Chapter 10
Dakota
“I’m not sure how to answer that.” I looked away for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. Part of me wanted to jump up and down and say yes, and another part of me wasn’t sure I could handle it.
“Remember our first date?” He reached across the table and clasped one of my hands. “Remember how you told me that when I touched you, you felt tingles? You said it didn’t matter if it was our arms brushing or me tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You said being near me made you feel things.” I nodded. I remembered all of that. “Do you still feel it?” He lifted our joined hands and laced his fingers with mine. “Do you get that zing, as you called it?”
“Sometimes,” I whispered. “But—” I looked away again and then back to him “—how do we do this? We can’t just pick up where we left off. We’re different now.”
“Different in a good way, I hope.” Hank gave me a lopsided grin.
“You know what I mean. We’re older, and I have Jack now.” I didn’t know why I was stalling. I think Hank and I both knew that if we stopped holding back, we’d probably burn up in the flame that would ignite between us. It was always hot, and now that we’re older and not learning as we go, we’d sure set everything around us ablaze.
“Here’s what I know… I still have feelings for you; I think they never really went away, I just learned to live with them in the background. I would like to try again if you’re willing to stand up to your family if and when they voice their opinions of this. I know we could be happy.” He released my hand and sat back in his seat. It was this moment that our food came. “Thank you.” He nodded to the server as she set everything on the table.
“If you need anything else, just let me know.” She smiled and rushed away. It was as if she could sense that we were in the middle of something.
“Could you start over?” I stared at him, waiting for his eyes to tell me if he was being truthful. I could always tell what he was thinking by looking into his eyes. “Could you put the past in the past, and start fresh?”
“For you, yes.” He picked up a piece of cornbread and took a bite. His eyes closed as he chewed it, and he made a little moaning sound. “Your daddy was right. This food is delicious,” he mumbled around a mouthful.
“Ok, no more talking about this, then. Let’s just see what happens.” I smiled. I wasn’t sure what that meant or if I could even do it, but the fact that we both still felt something meant that we should at least try. I was the one who blew us up, so if he was willing to forgive me, then I should at least be open to something new. Part of me also knew that Alex would want me to move on and be happy.
*****
Hank
After supper, we went for a drive. It was a beautiful night, and I wasn’t quite ready to take her home yet. Part of me wanted the night to last forever. “Where are we going?” She glanced over at me as I pulled into the local gas station.
“Not far. Stay here.” I smiled as I climbed out and went inside. I searched the cooler in the back for some cold Bud Light. After paying, I set it in the bed of my truck before climbing back in. “I have a plan. Do you trust me?” I grinned as I watched her fidget in her seat.
“Yes.” Her forehead wrinkled as if she were trying to figure out what she was agreeing to. I cranked the engine and headed back toward the farm. About a mile from the main drive into the farm, there is a dirt road off to the right. It leads back into a field with a small pond. I used to fish here years ago, but most importantly, the grass and weeds around it are taller than my truck. No one would even know we were back here if we kept the headlights off.
“Do kids still come back here?” She laughed as we bounced along the road.
“I don’t know. I haven’t been here in years.” We used to come back here to make out when we first got together. It was private, and we never had worry about someone discovering us.
I came to a stop at the end, and turned off my lights. The sun was barely above the horizon. It would be dark soon, and we’d only have the moon to light the way. Crickets were starting to chirp, and lightning bugs were coming out. “Nothing’s changed.” She sighed.
“Come on.” I motioned as I opened my door. I trudged through the weeds around to the back and put the tailgate down. When she came around, I helped her up, and sat beside her. We let our legs hang off and swung them against the grass. “Thirsty?” I reached back and grabbed a cold beer. She threw her head back in laughter, the golden waves dancing along her back as she faced the sky. Her laugh sounded like a melody I’d long forgotten about. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I handed her a beer.
“Is this weird?” She smiled as she took the beer.
“Not to me.” I shrugged as I took a sip. “I used to come here after you left to try and figure out what I did wrong. I’d talk to myself, and I made a promise that if you ever came back, I’d never let you leave again. This place offered me peace.” I held my bottle out and we clinked them together.
“There was a time when I’d sit on my balcony and stare at the sky wondering if you were looking at it, too. It made things hard, so I stopped doing it, then I met Alex. I think I made myself fall in love with him. At first, he was a distraction from you. He showered me with attention, and it made it easier to move on. I don’t think I could do that now if I left.” She set the beer bottle beside her and turned toward me. She pulled one leg up and bent it in front of her. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’m sorry.” Her eyes softened and she licked her lips. The breeze blew in that moment and it was as if my prayers were being answered. I’d asked for this so many times, and now she was here.
I set my bottle down, leaned in, and brushed my lips over hers. She scooted closer, and I took the opportunity to cup her jaw. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.” I breathed against her lips. My other hand ran up her arm, across her shoulder, and to nape of her neck. My fingers entwined in her soft hair, and she deepened the kiss. Before either of us had planned it, she rose up onto her knees and swung one leg over my lap. She stayed there, just hovering over me as she ran her fingers through my hair, gently tugging every now and then.
It never went any further, we just enjoyed remembering each other’s kiss. It was sweet with moments of fire mixed in. I didn’t push, and she seemed ok with that.
“Remember that night we slept out here?” We were lying on our backs, staring at the night sky.
“What I remember is falling asleep out here, and not waking up until the sun rose.” I chuckled as my head rolled to the side to look at her.
“I can’t believe I was able to sneak in and not get caught.” She rolled her eyes. “Gia was always such a tattletale.”
“Gia was jealous, and I think still is at times.” I turned back to face the sky. I wasn’t sure how much of this I wanted to share.
“Why do you say that?”
“Remember when you caught her at the bunkhouse? I told you nothing was going on.” Memories of one of our first fights filled my head.
“Yeah,” she grumbled.
Gia had made a pass at me. I turned her down, so she came to the bunkhouse to shower that afternoon. I was taking a nap, and the guys had gone into town. When I woke up, Gia was standing in front of me in only a towel. I asked her to leave, and she tried to kiss me. Codie walked in right at that moment.
“I saw what you did the day I came back. How long have you been rescuing her?”
“I did it for you. I wanted your first night back to be drama free.” I sighed.
“Gia will always bring drama into my life. She has since she was born. Part of me wonders why she hates me so much.”
“I don’t think she hates you; I think she wants to be the center of attention, and between you coming home and Louise’s deadbeat husband, she feels she needs to do something to be front and center.” I rocked forward and sat up. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.”
“What do you want to talk about then?” She sat up beside me.
“How about our next date?” I grinned.
“Ok, but Jack wants to come with us sometime, so I’d like to do something where he could be included.”
“I’ve got the perfect thing. I’ll plan it all.” Wheels were already turning in my head. Jack has been coming with me each day to work on his swimming skills, and he’s actually getting to be pretty good.
“So, do you want to share this idea?” She laughed.
“No, it’s going to be a surprise. Jack is going to help plan it.” I hopped off the tailgate. “We’d better start heading back before they come looking for us.” I winked. That was always my line when we snuck out here.
“Sure thing.” She giggled, as that was always her response.
We made our way back to the cab, and climbed in. As we bounced along the dirt road, you could hear the beer bottles clanging around in the bed of the truck. It was like no time had passed. Part of me felt like I was 20 all over again and we were sneaking back to the farm, hoping to get a few more touches and kisses in before we had to go to bed. I stole glances of her in the moonlight as we drove up to the guesthouse. I parked and climbed out, coming around to her door. As we walked up to the front porch, she swung our joined hands between us. “I had a good night.” She looked up at me, the moonlight making the gloss on her lips shine.
“Same.” I tipped my hat as I stared down at her.
“Do the guys still play cards on Wednesdays?” There was twinkle in her eyes.
“Most weeks, yeah.” I chuckled. “You plannin’ to come school us?” She’d taken Jeff for a hundred bucks the last time she came to poker night.
“Just wonderin’?” She bounced up on her toes and lightly kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Hank.”
“’Nite.” I nodded and then turned to go back to the truck. I could’ve walked to the bunkhouse but I didn’t want the other hands seeing my truck in front of her house and getting the wrong idea.
It was a short drive over, and I sat there in the dark in front of the bunkhouse, just playing the night over in my head. I felt happy for the first time in years, and the idea that I might finally get what I’ve been wanting for the longest time made me feel whole.