme start at the beginning. Back when I was a freshman at Cornell University, my roommate and her cousins were talking about a party they were going to hit up at a ‘neighboring’ university. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it because there are several smaller colleges in Ithaca. However, we ended up in Syracuse.”
Hayden frowned. “Raphael went to Syracuse. I walked in on Daxton and Nathaniel watching one of his old games a couple weeks ago. Don’t ask me why they were.”
Both Dina and I nodded.
“He did. Raphael had no idea I was going to be on his campus, let alone for a party, and I didn’t want him to know. I was an hour away from my school, and I thought he would snitch and tell my parents. I tagged along with them both drunk and high as fuck, not knowing my roommate and her cousins had alternative motives for us being there. My roommate’s cousin learned her ex-boyfriend from home was in a relationship, and because his fraternity was holding the party, she wanted to pop up and confront him and his new girlfriend.”
“Not her being upset with the new chick,” someone said.
I couldn’t be sure who since my focus was on Dina. She needed to hear this story more than anyone in this room.
“I was having fun, dancing and minding my business, but my roommate and her cousins found the ex-boyfriend and his new chick. The cousin, whose ex it was, approached them, started an argument, then she swung at the girl. What she didn’t expect was for the girl to fight back, or for the girl’s friends to jump in when the cousins and my roommate tried jumping the new girlfriend. My roommate and her cousins went to the hospital because of the injuries they sustained. Then, they were taken to the police station after the girl pressed charges and the ex corroborated the story. Long story short, I was stranded. I called the only person I knew, Raphael.”
A smile tilted my lips as I thought back to that night. I’d been high, drunk, and scared as fuck since I couldn’t use my credit cards knowing my parents monitored my bills, and they would see I purchased a bus or train ticket from Syracuse.
“By the time Raphael came to pick me up, I was feeling the effects of the liquor and the weed. I threw up on myself, in his car, and several times in his off-campus apartment before I could make it to the bathroom. He didn’t complain. Instead, Raphael called a couple of freshmen basketball players and gave them a list of items to bring over. When they arrived, he left me in his bathroom, vomiting the contents of my stomach. I was so embarrassed. Here I was in the house of the guy I’d had a huge crush on for so long, throwing up and making a fool of myself. To make matters worse, my dumbass started talking to myself out loud. I didn’t think Raphael heard me, but he did.”
Stephanie came to sit beside me. “How do you know he heard you?”
“Because he told me. Raphael overheard me berating myself and admitting how I liked him for so long, but he didn’t mention hearing me talk about him during the night he took care of me. He ended up saying something during the drive back to my school. He admitted to hearing what I said and wanted me to know nothing I did changed how he felt about me because he felt the same way.”
“So, you mean to tell me you and Raphael been fucking on each other since you were fucking seventeen, and I’m just now finding out about it?” Dina glared at me, incredulously.
“Not really, but something like that.” I walked over to where she sat and took her hands in mine. “Although, we got together a few months after that night, Raphael and I broke up after the injury. He’d been angry, depressed, and a shell of the man he believed he should be. I tried to be there for him, but he pushed me away. Ultimately, he ended things, no longer wanting to subject me to his pain.”
“Shit. I know how that feels,” Amara said, shaking her head. “When Xander learned the Dealers were preparing to let him go, he got depressed. This muthafucka stopped talking to me and everyone who cared for him. It took me showing up at his home and telling him I wasn’t going to let him go because I saw something in us.”
“I kinda did the same thing,” I confessed, with a sad smile. “But Raphael wasn’t hearing it. I was a sophomore in college. In his mind, he needed to let me go so I could spread my wings and fly. Only, I wanted him.” Admitting this aloud did something to me. My heart ached at the time Raphael and I lost, both times. “He let me go, and we spent years apart, until seven years ago, when we got back together. For two years, Raphael and I were sneaking around. Then, I got the chance to study abroad. When I told Raphael, he was excited for me.” I wouldn’t tell them we’d been engaged around this time because I could only imagine how Dina must’ve felt hearing her best friend and brother carried on a relationship for so long. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t expect him to demand I stay with him; I did. I knew better. Raphael has always wanted me to be happy, and he knew my dreams. He supported me, told me not to worry about our relationship, and to focus on learning everything I could. For the first few months, I believed everything was okay, until I realized how selfish it was to expect this beautiful man to wait for me. I broke up with him. We spent five long years living on the edges of each other’s life. I learned about his accomplishments through social media and Dina, and vice versa. Following the NYE party, we connected.”
I took a moment to think of what I wanted to say to Dina, and prayed she would be understanding. “Look, Dina, I love you. I’ve loved you since we met, but I also heard you when you talked about those so-called friends who used you to try and date your brothers. I fought my feelings for Raphael for so long, going as far as to hide our relationship from you even when I wanted to shout it from the mountaintops. One of the promises I made Raphael was that I wouldn’t repeat the past. So, I’m telling you about us, and granted, this isn’t the place to do so, but now that it’s out in the open, a weight has been lifted off my chest. I just pray you can accept what I’ve told you.”
Dina raised an eyebrow. “Lemme get this straight, you’re asking me for my blessing?”
I laughed. “Hell nah.”
A collective gasp erupted throughout the living room.
Yeah, my delivery came out aggressive as hell, but I didn’t want Dina to think her opinion would be the deciding factor of my relationship with Raphael. “I love you, bestie, but no. I’m not asking you for anything. Raphael and I are together, point-blank period. How you and the public handle it is your business. Not mine. You will always be my best friend, but he is future, and I’m happy.”
The silence that fell over the room was deafening. For several minutes, no one moved, or that’s how I saw it. I was rooted to my spot, staring at Dina, waiting for her to speak. When she opened her mouth, my breath caught in my lungs.
“Good,” Dina said, unfolding her arms. She stood, coming over to me and wrapping her arms around me. “It took you and Raphael long enough to finally admit your feelings for one another. I’ve been waiting for the day I could call you my sister for real.”
I gasped. “Say what?”
Dina laughed. “Girl, we all saw that kiss at De’Ja’s party. Even though you tried to deny liking him, I knew you did. I’m just glad y’all got shit together. I was tired of telling him of all the things you were doing when you were abroad or telling you what he was doing in the States. Y’all thought I had a big mouth not realizing it was all intentional. I was waiting for him to man the fuck up and claim your ass.”
Laughter erupted from the women, and I couldn’t help but smile. I’d been so scared to tell my best friend about my feelings for her brother, only to learn she’d been rooting for Raphael and I to get together this entire time. It was hilarious, and while a part of me wanted to be pissed, I couldn’t. Things meant to be would happen according to the way they were destined. This was how our story was supposed to end. Raphe and I got our happily ever after.