Chapter 32
Maple
The twins’ last ever video. Dad’s words bounce off the walls. Was Dylan right last night? Is Dad so mad about the kissing video that he’s finally standing up to Mom? ‘What do you mean their last ever video?’ I ask.
‘The twins are stopping the paid brand work going forward,’ Dad explains in a voice I don’t recognize, all authoritative and clear. ‘And they’re taking a break from YouTube in general.’
My eyes widen. ‘No YouTube?’
‘No more social media until they’re thirteen. I’ve made my decision.’
I look at Mom. I promised myself I wouldn’t – that I would never engage with her again after her latest betrayal – but I wasn’t prepared for this news.
‘We’re still discussing it,’ she says, her voice somehow both breezy and furious. ‘Personally, I think they deserve the same opportunities as you’ve had. But Dad seems happy to decimate those.’
Opportunities? Like being lied about, made to look sleazy, for a few extra clicks?
‘It’s not up for discussion,’ Dad says decisively.
But then he turns to look at me, and his voice softens.
‘Look, I get that there are positives to being an influencer, and you and Dylan are great examples of that. But it’s different for the twins.
Ash is camera-shy, and Aspen …’ His brow furrows.
‘Well, she’s impulsive. She might do something one minute and regret it the next. She needs her privacy too.’
‘And what about me?’ I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. ‘Do the same rules apply to me?’
He smiles. ‘No of course not. I see how much you love it. And how much your subscribers love you. And I know how hard you’ve worked for this, how you’ve set yourself up for an amazing future as an influencer. I would never take that away from you.’
I nod. I don’t know why. Inside I’m screaming to tell him that no, I don’t want this anymore. That I hate how Mom lies about me, and how those gross men make me feel, and how embarrassing being filmed in a bikini is. And that if he took an ounce of interest in my content, he might hate it too.
But then, how would I feel if he banned me from social media?
Because there are things I love about this lifestyle too.
Like riding the Strip in that pink Cadillac in Vegas, and posing in a glass box, getting all those compliments from Lois and the Azione client.
And the buzz I get out of how many followers I have, all the likes and comments, how my subscribers want to wear what I wear, use the products I promote.
Could I live without it? Or is a regular, normal life already too late for me?
‘You know, I might go get some fresh air,’ Dylan says. ‘If that’s okay with you all?’
‘Of course it is,’ Mom says, her sunshine smile back in place. ‘Why don’t you go with him, Maple honey? Leave me and Dad to talk some more.’
I glance at Dylan. I understand why Mom wants me out of the way, and that definitely works for me too. But Dylan probably wants time out from all of us, and I owe him that at least. But he gives me a tiny nod, and I take that as permission.
‘Yeah, okay.’ I gesture for Dylan to head to the front door and follow him out onto the sidewalk. ‘Do you want to go to the park?’ I ask.
‘Will it be busy?’
I shrug. ‘I guess. A lot of kids hang out there on school break.’
He doesn’t respond, but in the silence, I realize why he’s asking. And that makes my lungs feel like they’re shrinking. I focus on breathing, trying to inflate them.
‘D’you mind if we go someplace else?’ he finally asks.
‘Um, sure,’ I murmur, my mind scrabbling for ideas. One comes to me, but I can hardly believe I’m suggesting it; I’m supposed to be a young adult. ‘There’s a tree on the corner,’ I tell him. ‘It’s fat and flat, so I guess there’s room for two.’
His forehead smooths out. ‘Sounds perfect.’
We walk toward it without talking, but the noise in my head is deafening. We are famous now. We may be able to hide from it online – turn our phones off, our laptops, pretend it’s not happening. But offline it’s different.
We can’t control what happens out there.