Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
“I’ve got the world’s worst hangover,” Gia groans, cradling her head in her hands. “Why did I do this to myself? And how long does Advil take to work?”
It takes every ounce of restraint not to singsong I told you so like a smug preschooler, so I bite my lip instead.
It’s the afternoon after the wedding, and we’re at Gia’s house.
Mark is calmly tidying the remnants of the wedding tornado, dancing along to an upbeat playlist, while Gia lies sprawled on the living room floor because, as she puts it, being on the ground makes her feel less like vomiting her insides out.
“Look on the bright side,” I say with a shrug. “Now you’re at the part when you get to have the stress-free honeymoon with all of the hot sex. Hubba, hubba.”
Gia shoots me a look. “Whoa. Hubba, hubba? Who says that?”
“Uhhh . . . you?” I roll my eyes at her. “Were you seriously blackout drunk? I’m quoting you verbatim.”
“Oh.” Gia nibbles on her bottom lip. “I guess I get kind of pervy when I drink too much.”
“And give dramatic speeches that drop serious revelations,” I say, sitting on the carpet beside her.
I’m trying to keep my mind off the events that came after the speeches—the wedding-crashing proposal, Jayden seeing me in Zach’s arms, Zach being mad I lied to him about Jayden, that kind of thing.
There’s a pit growing in my stomach, heavy with the realization that Zach and I may never have a chance, despite our intense chemistry.
Gia writhes around on the floor, clutching her head, before recovering slightly and turning to face me. “When will I feel better? Lexi, you drink a lot, you should know this.”
“I haven’t drunk that much before. Very few people on the planet have. You were polishing off bottles of champagne like they were Aquafina.”
Gia exhales dramatically, her hand flopping over her forehead.
“You’re right, the speech was awful. I probably made ninety-nine percent of the guests uncomfortable, and the other one percent were probably as drunk as I was.
And that nonnegotiable list? Total mistake.
It turned me into Bridezilla 2.0. I spent months making sure every detail would be perfect, and I still managed to make a total mess of everything. ”
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” I say, even though she’s pretty close to spot-on. I want her to feel better and grow, not wallow in regret. I leave the room and come back holding her list and a pen. “Honestly, I think you did a pretty good job checking most of these off.”
Gia moans, clutching her temples. “Don’t lie to me, Lexi. The truth will hurt like hell, but I need to face facts.”
“Okay, let’s start at item six: having the wedding run smoothly and on time. Well, it all ran on time, right? The cake cutting, the meal, the dancing, it all happened. Let’s just maybe get rid of the word ‘smoothly,’ so we can be completely honest.”
Gia presses her lips together and nods slowly. “I guess I can compromise on that one.”
I cross out “smoothly” and slide the list over to Gia, pointing at the box. She takes the pen and makes a big check mark.
“Great. Moving on. All the wedding details organized to a T . . .? Honestly, you poured your whole life into this day, and every detail was spot-on. No cross-offs needed. Give me a check mark, sister.”
Gia smiles and adds a check mark to the box.
“Okay, next. Number four: for family and friends to have the time of their lives. Well, they’re definitely not going to forget this wedding, I’ll tell you that much.
That was . . . well, that was something.
” I cross out a few words and add a few others, so the list now reads: “for family and friends to have a memorable time.”
Gia glances at my edit, ponders it for a second, then checks the box.
“This is going well,” I say brightly. “Look at us go. We’re at number three now: to have Lexi by my side. What do you think about that one?”
“Thank you,” she says. “You were there for me every minute. I couldn’t have asked for more. I appreciate it so much.” She adds a large check mark to the box with a dramatic flourish.
“Okay, two left now. Number two: to have Mom and Dad walk me down the aisle. Well, they didn’t so much walk you down the aisle as they guided you like a wild animal they were trying to domesticate, but hey, we can stick with ‘walk.’ Check mark, please.”
Gia does as I ask.
“Now we’re at number one,” I say. “‘For Mark and me to have as close to a perfect day as possible.’ How are we feeling about that one?”
Gia sighs loudly. “I wouldn’t say it was anywhere close to perfect. I started the chaos, and it just kept rolling from there.”
“Mark?” I call.
Mark enters the room carrying a recycling bin nearly overflowing with boxes and bridal magazines. He spots Gia wriggling around on the floor and looks at her like she’s the most endearing creature he’s laid eyes on. “Yes?”
“What word would you use to describe the wedding?”
“It was a great evening. I loved it,” he says, eyes wide and sincere. “Gia’s a lively person who doesn’t like to carry negative feelings. She faces them head-on, and it wouldn’t have been true to her character if it went any other way.”
I give Gia a conspiratorial look. Of course Mark would answer that way.
“Would you say, perhaps, it was as perfect as it could have been?”
Mark tilts his head for a moment, as if weighing his words carefully. “Yes,” he finally says. “Yes, it was.” He sets the recycling bin down, crouches on all fours, and lumbers toward Gia like a dog until his face is just inches from hers. Then he plants a sweet kiss on her lips.
“Don’t I taste like barf?” Gia asks.
“More like honey,” Mark replies. “Love you.” He wraps her in his arms and cuddles her for a few minutes before standing and taking the bin out of the room.
“See?” I say. “Mark thinks it was as perfect as it could be. No bad feelings. What do we think? Check mark?”
Gia nods. “Let me see that thing.”
I hand it back to her, and she adds the final checkmark.
“I’m going to put this back on the fridge,” I say. “Your badge of honor. You completed your wedding missions. Should we make a honeymoon checklist next?”
Gia’s eyes widen and she gives me a cheeky grin. “With what kind of stuff on it? Sex moves?”
“Sex moves could be some of the items. Have you guys ever tried the pretzel before?”
“The pretzel?” Gia repeats, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Are you watching porn now that you’re single?”
“Nope. Mom taught me about it.”
“Oh my god, eww!” Gia groans, but we both break out laughing and it doesn’t subside for several minutes. After a long moment of silence, I take a deep breath and ask the question that’s been on the tip of my tongue the entire time.
“So, what do you think about the fact that we have another sister now?” I make the mind-blown sign with my hands. I mean, how many people discover they have a secret sibling when they’re in their thirties?
“I’m never going to be as close to Claire as I am to you,” Gia says firmly. “Never.”
“Well, we’re just meeting her now. Despite the blood relation, she’s a stranger to us. We know nothing about her. Maybe we’ll have a relationship, but that’s going to take a lot of time.”
“Yeah,” Gia agrees. “I just hope we don’t feel too much pressure to go from zero to a hundred with her.”
“We just have to communicate our feelings and set boundaries.” Saying this reminds me of my own list. A list that includes a heart-to-heart with Gia. I pull it up on my phone and type an addition, number eight. “Hey, I want to show you something. I was inspired by your list and made one of my own.”
Lexi’s Nonnegotiable Checklist
Stay broken up with Jayden because that finally felt like the right choice to make.
Do NOT get into another relationship until you’re really sure that you’re strong in yourself and that it’s what you really want.
Rediscover all your favorites and redecorate, if necessary.
Instead of talking about quitting your job and finding something else, actually do it. Find a way to make that happen.
Live your life without depending on anyone else. (Practice self-pleasure!)
Set new boundaries with Gia after the wedding.
Write. And keep writing.
Recognize and respect that Mom and Dad are both adults capable of making their own choices to find happiness.
Gia stares at the list longer than I expect before finally speaking.
“I agree with number six,” she says quietly.
“The pressure of the wedding made me more high-maintenance than usual, and that’s saying something.
I asked you for too much.” She pauses, studying me for a few quiet moments.
“Was Jayden right? Did me taking up all your time cause you guys to break up?”
“No,” I say without hesitation. “Mom and Dad splitting up was the real catalyst that set everything in motion. It made me question if I was truly happy in my own life, and I realized I wasn’t.
It wasn’t about you. But honestly, I do need to focus on myself for a while.
I’m still here for you, but I need some time for myself too. ”
Gia nods. “I totally get that. Even though I’m hungover and all I feel now is nausea and a pounding headache, I realize that I have to fill up all the free time I’m about to have.”
“Maybe you could start by discovering the entirety of the Kama Sutra,” I suggest.
Gia rolls her eyes at me but she’s smiling. “What about the other things on your list? How do you think you’re going to do with those?”
I think about it for a moment before responding.
“Well, number one, I know I’m not getting back together with Jayden.
And number three, I want to redecorate. It’s been years, and I’m ready for a change.
Like I told you, I quit my job. Now that your wedding’s behind us, I’m going to start applying for jobs next week.
Jobs that won’t feel like work. I’m going to write.
I’m going to make a point of doing it every day because it makes me feel alive.
And I’m very much finished with trying to interfere with anything going on with Mom and Dad.
It was selfish to try to get Mom to sacrifice her happiness.
I didn’t understand what was really going on, but I should have trusted her. ”
Gia examines my list again and raises her eyebrows pointedly. “I do notice that you’ve left out a few. What’s the story with that?” She pretends to cough, then jokingly sputters out the name, “Zach.”
“Yeah, yeah, I figured you’d notice.” I shake my head and give her a hint of a smile. “I want to be with Zach, but I wasn’t honest with him. And even if he forgives me today, I don’t know if I’m ready to be in another relationship so quickly.”
“Yeah,” Gia says. “It’s also too bad he’s Mom’s boyfriend’s son. That’s a little incestuous.”
I make a face. “I don’t know about that, but it does kind of make it more complicated, yes.”
“So, number five, self-pleasure,” Gia says, a small smile playing on her lips. “I’m glad you’re embracing that. Everyone should be familiar with flicking their own bean—that’s always been my motto.”
“It’s a solid motto,” I say wryly.
“This is a good list,” Gia says. “And I think you should stick to it as much as you can.” She inhales deeply.
“Okay, the Advil’s finally kicking in, thank God.
I was starting to think I’d be carpet-bound forever.
” She sits up and leans back against the sofa.
“Let’s ask Maren over for lunch. Something extra greasy.
Hangover food. Think Mark would be up for that? ”
“Mark would be up for anything you suggest. He’s all about you.”
“Yeah, he’s a keeper,” Gia says with a faraway smile. “Watch out, Marky boy, wait until you see the lingerie I packed tomorrow night. Cabo, here we come.”