Chapter 8
Eight
Chase
November
When I wake up a week later and grab my phone, I'm surprised to see that the calendar has flipped over to November.
Out here time is a construct. You learn to measure the days by the passing of seasons, but the snow storm we had was an early one.
The temperature hasn't really rebounded, and I heard from one of my contacts at the local field office that they officially won't be fixing the bridge until the spring thaw.
Today though, it's supposed to be a little warmer than it has been. I'm meeting a friend who brings out groceries for me once a month, and as much as I don't want to, I'm going to ask Paisley if she wants to go back to town.
This might very well be her last chance before winter and snow settle in, but I think it's important to give it to her.
Already there are things about her that have changed from the day I stopped her from putting that gun to her head.
The dark circles under her eyes are gone, she seems to sleep well at night, and I catch her smiling a lot now.
Her and Biscuit have become great friends, and if I'm honest with myself, she's making a difference in me too.
When you're out here by yourself, you don't realize just how lonely you are.
Getting up, I do my stretches, and a round of push ups, along with sit ups.
Once it gets cold, it's hard to get in a workout.
Smelling the aroma of brewing coffee is different too.
Having someone else make coffee, or start breakfast, it's nice.
I'm trying hard not to get used to it, because she might choose to leave.
When I'm done with my workout, I step into the shower, and wash off quickly, before dressing comfortably and going to the living room.
"Morning," I greet her, as I turn the corner, seeing her standing in the kitchen.
It's scary how well she fits in. Once she learned where everything was, and what I like to eat, she stepped in like she's lived here for years with me.
"Morning," she grins, and today I notice a little dimple in her cheek. "I woke up hungry after helping you shovel the walkway to the barn last night."
Her eyes are shining and there's color back in her face. She'd been missing all of that when I brought her here that first day. "Yeah, physical labor will do that to you. I'm hungry too." I realize just how much when my stomach growls loudly.
"It's almost done, I just didn't know how many eggs you'd want."
One thing I've learned? She's attentive, and notices everything. "Two's enough, I gotta be out of here in an hour for a supply meetup."
I almost expect her to ask me what that means, but she keeps her eyes on the cast iron skillet, breaking my eggs, and frying them up. Going over to the coffee pot, I pour a cup, and then take a long drink.
"It's criminal how you take that," she laughs. "Don't you want a little sugar?"
"Nope, I like it just the way it is." It's on the tip of my tongue to say I like her the same way, but I don't want to influence her decision when I tell her what I'm doing. "I gotta talk to you."
She turns, her eyes immediately traveling to mine. "You sound serious."
"I am, and I want you to be completely honest with me."
The tension in the room is thick as she steps back slightly. We're no longer in each others personal space, and while I'd like to be closer to her than I am right now, I respect her decision. "Okay, I'm listening."
My eyes search her light ones, looking for the familiarity I've found in them before, but it's not there.
She's scared, and I hope she doesn't think I'm going to tell her she needs to leave.
I'll never know until I talk to her though, so I need to get over the churning in my gut and just say it.
"I'm going to get supplies, it's something I do every six to eight weeks.
There will be an option for you to get out of here , if it's what you want.
I won't be able to get your car out of the pasture, but you can go back to civilization.
It's totally your decision, and completely up to you. "
Her chin drops to her chest, and she seems to be carefully weighing the words I've said. "What do you want?" She asks, still looking at the ground.
A growl rips its way from my chest, reaching forward, I tip her chin up so that our eyes meet. "This isn't about what I want, Paisley. This is about you and what the future looks like for you. If you want to stay here, then please do."
"Do you want me to?" She asks again, her lower lip quivering.
"I don't want to make the decision for you." She closes her eyes, and a tear trickles down her cheek. There must be a lot more going on here than her having trouble with answering the question. "Explain it to me. What are you having a hard time with?"
She turns from me, and I hate it. The fact I can't see her green gaze any longer.
Until this moment I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed seeing all those emotions play across her face.
"The situation I was in, before I drove into that pasture, was one where I stayed.
And I stayed because there was no communication.
I wasn't aware he wanted me to go, that he didn't want me around any longer.
It turned a love into hate, and resentment. "
The tightness in my chest is loosening, and the churning is slowing down.
I reach out for her, wrapping my arms around her waist. We've gotten more comfortable with one another, and we spend more time than we probably should on the couch together, watching TV.
I've found myself reaching out to touch her, even when I shouldn't, but I've pulled that touch back.
Now, I'm letting it out there. She relaxes against my chest, and I bend so that my mouth is next to her ear.
"Okay, you want communication? I enjoy having you here.
I didn't realize how lonely I was out here by myself.
When I wake up and you're around, it makes my day better.
But I want you to know something. If that was only for a short amount of time, it's okay.
If you want it to be longer, then I want that, too.
More than anything though, you have to tell me what you want. Communication is a two-way street."
Her body fits snugly against mine in ways I've tried not to think about the longer we've been out here together, but for just a moment, I allow myself to melt into her.
Tucking her into me and protecting her from the world outside of the bubble we've been in.
"I want to stay,'" she whispers. "Life looks very different back in town, and I'm not ready for it. "
I close my eyes, thankful that she's not going anywhere. "Then there are a few things we're going to have to figure out. Questions I'm going to have to ask."
"Ask away."
Gone is the man who cares about the woman in his arms, and in it's place is the first responder who has to make sure all his bases are covered.
"Are there any medications you're going to need for the time we're out here?
Do you take a daily medicine? What about your bills?
Do you have a job? Is there anything I can do to help you with that? "
She turns around, eyes wide. "That wasn't what I was thinking you were going to ask me."
"It's all important things you have to account for when you can't leave." I shrug. All things I wish someone had talked to me about before I started living out here full time.
"I take an anti-depressant. Other than that, I'm pretty healthy."
"Okay, write that down, and I'll make sure that the person coming to give me our supplies gets you enough for six months. There are doctors who work with the service to make sure we're taken care of when we're on assignment."
She steps forward, out of my arms and turns around.
"As far as bills. The only thing I really have is my apartment.
I quit my job the day I drove out to the pasture, and I didn't think twice about where I was going to live, or my cell phone.
Probably should've, huh? I bet I'm about to be evicted, and my cell phone shut off.
" Her hand flies to her mouth to cover it.
"Do you think they'll be willing to work with me?
Especially since I thought I'd be dead by now? "
"Let me take care of it," I tell her, my mind already working through what all of this means.
Since my wife, I haven't wanted to be responsible for any other person, and that includes myself.
For longer than I should have, I've lived as if life had an expiration date, and that date was coming up fast. Now, now that she's here and wants to stay, I'm going to make that as easy for her as possible.
"Write down your carrier and your number. "
"I shouldn't let you." She shakes her head. "These are all my problems."
"Which you were in because you needed help, and it looks like the person who should've been your shoulder to cry on and the person to help you, didn't. Let me do this for you."
"Why?" She questions, stepping closer. "Because you couldn't do it for her?"
The words stab my chest like a knife, but it's fair to want to know. "Because I can do it for you."
Disbelief and suspicion are written across her face. I get it, we haven't known each other for very long, but I want her to trust me. Need for her to trust me. "Okay, but please don't make me regret this."
With my thumb, I tilt her chin so that I can look into her eyes. "I'll do my best every single day to give you the life you've been looking for. We'll give this until the end of the winter? Then you make another decision?"
"Yeah," she affirms, closing her eyes.
I lean forward and tentatively kiss her on the cheek. It's simple and fast, but it sends my heart racing. It's the most I've touched a woman in six years. "Any particular food you might want while you're out here?"
She grins. "I'll add it to the list I'll give you with my phone number, and prescription."
"Good," I grin back at her. "I'll get the info over to my contact who meets me. You wanna come?"
"Will we have to ride horseback?" She wrinkles her nose. "I like Blackjack, but I'm not used to riding, and I'd be sore."
"No, I take a side-by-side with a trailer attached."
Her eyes are bright again, instead of the way she closed off when I started asking questions. "Then I'd love to."
She turns back to the stove to finish the eggs, and I walk over to where I've had my phone charging. Pulling up my texts, I let my contact know there's been a few changes.
Me: Hey Eli, I'm gonna need a few more things. I have company at the cabin.
Eli: Company? Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?
Me: Not right now, just know I'll have company with me today to pick all this shit up. It's a women with me, check with your wife to see what she might need monthly. And while you're at it, think you can grab enough condoms for a few months?
She never said she was on birth control, and judging by the way we've been touching each other this morning, at some point we're going to need them.
Eli: LMAO! You have so much to tell me next time we have lunch.
Little does he know my mouth is shut. I never kiss and tell.