Chapter 30
30
By the time he’d convinced Avery that she hadn’t ruined everything, the thick black eyeliner was smeared around her eyes so much she looked like a sad little panda. Dylan took her into the bathroom, sitting her on the edge of the bath while he ran a flannel under the hot tap. Holding her chin, he wiped the mess from her face then pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. ‘There you go, all better.’
‘I’m really sorry, Dad.’ Her voice gave a telltale wobble and Dylan crouched in front of her and took her hands, shaking them gently.
‘Hey, no more tears, okay? I’m not mad at you and neither is Sadie. Remember how she said that if things were different it would be a lovely idea? I know it came from a place of kindness, darling, and Sadie understands that too.’
‘But if you like each other then you should be able to spend more time together,’ Avery protested.
‘We do like each other, but it’s simply not possible, darling.’
‘Why not?’
Dylan didn’t have it in him to argue the point any more, mainly because a large part of him agreed with her. ‘Come on, let’s try your eyeliner again and then we can go downstairs and see everyone. You don’t want the rest of the family to know you’ve been crying, do you?’ She shook her head. ‘That’s my girl.’
With Theo’s help, they found some make-up tutorials on YouTube and soon the upset was forgotten as the three of them pulled faces in front of the mirror and practised putting on the eyeliner. ‘You look great, Dad,’ Avery said between giggles.
‘A smoky eye really suits you,’ Theo said, sounding exactly like one of the girls from the video.
Dylan tilted his head as though considering his reflection seriously. ‘Do you know what? I think you’re right. I’m keeping it on.’
‘Daddy!’ Avery burst out laughing again.
Dylan caught Theo’s reflection and sent him a ghost of a wink. ‘I think I’ll keep mine on too,’ Theo declared. ‘And I’m wearing my hat.’
And so somehow the three of them ended up walking into the lounge with matching cat-eye liner. They earned themselves a few raised eyebrows, but when Dylan worked his way across the room to where Sadie was sipping champagne and chatting to Marcus, she didn’t say anything, just gave him a knowing smile as Avery slipped between them to curl an arm around Sadie’s waist. Sadie returned the hold and Dylan watched her hand move in slow circles over his daughter’s back, soothing and reassuring her. When a server passed with a tray full of fizzing glasses, Dylan helped himself to one and asked the girl if she could fetch them a couple of Buck’s fizzes. ‘Heavy on the orange juice, though, yeah?’
She nodded. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’
When she returned he handed them to Avery and Theo with a warning look. ‘Sip it slowly and it’s back on juice or soda after this, okay?’ They’d had a little bit of champagne at Jen and Eric’s wedding reception and been fine. He was sure both he and Jen would have to deal with some foolish behaviour as the kids grew older, but they’d reasoned that allowing the children to try a little bit now and then under proper supervision would lessen their curiosity. Canapés were passed around next, in lieu of cold starters, one of the servers explained when Dylan shook his head. ‘Oh, well, in that case.’ He helped himself to a miniature toad-in-the-hole.
The rest of the family arrived for lunch, including Monty, who was looking very smart – for him – in clean jeans, a dress shirt and a bright red bow tie. Dylan didn’t miss the way he clung to Alice’s hand, as though afraid if he let go he’d lose her again. Silly old fool. He’d come so close to throwing everything away. As the clock ticked past one, the servers circulated once more, this time with empty trays, and began gathering up glasses. Dylan was happy to surrender his half-drunk champagne, which had grown warm in his hand. A high-pitched hum had heads turning towards the door, including his. Dressed in full Highland regalia, a piper stood there. Silence fell as he began to play, the gathered guests parting as he marched in slow time around the room and back towards the door.
Ziggy offered his arm to Daisy and the two of them followed the piper, leading everyone from the lounge and along the corridor to the ballroom. The tables had been set out in the same arrangement as for the murder-mystery night, although they looked even more impressive with decorated centrepieces and crackers laid across each plate. The family mixed and mingled in, sitting in couples at different tables so all the guests had a chance to talk to them. The piper had disappeared towards the kitchen, but the sound of his pipe could soon be heard coming back up the corridor and this time when he appeared he was followed by a line of staff, each person carrying a silver salver full of food. The chef and his assistant came in last, bearing a huge bronze turkey on a platter between them. They completed a circuit between the tables before quickly dispersing behind a long serving counter with heat lamps suspended over it to keep the food warm. The piper departed to a round of applause and they were led table by table to the counter to choose whatever they wanted from the selection on offer.
Much later they were lingering over coffee and mince pies, everyone too full to move even the few steps it would take to go back to the lounge. Avery’s head lolled for a second and Dylan caught her around the shoulders before she managed to fall asleep. ‘You okay?’
She nodded. ‘I think I ate too much, though.’
‘I think we all ate too much. Do you want to go and have a lie down?’
‘That sounds like a good idea,’ Sadie said, getting to her feet. ‘I keep telling myself I should go for a walk, but it’s getting dark already.’ Dylan checked his watch. It was after four so they’d been sitting there for the best part of three hours.
‘Come on, let’s make a move.’
Stevie was waiting for them by the door. ‘There’ll be a light supper in the lounge between six and eight,’ she said, earning herself a chorus of groans.
‘I never want to eat again,’ Theo said, hands clutching his belly.
Dylan steered them upstairs, Sadie just behind them. When they reached the landing he turned to her. ‘Can I come to you later?’
‘Of course.’
Once the kids were settled in their rooms, Dylan kicked off his shoes and lay back on his bed. He was tired after the late night and too much food but he felt too wired to sleep. Though he’d done his best to enjoy lunch, two words had been bouncing around his head – why not?
It was as if Avery had opened Pandora’s box and now the idea had been spoken aloud he couldn’t let it go. He understood that Sadie needed to get home and see her family, but that didn’t mean that when she left they had to say goodbye forever. If it was down to money, then she didn’t have to worry about that because he would cover the cost of an aeroplane ticket without thinking twice about it. It wouldn’t be easy and it would mean going weeks, probably months, without seeing each other, but he was willing to try if she was. Even if things didn’t work out in the long run, wouldn’t it be worth the risk on the off chance it did?
He was still mulling over how to raise the subject when he knocked on Sadie’s door later that evening. When she opened it wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a very welcoming smile, the well-rehearsed words vanished from his brain and they only came back to him much later as they lay tangled in the sheets. Sadie’s fingers were tracing a slow, distracting path up and down the inside of his arm and Dylan was contemplating whether he had it in him to persuade her to stroke other bits of him when she spoke. ‘Do you know what I keep wondering?’ she mused.
Dylan rolled onto his side. ‘What?’
‘What do you think Millie the Minx did exactly with a shot glass, a golf ball and a peacock feather?’
He stared at her for a long moment then burst out laughing. ‘I have no idea, but now I really want to know if we can work it out.’ The logistics failed them, but they had a great time trying and Dylan didn’t think he’d ever laughed so much in his life. ‘God, Sadie, give me half a chance and I could fall in love with you.’
He’d been half joking but, instead of laughing, she turned and buried her face in his shoulder. ‘Don’t say that.’
Cupping her face, Dylan coaxed her to look at him. ‘Why not if it’s true?’
She shook her head. ‘You know why. This can’t be, Dylan, we both agreed that from the start.’
‘I know it’s a lot to think about and there’s a million reasons for us to walk away, but none of them are as good as the one reason to try.’
Sadie swallowed hard enough he saw her throat bob. ‘And what’s that?’
‘Because we both want to.’
She closed her eyes and dropped back against her pillow. ‘We can’t always get what we want, though.’
He propped himself up on his elbow to stare down at her. ‘Why not? Look, if it’s about the money, I can cover the travel costs.’
‘It’s not just the money, is it? We have too many responsibilities, family, jobs.’ She ticked each item off with her fingers. ‘And when would we see each other? Once or twice a year at best. What’s the point in that?’
‘But that wouldn’t be forever. Once the kids are older, I’ll have more time…’
‘To do what? Give up the life you’ve built over the past thirty years to shack up with me in a pokey little two-up, two-down?’ Tears glistened on the ends of her lashes as she reached up to stroke his cheek. ‘If we were twenty I’d take your hand and run anywhere in the world you wanted to take me, but we’re not, and I can’t. I’m sorry. We can still be friends.’
‘Can we? Is that honestly enough for you? Because it sure as hell isn’t enough for me!’ He didn’t mean to snap at her, but how could she give up on this so easily?
Her fingers stilled against his cheek. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for any of this to happen, we just got carried away in the moment.’
Dylan closed his eyes against the pain welling in his chest. ‘You’re not even willing to try.’
Her hand fell away. ‘I think you should go now.’
His eyes snapped open. ‘You’re throwing me out?’
‘No, I just can’t give you what you’re asking of me. It’s too much, Dylan, I’m sorry. I don’t want us to fall out over this though, that’s why I think you should go.’
‘Sadie…’
‘Please, Dylan.’
Wishing he’d kept his mouth shut, he climbed out of bed and gathered his clothes. They didn’t speak while he dressed, but Sadie pulled on her dressing gown and followed him to the door. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, and when he glanced down at her, her face was streaked with tears.
Christ, now he’d made her cry. ‘Come here.’ He pulled her into his arms, kissing and stroking her hair as she sobbed against his chest. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,’ he murmured over and over again.
After what seemed like forever, her tears subsided and she shifted in his arms. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get upset.’
Dylan stroked her cheek. ‘I hate to leave you like this.’
‘I’ll be okay.’ She turned her face to press a kiss to his palm.
‘At least we have a couple more days together. We can make the most of it,’ he said, dragging a smile up from somewhere.
Sadie shook her head. ‘No. I think it’s best for both of us if we call it a day now. Spend these last two days with your family. You owe it to them and the kids.’ She placed a hand over his heart. ‘You owe it to yourself, too.’
He felt as though she were tearing him in two. ‘This can’t be goodbye, Sadie.’
She stretched up on tiptoe to brush a kiss over his mouth. ‘It is, Dylan. It has to be. It’s the best decision for both of us.’
He walked away, the salt taste of her tears on his lips. There was nothing else he could say because Sadie had clearly made up her mind.