Somebody's Darling

Chapter 34

Before sunrise, Jesse walked the silent streets of Gettysburg alone. He knew Lucy must still be sleeping, and he longed to be there next to her in bed. Holding her close, feeling the warmth of her body. As he wandered aimlessly, he found himself headed toward Devil’s Den. Normally, he would have turned around and headed the other way, but something made him continue on toward the place where he had died.

It was a good time to visit for quiet reflection because it was deserted at this hour of the morning. The sun was just coming up as he walked over to where he had drawn his last breath. He stood right in the spot where he’d first been shot in the shoulder and thought of the events that had immediately preceded that bullet. He thought of Charles and closed his eyes.

I’m sorry, Charles, he thought. I’m sorry for you, I’m sorry for your mama. I’m sorry if you had a girl like Emma or Lucy waiting for you to come home. I’m sorry.

Jesse felt his sadness over killing Charles ease greatly. It felt good to apologize, and it felt good to know that he had Joel’s forgiveness for killing his friend.

After spending so much time avoiding Devil’s Den, today he spent hours there. He took his time contemplating everything that had happened. His life. His death. He’d been around for so long that there was much to think about, to sort through. He thought of his life on the farm in Texas, his friends back home, and even the dog he’d had to leave behind. And he remembered his mother. The way she’d doted upon him as a child, and the way she’d looked when he told her goodbye when he joined the First Texas Infantry.

As if the battle had not been ghastly enough, Devil’s Den now held fresh horror for Jesse as he recalled Lucy’s traumatic experience there. He stared at the rock where she had lain while feeling his mortal wounds. He felt a tight, squeezing sensation in his chest as he pictured her eyes filled with terror and agony, her tears, and her screams. Dear God, her screams…

Jesse forced himself to sit on the rock where Lucy had suffered. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, remembering everything she’d endured. It was as if he thought he could atone for causing her such pain by torturing himself with those horrible memories.

“I’d go through it all over again if I thought it would help you…”

He heard her voice almost as clearly as if she’d been sitting right beside him. Yes, she’d been drunk when she’d said those words, but Jesse knew in his heart that she had meant them. Just as he would endure any amount of suffering for her, he knew she would do the same for him. Suddenly, his horrific memories of Lucy were replaced with much sweeter ones. He remembered the tender way she’d gazed at him when he’d confessed that he’d never been with a woman because he’d been waiting for the right one. He knew now that she’d been falling in love with him then. He thought back to the way she’d looked at him when they danced together and he sang their song to her. He remembered when Lucy had confessed her feelings for him. I’d do anything for you, Jesse. Because I love you. You’re somebody’s darling now, Jesse. You’re my darling…

Jesse opened his eyes and smiled. “She loves me,” he whispered out loud. It still seemed impossible, but it was true. Lucy knew all of his flaws, his deepest secrets. He was dead, nothing more than a wisp of the man he had once been in life. And she loved him anyway. He longed to kiss her, hold her; he physically ached for her touch. When he looked into her loving face, he knew she yearned for him just as much.

Jesse closed his eyes. For once, he allowed himself to let go of his guilt over the past. The events of the war, the pain Lucy had endured, all the mistakes he had made. He allowed himself to be happy. She loves me, he thought again. Lucy Westbrook is in love with me.

Suddenly, an immense sense of peace washed over Jesse. It was a feeling of euphoria, an abrupt yet all-encompassing understanding that everything was right. With him, with the world, with the entire Universe. Suddenly, somehow everything made sense.

The odd yet wonderful sensation continued to grow, filling him with love and light. Jesse’s whole body felt strange. Something was different and it took a moment for him to understand what it was.

Cold, was Jesse’s first thought. Something felt very cold.

It was the rock. He could feel the cold, hardness of the rock where he sat.

Jesse gasped suddenly, and his hands flew to his throat where he’d felt air rushing into his mouth, down his windpipe, filling his lungs.

Oh, my God, I think I’m breathing.

Jesse jumped up from the rock. Instead of floating freely as he had done for the last century and a half, his feet got tangled underneath him and he fell, crashing hard onto the ground.

He cried out with surprise when he hit the dirt. He could feel the hardness of the earth underneath him. He jumped to his feet, then turned and reached out to touch the flat rock where Lucy had lain. He could feel it. He darted around, touching rock after rock after rock, amazed as he felt each one with his hands.

Jesse stopped and stood in the middle of Devil’s Den, where he had died so long ago.

“I’m alive,” he whispered into the stillness of the battlefield.

* * *

Jesse rantoward the main part of town, adrenaline surging throughout his body and propelling him forward. He couldn’t remember the last time he had run so far and so fast. He should have been exhausted by the time he reached Steinwehr Avenue, but he wasn’t. He was exhilarated. Relief washed over him when he found Fillis and Joel just where he’d hoped they be in the usual spot in front of The Regimental Quartermaster. There weren’t many tourists out on this weekday morning, and the two were alone on the street when Jesse came running up to them.

It was immediately apparent that something incredible had happened to Jesse, based on his stunned expression and the fact that he was audibly gasping for breath.

Joel stared at him. “Are you…are you fucking breathing?”His question was nearly a shout.

“Y-yes. Yes. Yes!” Jesse managed to say, his lungs burning from his lengthy sprint from Devil’s Den.

Fillis jumped up. “Jesse! What’s goin’ on?”

“Mama, Mama, Second Mama, I don’t know!” Jesse said, his eyes wide. “But…but…I’m…I can…” Jesse whirled around, looking for something to touch to show what he was trying to say. He didn’t see any objects on the ground that he could pick up. He spied a tree, then dashed over to it. He grabbed a low branch and snatched some leaves from it. He threw the leaves in the air, scattering them like confetti, giving Fillis and Joel a wide-eyed look as he did so.

Fillis stared at him. After recovering from her shock, she hurried over to him. “Jesse,” she said, holding out her hand to touch him. He reached for her, but his hand went through hers. After all, she was still dead.

Jesse and Fillis exchanged a sad smile. It would have been so wonderful to be able to touch his beloved, honorary mother.

“What’s happened to you?” Fillis whispered.

“I don’t know. I-I was sitting over at Devil’s Den just thinkin’. Just thinkin’ bout everything that’s happened and about Lucy and-and-and next thing I knew, I could touch everything. Second Mama, you ever seen anything like this happen?”

Fillis shook her head. “Never…never in all my days….”

Joel stared at him. “Me neither…and we’ve seen a lot of days….”

Jesse nodded, still looking wide-eyed and confused. “So we got no idea what’s going on…”

“Or how long it will last,” Joel said. “One thing’s for sure. You better go see her right now.”

“Yes,” Jesse said, nodding rapidly, still panting but more from the shock of being alive than from his long run from Devil’s Den. That was all he had thought of as he ran. Lucy, Lucy, I can touch Lucy.

“She working today?” Joel asked.

“Yes, thank God. I only got a vague idea of where she lives ’cause it’s outta my reach. Or, at least it was. I gotta go!”

With that, Jesse turned and started to run toward Meade’s Tavern.

“Hey, Secesh!”

Jesse whirled around.

Joel smiled and said, “Give her a hug from me.”

Jesse grinned. “You got it.”

* * *

Jesse ran allthe way to the tavern. He arrived huffing and puffing and out of breath. It was an incredibly strange feeling, to be sure. It was agony to have to stop in front of the tavern for almost a full minute to catch his breath. He didn’t want to frighten his beloved by running in all wide-eyed and crazy. He had to calm down for a moment.

Jesse paused in front of the tavern door. He stared at the doorknob. Would he be able to turn it? He reached out and grasped it, the metal cool against his hand. He let out a breath of relief and walked inside.

Jesse scanned the room and saw Lucy right away. She caught his eye, looking surprised and delighted to see him. It thrilled him to see that her reaction to seeing him was sheer joy. He gestured frantically for her to meet him out back. She nodded, suddenly looking worried.

Lucy was waiting for him around the back. He saw her visibly relax when she saw his smile.

“Lucy,” he said as he jogged up to her. “Something’s happening to me. I don’t know what it is, okay? I don’t know. But…”

Jesse held up his left palm like he usually did. Lucy held up her right one, fully expecting to feel the familiar icy sensation when she tried to touch him. Jesse grinned at her, then suddenly grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

Lucy gasped, looking more shocked than she had when her hand had gone through his shoulder and she first realized Jesse was a ghost.

“J-J-Jesse…what?” Lucy stammered, utterly stunned.

“I don’t know, darlin’. I don’t know! I just all of a sudden felt strange and…”

Lucy looked at his chest, rising and falling. “You’re breathing…” she said, her voice almost a whisper.

“I-Yes. I think I am!”

“Do you have a heartbeat?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know!”

Trembling, Lucy reached over and slipped her hand inside his shirt and pressed it to his bare chest.

Jesse and Lucy stared at each other as they both felt it. With her fingers pressed against his heart, they could both feel it beating.

“Jesse. You do. You have a heartbeat. You’re breathing and you have a heartbeat! Oh, my God, Jesse,” Lucy said. She flung her arms around him and squeezed him as hard as she could.

Jesse closed his eyes and held her. “My love, my beautiful rose…” He held her tight and stroked her back. He breathed her in deeply as he savored the sensation of finally touching her. Jesse released her from his embrace, but refused to let go of her. He held onto her shoulders as he looked down at her.

“Jesse, how is this possible?” Lucy asked as tears filled her eyes.

“I don’t know, my love. I don’t know what happened or how long it will last, but I’m here now.” Jesse gently wiped her tears. “Oh, no darlin’. You can’t cry. You can’t be crying when I kiss you for the first time.”

Lucy’s eyes lit up. It was all so overwhelming. She’d been so desperate to get her arms around him that it had not yet occurred to her that he could kiss her.

Jesse took a small step backward. Lucy looked at him, eyes shining with anticipation. He reached up and finally removed his hat. Lucy laughed softly as she admired the way he looked without it. He placed the hat over his heart and bowed respectfully to her. Then he dramatically tossed the hat aside. He cupped her face with his big hands, then dipped his head down to kiss her.

Jesse’s passion for her overtook him. He pushed her against the wall so he could kiss her harder. Lucy hit her head against the brick wall. Jesse broke off the kiss and looked into her eyes, ready to apologize. She was so small, and he really didn’t know his own strength yet. He certainly hadn’t meant to push her that hard.

Lucy looked deeply into his eyes with an expression that could only be described as hunger, then grabbed his suspenders and pulled him toward her for another kiss. She made it clear that his sudden strength was a huge turn-on for her.

Jesse’s sex drive had been muted—somewhat—while he was dead, but now it was back with a vengeance. He could practically feel the testosterone coursing through his veins and his blood pumping through his heart, his head…and everywhere else. He pressed his hardness against her rather than try to hide his erection. It felt so good to feel like a real man again, and Jesse wanted her to know how badly he wanted her.

Between kisses, Lucy managed to look him in the eye and murmur, “It would seem all your parts are working, Private Spenser…”

Jesse grinned at her and leaned in for another kiss, then nuzzled her cheek and kissed her neck. He inhaled deeply.

“Coconut,” he said with a smile. “Your hair smells like coconut.”

The back door swung open, and Craig walked out to sneak a cigarette. He shook his head as he saw Jesse and Lucy kissing passionately against the wall of the tavern. ”’Bout time you made a move on her,” he muttered as he walked a little ways down the parking lot to give them some privacy.

“Oh,” Jesse said. “I nearly forgot. This is from Joel.” With that, he wrapped his arms around her in a warm yet chaste embrace.

“Aww,” Lucy said, as she hugged him back as if he were Joel for a moment.

“Okay, more from me…” Jesse said as he dipped his head down for another kiss. He was becoming more aroused by the second. He had never wanted any woman so badly, and yet… Jesse growled with frustration.

“What?” Lucy asked.

“I swear, my love,” Jesse said between kisses. “I could do this all day.” He kissed her again, then ran his fingers through her long hair. “But…God, I hate to ask!”

“What, Jesse? What do you need?” she asked, eager to help.

“Could you get me some food?” he asked, looking like an earnest little boy.

“Of course!” Lucy said, grateful there was finally something she could do to help him. “I know just the place.” She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him inside.

Lucy seated him at a table in the second dining room of the restaurant, the one not in use at the moment because it was early in the day and not crowded.

Jesse sat down at the table, marveling at the solid feel of the wood under his bottom. He rested his hand on the table, amazed at how real everything felt.

“What do you want? A burger? A sandwich? A steak?” Jesse’s eyes lit up at the last one. ”Of course my Texas boy would want a steak,”Lucy said warmly. ”Steak it is. Do you want a beer to drink? A soda?”

“No. Water. Please. I haven’t had clean water in so long,” Jesse said. His throat felt as parched as it had the day he died. It had been scorching hot out on the battlefields, and he’d had precious little to drink that day.

Lucy nodded. She squeezed his hand before she ran off to the kitchen to place his order. Jesse saw the worry in her eyes as she turned to leave. She was probably afraid he might disappear or go back to being a spirit while she was gone. He had the same fears. So much was unknown right now.

Jesse took in several deep breaths as he looked around the quiet restaurant. He adjusted his pants a little to ease the discomfort down there. His penis was still rock hard from making out with the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. He desperately wanted to be with her, to take her to bed, but he didn’t want to pressure her. These were extraordinary circumstances, but he was still a gentleman and she’d been hurt in the past. He would not make any demands of her, but would follow her lead instead.

Lucy rushed in with a glass and a pitcher of water. She sat down at the table across from him and quickly poured the water. He grabbed the glass and downed the ice water in just a few gulps. She refilled his glass, and he drained that too. His thirst finally sated, he let out a deep breath of relief.

They talked quietly for a few moments while they waited for his food. Lucy had to get up a few times to check on her tables in the other room, but thankfully it was a slow time of day. Each time she sat back down, she tangled her leg with his under the table. She couldn’t bear not to touch him.

Jesse suddenly untangled his foot from hers and got up from the table, then reached out his hand to her. Sitting with her was not enough. He needed to hold her. He pulled her to her feet and held her close to him. He ran his fingers through her hair, kissed her neck, her lips, wanting to touch all of her at once.

“Dear God, it’s so incredible to finally be able to hold you,” Jesse murmured in her ear.

“Jesse,” Lucy moaned softly.

Jesse pulled back a bit so he could look her in the eye. “Darlin’, it hurt so bad that I couldn’t hold you like this at Devil’s Den. I couldn’t help you, I couldn’t touch you…”

“I know, honey. It’s okay. I’m all right, now. It’s never too late to kiss it better, though,” Lucy said seductively.

Jesse grinned at her, then bent down to kiss her mouth. He slid her blouse off her shoulder, revealing her bra strap. He kissed the spot on her shoulder where the first phantom bullet had struck her. Then he stood up and gently kissed her left temple where the second battle wound hit. Next, he stared deeply, sensually into her eyes, then he reached down and untucked her blouse from her skirt. He crouched down and kissed her stomach where the final blow had wounded her.

Lucy moaned softly as he kissed her all over. Jesse stood up and looked her in the eyes. He kept his hand underneath her blouse and slowly slid his hand up her shirt. She looked into his eyes, breathlessly waiting for him to touch her breasts.

“Hey, now, kids. Keep it PG in here!” Craig joked as he burst into the dining room with the tray of food for Jesse.

Lucy blushed deeply as she tucked her blouse back into her skirt. Jesse chuckled. Though he hated for Lucy to be embarrassed, he couldn’t help but be proud to be caught feeling up his girlfriend. It made him feel like a real man again.

Craig set down a huge platter of steak, French fries, and cole slaw in front of Jesse. “There you go, buddy. Enjoy!”

“Thanks,” Jesse said with a smile.

Craig winked at Lucy, making her blush harder, then went back into the other dining room.

Though it was around lunchtime, Lucy was too excited to eat anything. She was just happy to watch Jesse enjoy his food. He ate the first bite of steak, then closed his eyes and moaned. The sound was deep and sexual, like noises he might make in bed while making love to Lucy.

“This is amazing, Lucy,” Jesse said.

Lucy nodded. The food was great at the tavern anyway, but it was especially delicious to someone who was near-starving like Jesse was.

Jesse devoured his food, then looked up at Lucy. “Oh, no. This must be so expensive. They’re gonna take it out of your check, aren’t they? I can…” He thought for a moment. He hated to make a lady pay for his dinner, but what could he do? “I don’t know…I could—”

Lucy laughed and grasped his hand. “Jesse. I love you. Let me take care of you!”

Jesse saw how happy Lucy was to be able to help him. He realized that she’d been feeling as helpless as he had, not being able to do anything for him. It clearly made her feel good to feed him.

When he’d finished his meal, he stood up and so did she. He grabbed her and kissed her, feeling himself get hard all over again. He pressed himself between her legs, and she let out a soft cry of pleasure.

“Jesse,” Lucy said in a soft, sensual voice. “We need to be…together. As soon as possible. We don’t know how long this will last or if you’re here to stay or—”

“Are you sure? Are you sure you’re ready to…” Jesse said, searching her eyes. Lucy always joked about how much she wished she could have sex with him, but now that it was physically possible he wanted to make sure she was ready.

“Yes. Of course!” Lucy said. “I want to be with you more than anything in the world.”

“I feel the same way,” Jesse said, running his fingers through her hair. “It’s funny—I always thought if I could come back to life, the first thing I’d want to do is punch Joel.” Lucy laughed, then locked eyes with Jesse as he gave her a look of pure lust. “Now all I want to do is make love to you. I wish I could take you right here and now.”

“Oh, Jesse,” she moaned in the way Jesse always fantasized she would. He thought of his favorite sex-on-the-bar fantasy, but he knew that wasn’t possible now. And it wasn’t right, especially for the first time with a classy girl like Lucy.

“I get off work at seven p.m. I can try to get done early.”

Sudden panic gripped Jesse as he realized how soon this was going to happen. He was going to have sex for the first time, with the woman of his dreams, tonight. He’d been so worried about her being ready that he didn’t realize that he wasn’t. He had no idea what he was doing.

“Okay, okay,” Jesse said, trying to hide his fear. “I’ll meet you here a little before seven. That’ll give me some time to go see Joel and…” He realized what he’d almost said out loud. “You know, to…to… So he and Fillis will know where I’ll be.”

“That’s a good idea.” She stood on her toes to kiss him. “Until then, darling.”

Jesse nodded, then left the restaurant. Lucy’s face broke into a smile. She chuckled softly and put her hand over her heart. She knew exactly why he was rushing to see Joel. He needed advice on how to make love to a woman.