So Vein, Vampire Mayor

Popular Candidate Pulls out of Mayoral Race

Maisie Collins

Argleton Gazette

Chirag Ahuja – local restaurateur, captain of the Argleton Axolotls cricket team, and delighter in all things whimsical – is pulling out of the mayoral race.

“I’m sorry to disappoint the village. I was so excited to bring my ideas to life and make Argleton the best village in England.

Unfortunately, my cancer has come back, and I’ve decided – that is, my wife, Diya, has decided, and I concede she is correct in all things – that it’s best to focus on my health. ”

Ahuja was running on a platform of “Bold, Bright, and Beautiful”. He had plans to paint the municipal buildings bold colours, highlight diversity with an international food festival, and attract more families to the village by turning the Old Mill into a roller-coaster park.

With Ahuja out of the race, it looks as though popular local councillor Augustin Durant – running on a platform of dependability, sensible fiscal policy, and opposition to late-night bus services – will take the vote in a sweeping majority.