Chapter Five
Alex closed the front door and hung her keys on the rack on the wall. She had cut out of work early today—Friday was usually a lax day anyway—because she really needed to talk to Emily.
She’d been trying all week to find the right time to talk to her about Nick, but the timing never seemed right. Which she knew was an excuse, but she didn’t want to hurt Em, and this was pretty much guaranteed to do just that.
But she needed to get her crap together. One, because it was never going to be an easy conversation, and the longer she waited, the harder it was going to get. And two, because she really, really, really liked Nick. Working with him this week had been both rewarding and torture.
He was a great client. Focused and dedicated.
And he was so bloody hot, he practically made her teeth sweat.
It was all she could do not to stare—and possibly drool—while he went through the reps of the various combinations she’d created for him.
The way he moved with grace and power, the way his muscles bulged and rippled, it was enough to make her swoon.
It was also completely unprofessional.
Everything was so bloody confusing she was lucky her brain hadn’t turned to mush.
A song she didn’t recognize blared from upstairs.
It was so loud the bass line rattled the windows.
Em was lucky their neighbor was currently out of town.
The bonus of their townhouse being on the end of the grouping meant there was only one possible neighbor to suffer through the angsty teenage phase.
Man, was she going to be happy when the angsty teenage phase was over.
Although, if she was honest, Em was actually a pretty good kid. She knew there were teens out there who were way worse—doing terrible and dangerous things, making terrible choices, being forced to live with the serious consequences.
And this line of thinking was getting way too close for comfort for her liking. Sometimes she forgot she’d only been a couple of years older than Em when she’d gotten pregnant. She hadn’t even graduated from high school when Em was born.
She hung up her coat and dropped her bag next to the sofa on her way through the living room. The closer she got to the stairs, the louder the music got. She hadn’t thought that was possible. Everyone in a four block radius was going to have hearing loss.
She took the stairs two at a time and stopped outside Em’s bedroom door.
The bass thumped in her chest. She knocked, but wasn’t shocked when Em didn’t answer.
The music was way too loud. She gave the door a pound, but still got nothing.
She tried the knob. The door opened, but only a couple of inches. Em’s desk chair blocked it.
“Em, move the chair, please.” Alex tried to raise her voice over the music.
She strained to hear anything. There was a thud and maybe some rustling, followed by what sounded like voices. Plural. But Em didn’t move the chair, or turn down the music.
“I’m coming in.” Alex pushed on the door, putting her shoulder into it. The chair held for a second, before sliding across the carpet. She stumbled into the room, catching herself on the edge of the desk next to the door.
She straightened and then froze.
Em and her friend Hannah, the one who’d stayed with her the night she broke her wrist, sat on the bed. Em was leaning against the headboard, Hannah sitting cross legged, facing her. They were both staring at Alex.
Hannah’s green eyes were wide, uncertainty etched on her cute face. Her brown curls were a little wild. She glanced from Alex to Em and then back again, before dropping her gaze to her lap. She fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt. Her t-shirt that was on inside out.
Em stared at Alex, her expression blank. Very carefully blank. The kind of blank that took a huge effort to maintain. Her cheeks were flushed and… were her lips swollen?
It took far too long for the pieces to weave themselves together in Alex’s brain.
“Oh,” she squeaked, and her own cheeks blazed to life.
“Sorry… umm, I didn’t mean to… I mean… umm…
could you turn the music down a little? Okay, then.
Thanks.” She stared at the girls, no one moving.
The seconds turned to eons, no one quite sure what to do.
With one last nod, Alex turned and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her.
The volume on the music lowered to a more reasonable level. She rushed into her own bedroom, shutting herself in. Leaned against the door.
For some reason, her heart felt like it was going to crash right through her ribs. She closed her eyes, sucked in a deep breath. Held it. Slowly released it. She did it three more times, searching for her center. On days like today, she appreciated her morning meditations.
She sank into the chair in front of her vanity. Although her body was under control—somewhat—her mind was whizzing around like a carnival ride.
What had she just witnessed?
That was a stupid question. She knew exactly what she’d witnessed.
Em and Hannah had been fooling around. She just wasn’t sure what to do with the information.
They were both so young… Then again, maybe that was just her perception.
Em was going to be fifteen next month. And while, yes, that was still young, she wasn’t a little girl anymore.
No matter how badly Alex wanted her to stay that way.
Oh, geez. She planted her elbows on the vanity and buried her face in her hands. How embarrassing. Em was probably mortified. Alex couldn’t imagine either of her parents barging in when she and Kevin were making out. Just the thought made her sick to her stomach.
Em was never going to forgive her.
A door opened down the hall, followed by the rush of feet down the stairs. She waited another agonizing ten minutes and then stood up. Taking a fortifying breath, she opened the door and walked to the top of the stairs. It was now or never.
Each step down the stairs sent a tight band of the unknown squeezing her chest. It also cleared her head.
The shock was slowly wearing off. Em was still grounded—the residual effect of the breaking into the school incident—which meant she wasn’t supposed to have anyone over. Especially when Alex wasn’t home.
The house was silent. What if Em had left with Hannah? Being grounded meant she wasn’t allowed to go out either, but could Alex blame her if she wanted to have some time by herself? Or with Hannah? Although, honestly, hadn’t they spent enough time alone together already today?
She rounded the corner and came up short. Em was sitting on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. The open concept of the ground floor meant the kitchen was only separated from the living room by the stretch of counter.
Em looked up at her and quickly ducked her head, burying her chin against her chest. She looked so young and embarrassed and ashamed. It cracked Alex’s heart right down the middle.
She walked over and sat on the stool next to Em. The silence stretched between them, taught and tangled, until finally, Alex couldn’t take it anymore.
She turned to face her daughter. “I’m sorry.”
Em’s head shot up. Fear, unease, and confusion warred in her wide, hazel gaze. “Why are you apologizing to me?”
“Because it was rude of me to barge into your room like that. You’re a young woman now and you deserve your privacy.”
“Um, okay.” She dropped her gaze again, watching her finger trace a random pattern across the countertop.
Alex placed her hand on top of Em’s, stilling her. “Are you and Hannah a couple?” She tried to keep her voice level, even, matter of fact. She almost managed.
Em’s gaze met hers for a moment before bouncing back to the counter. She made a kind of dismissive noise in the back of her throat. “Of course not. Why would you think—”
Alex squeezed her fingers. “Emily.”
Em looked at her and her face crumpled, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Alex’s voice cracked, her throat thick. Tears burned the back of her eyes. “Why are you sorry?” She wrapped her arms around Em’s shoulders and pulled her in. Gave her a hard squeeze.
Em hugged her back, burying her face against Alex’s neck. He shoulders shook as she sobbed. It had been a long time since Alex had the opportunity to hold her daughter like this, since her daughter let her hold her like this. If only Em wasn’t so upset.
Alex cooed and soothed, rubbing Em’s back until her sobs turned to hiccups.
She pulled back and took Em’s face between her hands.
Her daughter was so big, a young woman, and so very beautiful.
The love Alex had for her was so huge, so encompassing, it made her heart ache.
She kissed the tip of Em’s nose and then got up and poured a glass of water.
She pushed the glass across the counter. Em took a big drink. “Better?”
Em nodded, sniffing and wiping her cheeks with the back of her good hand.
“You know I don’t care that Hannah’s a girl, right?”
“You don’t?” Em’s voice was quiet and very high. She sounded so young.
“Of course not, sweetheart. I love you no matter what. And if you believe nothing else, please believe that.” She poured her own glass of water.
Took a sip. She felt so far out of her depth, but she wanted to have an open and honest relationship with her daughter.
“So, does that mean that you’re not attracted to boys? Or are you attracted to both?”
Em ducked her head again, the tips of her ears turning fuchsia. “I mean, it’s just… I want to… it’s not like…”
Alex placed her hand over Em’s again, gave another squeeze. “I’m only asking because I’m curious, not judging or anything like that.”
Em glanced at her. The fear was gone from her gaze. There was still embarrassment and maybe a bit of confusion, which was understandable. “I really only like girls.” The words were so softly spoken, she barely heard them.
She nodded. “Okay.” And she meant it. There wasn’t anything that Em could do that would stop Alex from loving her. “And Hannah?”