Chapter Twenty-Four #2
‘Yeah, I s’pose,’ said Anthony, turning to Marco. ‘What do you do for a living, then?’
Lucy smiled as Marco launched into a monologue about the importance of insurance for heritage buildings.
The next part of her plan started this afternoon, when she planned to sign up for some dating apps.
She waved at the waiter and pointed to her empty glass, working on the basis that some things should never, ever be done sober.
‘I need your help,’ said Lucy, pushing in her earbuds as she rummaged in the fridge for snacks and more wine. ‘What do you know about dating apps?’
‘Why are you asking me?’ said Jonno. ‘I’m in Wagamama for a birthday lunch with sixteen fourteen-year-old girls. I’ve been married to the same woman for over twenty years, and she would cut off my balls if I so much as looked at a dating app.’
‘OK, but you probably have lots of friends who do this kind of thing,’ said Lucy. ‘I need one that’s going to filter out the fuckboys and ghosters. I want all members screened for emotional intelligence and basic human decency.’
‘And dashing good looks, obviously.’
‘Well, obviously,’ said Lucy.
‘How much are you prepared to pay?’
‘I’m not sure. Quite a bit, probably.’
‘There are definitely member-only sites, for sure,’ said Jonno. ‘Like, exclusive dating clubs where all the members are vetted and you have to meet certain criteria, or something. But it means you don’t have to wade through all the dross.’
‘I want that,’ said Lucy, despite having no idea if she would meet the criteria.
‘Hold fire then,’ said Jonno. ‘I’m going to message a woman called Tamsyn. She’s a friend of Marcia’s, very high up in tech. Met a guy through one of these sites, they’re getting married in July.’
‘Excellent,’ said Lucy. ‘Can you ask her to call me?’
‘Yeah,’ said Jonno. ‘Leave it with me.’
‘You’re a babe,’ said Lucy. ‘Good luck with Wagamama.’
‘I’ll definitely need it. Good luck with finding Mr Emotionally Intelligent.’
Lucy smiled and ended the call, then poured herself another glass of wine, deciding that was probably enough if she was going to write herself a bio that was vaguely coherent.
She’d earmarked today as Day One of her plan to start eating properly, sleeping alone and being open to relationships like a normal person.
But she hadn’t expected to find the online dating landscape quite so overwhelming – she’d found both Anthony and Marco on Tinder, but that definitely wasn’t the kind of relationship she was looking for any more.
Since she had no idea when Tamsyn might call her, she clicked on TikTok to kill time.
A week ago she’d watched a video of a woman trying on a wedding dress that looked just like the one she’d imagined she might wear one day, then fell down a rabbit hole of episodes of Say Yes to the Dress on YouTube.
Now the algorithmic social media goblins had decided she was definitely getting married, so her feed was awash with suggested videos featuring wedding dresses and weight loss tips.
Presumably the two went hand in hand, which was depressing in itself.
She casually scrolled to Nate’s page, and found two new videos – one of Nate travelling to Amsterdam for an LGBTQ+ charity gala, chatting on the Eurostar about how excited he was.
Then a video of the event itself, where he performed a brilliant version of Elton and Kiki’s ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ with Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
Too late, thought Lucy. But I’m getting there.
She reminded herself that the experience with Nate had been a good thing – it had shown her that she could experience deeper feelings for someone than just a sexual connection.
And now she was about to embark on a journey to find someone else who made her feel the way he had.
It couldn’t only happen once in a lifetime, surely?
Her phone rang, making her jump. She glanced at the screen to see it was an unknown number, then took a deep breath before pushing her earbuds back in and answering it.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi,’ said a brusque, no-nonsense voice. ‘I’m Tamsyn, friend of Jonno’s. He asked me to call you?’
‘Yeah,’ said Lucy. ‘Thanks for getting back to me.’
‘No problem,’ said Tamsyn. ‘You’re looking for an executive dating club?’
‘Definitely. But I’m not sure I’d meet the criteria to join. I just work in advertising, I’m not special or anything.’
‘That’s not what Jonno tells me; he talks about you like you’re royalty,’ said Tamsyn, and Lucy could hear the smile in her voice. ‘And anyway, it’s not about being rich or famous or anything. The one I used decides if you’re an interesting addition to their membership.’
‘Based on what?’
‘Your job, your lifestyle, your interests. They have members all over the world, mostly busy professionals who want to avoid time-wasters. And they don’t tolerate any kind of shitty behaviour.’
‘It sounds expensive,’ said Lucy, mentally cancelling her gym membership in favour of spending her evenings wading through time-poor executives in search of love.
‘It is. But definitely worth it.’
‘OK,’ said Lucy. ‘Can you send me some information? Is there a website?’
‘Not that you can access until you’re a member. I can refer you, I’ll do it now.’
‘Really? That’s so kind.’
‘You come highly recommended, it’s fine.’
‘I really appreciate this, Tamsyn. It sounds great.’
‘It is. You’ll meet some extraordinary people. Keep an eye out for an email from EMNA.’
‘Emma?’ asked Lucy. ‘Who’s Emma?’
‘No, EMNA,’ laughed Tamsyn. ‘Elite Matches, No Arseholes.’
‘Ha,’ replied Lucy. ‘Sounds perfect.’
She ended the call with a fizz of anticipation in her belly, wondering whether this would be her first ever summer of falling in love.
It was now February, and she was due to turn thirty-three in June.
Four months to find someone special to share her birthday with.
How hard could it be, really? People did it all the time.
New beginnings, thought Lucy, feeling excited for the future for the first time in years. Time to dream big.