Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
Reagan
“I don’t know why, Elena, but it freaked me out. As if I were cheating on Randy, which is crazy. What the hell is wrong with me?” I lamented over my cup of coffee, tears threatening to spill over from the corners of my eyes.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You went through a huge loss. Just like Wilde did. It’s okay to be scared.”
I paused. “Like Wilde did? What do you mean?”
“I take he hasn’t told you yet, then. I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you. It’s nothing bad, it happened years ago, but he lost someone, too. I thought maybe you two could I don’t know, maybe heal together?”
My heart pounded in my chest. He lost someone? “Was it his wife?”
“No. His high school girlfriend. A car accident. He was driving.”
My hand clutched at my chest as a stab of pain ran through me. “Oh my God, that’s awful.”
“I know. He still blames himself when the accident was in no way his fault. A drunk driver hit them from behind. She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and was thrown from the car, causing her death.”
“Poor Wilde, that must’ve been a nightmare. And his poor girlfriend. I can’t even imagine.”
“I know. I was five when it happened, so I don’t remember much besides what I’ve been told.”
“I keep forgetting he’s so much older than we are. Not that it changes anything.”
“It shouldn’t. Age is merely a number. But like I said, it’s okay to be scared.
Life is scary. But if we don’t take risks, we’ll never get the rewards we deserve.
And we deserve a lot.” Elena laughed while looking around the break room at work.
She was right. Teaching kindergartens often required the patience of a saint. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Elena reached into her bag and pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen. She scribbled an address down and slid it over to me. “Go pay him a visit.”
I shook my head. “But Elena, I was such a bitch to him. I lied and kicked him out…all because I’m a chicken shit.”
“So, we all fuck up. We’re all chicken shits from time to time Apologize and move on. He understands being scared, believe me.”
I could barely focus the rest of the day, and I’d never been more thankful for it to end.
At home, I showered and changed, styled my hair, and did my makeup, hoping to make a good impression. Not that I needed to, but it made me feel better to put some makeup on and look good for Wilde. It couldn’t hurt to butter him up some, right?
After racing my brain for days, I still didn’t understand why I acted the way I did the other morning.
I freaked out, thinking he was Randy or I was cheating on Randy, and I didn’t know how to handle the weird feelings.
But all of these feelings, they’re normal.
A part of the grieving process. And a big part was opening my heart again, learning to love and trust, and let someone in once more.
I think I was allowed at least one or two freak outs in the process.
On my way over to Wilde’s, I stopped and picked up a take-out order from the diner in town. Who could resist cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate shakes?
When I landed on his doorstep, food in hand, and shivering from the cold, I took a deep breath and rang his bell. Here goes nothing.
An eternity later, more like a minute, and the door opened, Wilde standing there in jeans, a t-shirt, and bare feet. A cute Golden retriever danced at his feet, and I couldn’t help but giggle at the sight.
“Hey. Can we talk?”
Wilde raked a hand through his hair, a screen door still between us, his dog going crazy. “Uh, I don’t know if this is a good time.” His voice was gruff, cold.
I deserved it. I knew that. But hearing it in person was so much worse.
I held up the bag of food and tray of drinks. “Please? I brought your favorite diner meal.” I offered a smile. I remembered everything he told me, how could I not?
“Chocolate shakes, too?” Wilde groaned but a small smile played at the corner of his lips.
“Of course. Listen, Wilde, I’m sorry. I freaked out and was a rude bitch. Can I please explain inside where it’s not five degrees? Besides, I think your dog really wants to meet me.” I looked down at Otis going bananas next to his owner waiting for him to open the screen door between us.
“Okay. But only because it’s freezing and my dog can’t resist your charms.” Half of his mouth turned up in a grin as he opened the door. Immediately, Otis circled me, but he didn’t jump. Wilde took the food from me, freeing my hands for all of the puppy love coming my way.
He led me inside after closing the door behind me and took my jacket as I slid off my shoes, leaving them by the door. I followed him into the kitchen, Otis by my side. “I’m an idiot.” I said, wanting to clear the air and finally kiss him once again.
“I’ve been through a lot and I got scared.
I’m sorry, Wilde. Things with you are so great and I never thought I’d have that after losing Randy.
” I explained. “Losing him after only being married for a few short months was hard. I hated the military for a long time. I felt like it took everything from me. But I was young when I got married, only nineteen and full of dumb decisions. I’m twenty-five now and I’ve grown a ton.
And while you might be a lot older than me, age doesn’t matter, not when it’s the right person.
I might need to go slow, but I want to do it with you. ”
Wilde set down a plate and rounded the kitchen island, taking me into his arms. “I’m so sorry for your loss.
I suffered one too, a little younger than you, and it changes your life.
I’ve been alone for so long, that opening myself up to someone else is scary as hell.
But you make it feel so easy, so natural, and I couldn’t help but lean into it.
You ease my aches and soothe my grumpiness in just the short time I’ve known you.
I’ll go as slow as you want. All I ask is you don’t shut me out. Because then I shut down.”
“I promise.” I leaned forward and kissed him softly as he swept my mouth into a more desire fueled kiss, our tongues swirling together as we made up for lost time. Not that there was much to make up for, but why not?
As we enjoyed our dinner, we discussed our pasts more in depth and afterward, we took Otis for a quick walk, hurrying back home for a warm cup of hot cocoa.
Wilde told me about building his cabin, an impressive feat, and invited me to spend the evening.
I promised not to freak out this time, but only if he cooked me breakfast.
In bed.