Chapter 28
brYCE
I ’m sitting on my mom’s patio, sipping a beer while my dad grills kabobs. They insisted on feeding me after I told them I’d lost my job.
My mom walks past, her hand running through my hair. “We’ll fill our bellies. Everything looks better after you eat.”
I smile because she’s so optimistic. Even during her treatments, while tears welled in my eyes as the doctor told us what we were dealing with, she would squeeze my hand and say, “It’s all good. We’re good.” I felt so weak compared to her.
She set a plate next to my dad at the grill and he wraps his arm around her, kissing the top of her head. She turns around to head back into the kitchen and I see guilt on her face. Because she doesn’t want to make this harder on me.
“I’m not gonna stop touching my fiancée just because you’re here,” my dad says, turning the kabobs over, never looking at me.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I’m just sayin’. You need to stop trying to make your mother feel guilty, too.”
“Jeez, Dad. I’m so happy I’m home. ”
He shuts the grill and turns to look at me, tongs in his hand. “I’m glad you’re home. There’re a lot of things we need to clear up, and I’m sorry about you losing your job. I could’ve told you at that dinner you were about to fall for that boy.”
“Someone’s been on the internet.” I sip my beer and strip my eyes away from him.
“It’s hard to miss.” He raises his eyebrows. “You’ve always done things big, never mediocre.”
“You’re just full of compliments tonight.” I press my hands on the sides of the lounge chair to get up.
“Sit back down.” He points at me with the tongs.
My dad rarely ever disciplined me. He never wanted me not to want to go with him, so he might have sternly said something, but this tone isn’t one that was ever directed to me. Regardless, I sit.
“It wasn’t an insult. You’re where you are because you believe in yourself and don’t let anyone tell you who you can be. That’s an admirable trait. But when things don’t go how you want, you like to bury your head in the sand.”
I turn away and look at the backyard. Thankfully, they live in southern Idaho, so it’s still warmer here even if there’s a bit of chill in the air. It’s a nice change from the already cold weather in Chicago.
“Your mom accepting me back into her life never had anything to do with you. Sure, she was gentle with you, and didn't want to hurt you, but she doesn’t need your permission to marry me.”
“I know,” I say sullenly.
“But you’re acting like a toddler, putting her fingers in her ears and refusing to acknowledge or accept that it’s going to happen regardless of whether you’re onboard or not.
Your mom wanted to delay the wedding, give you longer to accept it, but I told her hell no.
I’ve waited long enough. Now imagine if I did to you what you’re doing to me. ”
I rear my head back. He lifts the hood of the grill, and I’m happy to have his eyes off me for a second. “What does that mean?”
“If I told you I wasn’t going to talk to you if you dated Miles. That I sure as hell wouldn’t attend your wedding and told you the mistake you were making by marrying him.”
“I never said those things.” I move to stand.
“Your silence did. Your unwillingness to answer the phone did. Your inability to even discuss the wedding did.”
“I’m sorry, okay? Jeez, I’m here now.”
He turns around, crossing his arms.
“You want to know why I came here, Dad? To make peace with the fact that you were a womanizing asshole who left me in hotel rooms so he could search for some fresh pussy.”
“Bryce!” My mom comes out of the kitchen, and my face heats.
My dad’s gaze falls to the ground. “I made mistakes… a lot, I know that and I’m sorry for how they affected you.
It’s what you do when you realize you made the mistake that matters.
I can’t change the past, hell, I probably can’t even make up for it.
All I can do is move forward and be a better man.
” He puts the kabobs on the plate and turns off the grill.
“Excuse me.” He slides by my mom and me, going into the house.
My mom blows out a breath and picks up the plate, following him into the house and leaving me outside alone. I finish my beer, throw it in the recyclable trash can they leave outside, and go in to face the music.
“Mom,” I say, entering the kitchen.
Her back is to me, and she raises her hand for me to stop. She turns around, and I’m not prepared to see her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks.
Guilt and pain well up inside me. “I?—”
“No, Bryce. Sit down.”
I sit at the kitchen table that’s been set for dinner .
“I have chosen your dad,” she says. “I know that is hard for you to hear, and neither one of us are proud of the things that transpired during the divorce. Parents have regrets because guess what? We’ve never done this before.
Which you’ll figure out for yourself as you continue to move through life, and hopefully have a husband and a family one day.
It’s all new, and mistakes will be made.
He feels tremendous guilt for the person he was then.
He thinks that he’s responsible for your lack of trust in men, in love and relationships. ”
“Well… I mean…”
“Bryce…”
“I don’t know what to do, Mom.” My arms flail out to my sides.
“I don’t want to be like this. I don’t. Do you think I don’t want to open my arms to Miles and trust him completely?
Of course I do. I hurt him so badly when I accused him of messing around on me.
He’s never going to forgive me.” Tears burst from my eyes and my head falls into my hands.
“This is the real reason you came home. Not the job. The boy.” She runs her hand over my back and hugs me into her side. “Oh, sweetie. Just let your wall down a little bit. He’ll burst through it, or jump over it, or whatever it will take to have you.”
“You’ve never met him. If you’d seen his face…” I hiccup through the tears.
“Your dad told me how he looks at you. He came home and said he thought we’d have a son-in-law joining the family soon.”
I shake my head. “Talk about zero to sixty.”
“Sometimes it’s okay to go fast. Not everyone needs almost thirty years and a serious illness to make you realize your biggest regret.”
I peek up, and she nods.
“I forgave your father, and I don’t expect you to, but you will respect the relationship I have with him.” She stares at me with those mom eyes. The ones where she’s waiting for me to answer.
I nod.
“Good. Now I’m going to finish getting all this food out before it gets cold and you’re going to go talk to your father. He’s out the front on the swing.”
“Mom…” I’m not even sure what I want to say.
She pats my knee. “The boy isn’t gone. I promise you.
But you need to deal with your dad before you go back to Miles.
Your gut told you to come home because you know that’s what you need to do.
” She puts her fingers over my heart. “It’s the most powerful organ in your body.
Listen to it.” She stands and goes back over to the counter.
I wipe the tears from my face and let loose a shaky exhale.
After walking across my parents’ expansive ranch bungalow, I open the front door and step outside. My dad is on the swing on the front porch, looking out at the neighborhood. I sluggishly walk over, and he slows the swing for me to get on, then rocks it back and forth again.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“No, you’re not. And I’m okay with that.
” He glances at me. “If I could take it back, sweetie, I would’ve never divorced your mom.
I would’ve been a better husband, a better father.
But I was young and stupid and didn’t want to take responsibility for my life.
” He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to grow up.
That’s it. Plain and simple. But when I heard your mom got sick, my heart just fell to pieces.
” He cries, and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve never seen my dad so emotional. He struggles to catch his breath.
“All the years I lost with her. It was like someone just cast a spell and I couldn’t get here fast enough to help her through it.
And your mom didn’t take me back easily.
” He laughs. “You should know that. She made me work for it.”
“I figured she would.”
He laughs again and wipes his tears. “When she told me she was giving me a second chance, I just… it was such a gift. I promise you, I’ll never hurt her again. Ever.”
I nod, my own tears spilling free. I haven’t cried this much in years.
“But you… I wish I wasn’t the one who made you so cynical of men. I was the first man in your life, and I failed you. I didn’t set the example you needed growing up or show you how you should be treated. I could never be sorrier for anything in my life than that.”
I lean my head on my dad’s shoulder and we swing for a few minutes in silence. I’m not sure what to say. His admitting his mistakes doesn’t make all the painful memories go away, but it does help, and I can see that this is the first step in healing.
Then I think of Miles. “I think I love him,” I say, more tears cascading down my cheeks.
He places his hand over mine and squeezes. “So, go to him. Allow him to prove you wrong. Allow him to show you how a man should treat his woman.”
We sit for a few more quiet seconds.
“Dad?”
“Yeah.”
“I love you.”
“Oh, sweetie, I love you so much.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. “Thank you for coming home.”
“Thank you for coming home. She’s happy. Really happy.”
“I hope so. Every day until I die is devoted to her.”
He squeezes me tighter, and I hear the front door open.
“Okay, you bunch of crybabies. Dinner’s ready.” My mom comes over and my dad slows the swing so she can get on.
And we swing together, as a family, for the first time ever.
That wound that was so raw finally feels as though it’s scabbing over.