Chapter 5
Hank
As she slipped inside, leaving me there, it was all I could do to not follow her. I’d been waiting patiently since she arrived three days ago, and every time I thought we’d be able to talk, it never worked out. I don’t know if she was avoiding me, or if she was just incredibly busy.
I sat there on the swing watching through the window. Bob was sitting in his easy chair, and Clara was cleaning up after supper. Codie had rushed away; I’m assuming to her room. I could hear muffled voices, but not what they were actually saying. Just as I was getting ready to stand and go back to the bunkhouse, the back door squeaked. I looked over and my eyes met Jack’s.
“Whatcha doin’?” He slowly slipped onto the porch. He was barefoot, and padded over beside me.
“Relaxing. How about you?” I watched as he scratched his head, and then sat down beside me.
“I was playin’ upstairs, but Mom is sad, so I’m giving her space.” His lips twisted as if he wasn’t sure he understood what he was saying.
“Sad?” I glanced over at him, my forehead crinkling in the process.
“She misses Dad sometimes. She tries to hide it from me, but I know.” He kicked his feet as he leaned back in the swing. “I miss him, too. I don’t talk about it because it makes her more sad, but it’s hard sometimes.” He shifted and he peered up me with unshed tears in his eyes. “Can I talk to you about it?”
“Sure. You can tell me anything. I’m good with secrets.” I watched as clouds of emotions swirled in his eyes.
“Dad got sick last year. The doctors tried to help him, but he just got sicker. Right before he died, he made Mom promise to leave the city and bring me here. I don’t think she wanted to move back here, but she did it for me, and now I feel like it’s my fault that she’s sad.” A lone tear made its way down his cheek.
“Your mom is sad because she lost someone she loved. She moved here because she loves you. This isn’t your fault. You aren’t the one making her sad.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “Sometimes, when we feel sad, or mad, or even happy, we have to let it out. It’s not good to keep it inside. If you ever feel like you need to cry, or yell, or celebrate, and you want somewhere to do it alone, you can always come out to the bunkhouse. We’ll give you space, and if you wanna talk, you can talk to me.”
“Thanks,” He smiled up at me. “My dad was an accountant like my mom.” He began. “They met after she moved to the city. She told me it was love at first sight.” He laughed lightly. “They used to do gross stuff like kiss. Blech.”
“You might change your mind about that when you’re older.” I chuckled.
“That’s what my dad used to say.” He laughed again. “Mom used to tell me they were the perfect match. Dad was like the guy version of her.” He shrugged as if he didn’t understand that statement. “She never really talked about coming back here. Dad was the one who pushed it. Mom always said there was nothing here, and she needed a different life.”
Hearing Jack tell me about Codie and her husband was both painful and a blessing. I’d never really heard or asked about her after she left. Jack was so innocent, it was obvious he knew nothing about the past, and Codie must have assumed he’d never find out because she had no intention of moving back here. It was Alex who wanted this.
We sat there on the swing, only the sounds of the evening surrounding us. It was as though we both understood that we didn’t need to talk, just be there. When night time came, Jack yawned and I used that cue to excuse myself. Jack didn’t protest, and went inside, I’m assuming to go to bed. I meandered through the trees, back to the bunkhouse.
*****
“What have you been doing?” Johney grinned as I stepped through the door.
“None of your business.” I glared at him. He was still young and stupid and didn’t know his place around here. They way he flirted with Ginny proved it.
“Did she shut you down?” He cackled. “She did, didn’t she? You made a move, and she iced you.” He was laughing so hard he was gasping for air.
I advanced across the room, pausing directly in front of him. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll shut your fucking mouth.” I could feel the anger rising inside of me. He had no idea what he was starting up here. Johney came on years after Codie left. He didn’t know our past.
“Whoa, dude.” He held up his hands.
“That’s what I thought.” I stormed past him and went over to my bunk. I flopped down and closed my eyes. I was weary from the day, too amped up at the moment to sleep. I growled as I kicked my boots off and fisted my hands beside me. It was going to be a long night, I could tell already.
“Meet me here after supper,” I whispered into her ear. We were in the hay loft. It had been a long day, but knowing she was waiting for me made the work go quickly. She was wearing these tiny shorts with a red t-shirt. The fringe on the bottoms barely touched the tops of her thighs.
“I’ll try. It’s my night to do the dishes.” She smiled up at me.
“I love you.” I kissed her again. I lingered this time, letting our lips touch longer than usual. I was sweaty, and covered in dust from the hay fields, but she didn’t seem to care. She fisted my sweat-soaked shirt and pulled me closer, nipping at my lip before backing away.
“I love you, too.” She give a little finger wave, checked to make sure no one was in the barn, and then climbed down the ladder, leaving me there to calm myself.
We’d been sneaking away for six months now, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could do it. She was seventeen, and by all accounts too young for me, but I couldn’t stay away. I tried, lord I tried. I’d make excuses to not be around when she was out helping, and I ignored her for months, but she didn’t act seventeen, and her body sure as hell didn’t look seventeen.
I paced the loft, telling myself to calm down and watching through the cracks of the boards as she jogged across the lawn and up onto the porch. I heard her yell something to her mom and then the screen door slammed.
“Hank? You up there working?” Jeff called from down below.
I positioned myself where he couldn’t see the raging boner I was trying to make disappear. “Yeah. I was stacking some near the back to make room for tomorrow.” I stuck my head out and waved.
“Good. That’ll be good. We’re eating soon, so you might wanna head in and wash up when you’re done.” He nodded and turned away.
I needed an ice bath for what I was dealing with.
My eyes opened as the memory passed. I was frustrated and confused. I still didn’t know why she left. If what Jack said was true, then Alex had nothing to do with her leaving.
I pushed myself to a seated position and shoved my feet back into my boots. I stood and stormed back outside. I needed space to think. “Later.” I waved at Jeff as I was walking away and he was coming up to the bunkhouse.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he called at my back. I waved him off before turning to make a beeline for the barn. I don’t know why I thought being in there would help. Habit maybe. Before I knew it, I was climbing the steps to the loft.
I stared at the small space. Bales were stacked everywhere from the last few days’ worth of work. Just the smell made me think of her. For years, I’ve been able to make myself forget, but now that she’s back, the memories are front and center all the time.
“Hank? You up there?” she whisper-shouted from down below. I stuck my head out and she grinned up at me before climbing the ladder.
“How long can you stay?” I helped her over the threshold, and she toppled onto me.
“They went to bed. I snuck out. Unless Louise rats on me, I have a while.” She shrugged before leaning down to kiss me. “You smell good,” she whispered.
“Soap does that when you shower.” I chuckled as I tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Her cornsilk hair was glowing. “You’re so beautiful when you’re bathed in the moonlight.”
“This is my favorite time of day.” She shifted toward my side, leaving one leg draped over me. “It’s the one time I feel like I don’t have to worry about anyone seeing me.” Her mouth turned down slightly, but she shook the thought away as she leaned in to kiss me again. “Did you mean it today? When you said you loved me?” Her nose skimmed up my jaw. I shivered against her. She has always been able to turn me on but seemed to be trying harder tonight.
“Yes. I think I loved you before I really knew you.” My heart was racing. “I tried to stay away because I know your daddy would not be ok with this, but I just can’t.”
“It’s only because you’re older, and two years isn’t that big of a deal.” She rolled her eyes. We can tell him soon. I promise.” She leaned down and kissed me again. “Only four more months and then I’m eighteen.”
“Have you thought about college?” I had been trying to bring this up the last couple times we had snuck off, but Codie was always changing the subject.
“I’m going to stay local. I want to get an accounting degree so I can do the books for the farm.” She smiled. “Daddy wants bigger things for me though, so we’ll see.” A look of sadness washed over her face before she pushed it away and looked back at me. “I don’t want to talk right now.” She sealed her mouth over mine, and as the kiss grew, she rubbed herself against my thigh.
We made out for quite a while before I put the brakes on. She looked at me confused. “Don’t you want to?”
“I do, but I don’t want to give your daddy a reason to fire my ass. I’m nineteen, Codie. I could get in real trouble. We need to wait.” She started to scramble away, but I grabbed her hand. “Wait.” Her mouth turned down and her lower lip trembled. “I’m doing this because I love you. I want a forever with you. I’m not going anywhere.” I moved closer and kissed her lightly. “There is a lot of other stuff we can do.” I gave her a lopsided smile before kissing her again.
“Ok.” She kissed me back.
I picked up a piece of loose hay and twisted it between my fingers. This hay loft saw so many things and held so many memories. I often wondered if she left to escape the memories of this place.
I moved over to the far side and peaked through the cracks in the boards. I could see the big house. A few lights were on, and a shadowed figure was moving around upstairs. I watched it until the lights went out, and then I slowly made my way back to the bunkhouse. Most of the guys had gone to bed. It was going to be an early morning of stacking hay again. I slipped out of my clothes, and climbed into bed, hoping that she would evade my thoughts and allow me to sleep. I needed a night that wasn’t plagued by her, but if the last few nights were any indication of what was to come, tonight would be sleepless again.