Chapter 33
LEXI
“Ican’t believe he bought you a fucking cabin?”
Daphne’s laugh echoed throughout the cabin. “He didn’t buy me a cabin. It’s an investment.”
“Bullshit, girlie pop. Nate Dog’s got it bad for you.
” The cabin was amazing—the perfect retreat from the city.
We were going to have so much fun here in the summer.
I was looking out the back window, imagining myself floating on a raft in the middle of the lake, when Daphne came to stand next to me.
“It’s pretty great, huh?”
“It’s perfect. I can’t wait for summer. You, me, floaties, and margs.
Say less!” I wrapped an arm around my bestie.
She invited me here for a girls’ weekend to help her get the place ready for Christmas, and I was more than willing to help.
But we also needed this time to reconnect.
My little menty b last winter put too much space between us both physically and emotionally, and I thought it was about time for me to come clean.
The Lexi that pushed people away was on her way out, never to be seen again. At least I hoped so.
“Fall will always be my favorite, but you’re right, I’m excited for summers here too.” Daphne moved into the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”
I joined her in the large open kitchen. “Nah, I’m good for now. So, what’s our plan of attack?”
“Let’s get all the stuff out of the car first, and then I can figure out where everything will go.”
Hours later, we’d put a pretty significant dent in the decorations, but still had half-full boxes of decor strewn about the space.
“Okay, I’m toast. How about we call it for today?” Daphne said as she plopped onto the couch.
“Sounds good to me. I think it’s wine-o’clock anyway.” I called from the kitchen, where I was already uncorking a bottle of our favorite red.
“Yes, please! We deserve it.”
I handed Daphne her glass and joined her on the couch. “The place looks great, Daphne, really. And I’m so happy for you.” I raised my glass. “Here’s to you and Nate Dog and your beautiful future.”
Daphne eyed me suspiciously, but clinked her glass against mine. “California changed you.”
“What do you mean?” I wondered if she really saw a difference in me since I’d gone away.
“Babe, I love you, but something’s been up with you for a while. You up and left in March and haven’t really been yourself since. And now a toast to me, Nathan and our beautiful life? Come on. Spill it. What’s going on with you?”
I took a deep breath. Confessing was something I knew I had to do.
I’d wanted to for a while, but most times when we were together, Nathan was around or we were at work.
No, that’s a lie I’d been telling myself, too.
Truthfully, the fear of losing my best friend had kept me quiet.
She told me not to hurt Brandon, and that’s exactly what I’d done.
But as my therapist loved to tell me, I can’t control how others will react to my actions, but I can control my actions.
And coming clean was the first step to rebuilding the trust I’d broken with Daphne—even if she didn’t know it was broken.
I turned to face her, tucking my legs up underneath me. “Sooooo, remember how you told me not to fuck Brandon?”
“Oh sweet baby Cheesus, Lexi. You didn’t!” She palmed her face.
“I did. And then I did exactly what you said I’d do—I hurt him.
Things were getting kinda serious, and I freaked out and I ran.
I ran all the way to California.” Rushing my words, I continued, feeling an overwhelming need to get it all out.
“I was a fucking mess. I liked him. Like, I really liked him, and it made me really uneasy. I was afraid I’d gotten too close.
I was afraid of falling for him. So I took that leave of absence, thinking that if I put some distance between us, I’d get over it.
But I didn’t. I thought about him every freaking day.
So when I got back, I started seeing a therapist to find out what the fuck was wrong with me.
My dad leaving when I was little obviously fucked me up, and seeing my mom sad all the time didn’t help.
But as it turns out, Mom’s been fucking fine this whole time, and get this—dating.
Nevermind. That’s for another time. The point is, I wanted to figure out why I was such a fuckgirl and why I had such a hard time letting people in.
” A tear slid down my cheek. “I at least wanted to learn how to open myself up more. I realized I didn’t want to be alone forever.
And I know you told me not to, and I know I fucked up, but please know that I’m so sorry.
I never meant to lie to you or keep things from you.
I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was so afraid of losing you.
You’re the only person I’ve ever really let in before. ”
Daphne pulled me into a hug. “Oh, Lexi. Please don’t cry. It’s okay.”
I sobbed into her neck. “Really?”
She pulled away from me to look me in the eye. “You’re my best friend, bitch, and I love you. Did you mess up? Yes. But I don’t know why you didn’t just tell me from the jump.”
“Let’s see…” I ticked off each point on a finger.
“I fucked Nathan’s brother after you specifically told me not to, then I lied to your face about it, and worst of all, I did exactly what you said I’d do and the whole reason you wanted me to stay away from him in the first place—I hurt Brandon.
I was so afraid you’d be pissed, and I didn’t want to lose you, too. ”
“Okay, all of that is bad, and I’m not thrilled about you lying to me, but I don’t think I really gave you an opportunity to tell me. If I’m not mistaken, I mentioned a few times what a mess it would be if you two hooked up, but I shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t my place, and I’m sorry.”
“No, you were right. I wasn’t interested in a relationship then, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to be getting involved with him or anyone, for that matter. He’s too good, and he didn’t deserve what I did or how I treated him.” I wiped my eyes.
“God, I was such an asshole, and I feel terrible, Lex. I love you so much.” She pulled me into another hug.
“I love you too.” I sat back and sipped my wine. “And you weren’t an asshole. You were calling me out on my bullshit, and I was being selfish. Thankfully, I’m in a better place now.”
“I’m happy for you, babe.” She took a sip from her glass before continuing.
“I thought it was weird that we didn’t see him much this summer.
He was probably avoiding anything where you might have been invited, but you were avoiding me like the plague, too.
I thought something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Oh, fuck, is it going to be weird at Christmas? ”
“I’m not sure. I think I made it right, or at least I’m trying to. We’re… um… dating?”
“Is that a question?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. We’re trying to take things slow, but we’ve been out a few times.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Daphne asked.
“Things have been really good, I think. We have a lot of fun together, and it’s been weird but nice getting to know each other with our clothes on.”
Daphne laughed. “Oh, there she is.”
“I know. It’s so weird, right? I can’t believe I’m actually having ‘clothes on’ fun with a man, especially a man I’ve already fucked six ways from Sunday.”
Daphne placed her hands over her ears. “La la la la.”
“It’s not like you’ve never heard about my exploits before.”
“He’s Nathan’s brother, Lexi! I do not need the details.”
I arched a brow. “So you don’t want to know about his magical monster cock?”
Daphne made a gagging sound and then practically shouted, “Fuck no! Don’t ever say that again, or I will drown you in this lake! Capeesh?”
“Okay, okay. So, you’re really not mad?” I winced.
Daphne took my hands in hers. “I’m not mad, but like I said, I’m a little upset you didn’t come to me sooner. I would have liked to help you through it. I’m sad that you’ve been keeping it all in and dealing with this all on your own. Does your mom know at least?”
“Yeah, she’s been great. I was glad I had her these past few months, but I’ve missed you so much. I’m really so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. But please don’t shut me out again. That’s what best friends are for—to get us through tough times. I’m here for you, babe, no matter what.”
“I won’t. I promise. And I mean it this time, I swear. There’s one more thing, though.”
“Oh, fuck. What now?”
“Can we keep this between us for now?”
“Like I can’t tell Nathan? I don’t know about that, Lex.
” The concerned look on her face had me almost regretting asking her, but Brandon and I wanted to keep our relationship to ourselves for now.
I told him I was going to tell Daphne, but he wanted to give us a little more time before his whole family started harassing us.
“Just until after the holidays. We are really trying to give it a go, but if I fuck it up again, I don’t want his whole family to hate me.” That was the truth. I wanted to minimize the number of people who knew so that I wouldn’t be a total pariah if shit went south again.
“I’m sure everyone would be so happy for you guys. And you won’t fuck it up, but if things don’t work out between you two, no one will hate you either.”
“You’re probably right, but we aren’t ready. We aren’t even having S. E. X. yet.”
Daphne’s eyes were wide. “Wow, you must really like him.”
I slapped her arm. “Jesus, like I’m such a slut. Okay, okay. I was. But I’m really trying to be better.”
“Okay. I’m going to keep my yap shut to Nathan about it for now, but I can’t keep your secret forever. That’s not how I roll with him.”
“You’re the best, and I promise it won’t be too long. Just let us get through the holidays, and then we’ll tell everyone.”