Chapter 14
John-Michael Kennedy
Later that night
"Thank you for coming over," he said to his sister, Sara.
"I'll just be gone for a couple of hours."
"I'm so glad you called. I've been wanting to hang out with my neph."
"I'm heading out in just a minute," he said, making his way back to his bedroom to choose his jacket and shoes. It was a cool day, and he went with an athletic windbreaker with jeans and nice tennis shoes.
He had his bedroom door open and he heard it when his sister and Ethan went to the front door.
Sadie was standing in the entryway by the time he made it down the hall. She was holding Ethan on her hip while he stared at her. She had on jeans and a light purple hoodie, and he already ached to touch her.
"Have you met Sadie?" he asked his sister, trying to stay focused .
"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago she was here, watching Ethan."
"Are you watching me tonight?" Ethan asked, looking at Sadie.
"Did you double-book babysitters?" Sara asked, smiling and looking back at her brother.
"No, Sadie's actually, coming with me. To dinner."
"Oh," Sara said, looking wide-eyed like she was just getting it. "Oh, I, of course."
John-Michael could see the surprise on his sister's face, and he stepped toward Sadie, holding his hands out for Ethan. He situated the boy on his side, holding him up next to his chest and looking right at him.
"I'm taking Sadie out to dinner, and you're going to stay here and have dinner and playtime with Aunt Sara."
"Okay, but where are y'all going?"
"Just for a burger," John-Michael said. "We won't be long. You can stay up till we get back."
"I like burgers. I'll come with you," Ethan said, innocently. "And Aunt Sara can too."
"I'm taking just me and Sadie this time, but we'll be back soon."
"Yeah, he'll be right back," Sara assured him. "Maybe we can dig in the cupboards and see if you have the right stuff to make some chocolate chip cookies. We might need… some dirt, some worms ," she started listing silly ingredients and Ethan cracked up. "You guys have fun!" Sara yelled as she crossed to the kitchen with Ethan following her.
John-Michael yelled a farewell to them, and then made eye contact with Sadie. She was adorable. He thought back to the things she had said in the classroom earlier, and he knew things would change between them tonight. He was ready for that. She had completely captivated him. He was willing to put his heart on the line.
He opened the passenger's door to his truck, and she smiled at him, but they didn't say anything until he got into the driver's seat and closed the door.
"Are you good with a burger?" he asked, regarding her from over the console.
"Yes, of course, but I didn't need to… I thought when you asked me for dinner, you meant I would just eat dinner with you and E. You didn't have to get Sara to come over."
"Do you not want to go out?"
"No, I want to."
"Okay, then, it's good."
"What about Sara and E, though? Knowing about it? I thought you were saying that E would repeat stuff."
"Yeah, and you said you were okay with that."
"Are you okay with it?" she asked.
He glanced at her. All this time, he had been making himself not look at her that way. He was giving her space and he needed to pace himself for Ethan's sake, but it had been difficult .
In order to distance himself, he hadn't really focused on Sadie physically. He would blur his vision in just the right way so that he didn't gaze at her beauty. He had made himself forget how beautiful she was and how attracted he was to her. He had been maintaining distance for so long that it gave John-Michael a jolt when he locked eyes with her.
He talked to her as they rode in the car, but he didn't reach out to hold her hand. He wanted to, but now that he had given himself permission, he didn't know where to begin. He had been around her at least ten times in the last month, and never was he this nervous.
He had reason to believe that they both knew what they were in for by this point—it was an official date. He began to wonder if burgers were enough. He asked if she wanted something fancier, and she refused, saying she had her heart set on a burger ever since he mentioned it.
They made their way to a nearby burger establishment called MoJoe's where they sat across from each other and shared a meal. It was a normal meal, but it felt monumental to John-Michael. He noticed everything about her—everything she did. He saw the way her mouth moved when she spoke. She was smiling at him and flirting with him, but she was not too nervous to eat, she ate most of her burger and fries and was still working on her shake .
John-Michael thought she was so beautiful sitting across the table from him, and he wished he could be with her for every meal she ever ate for the rest of her life. He liked her so much, and he could tell by her attentive, caring personality that she liked him too. He played it cool, physically, because he hardly knew where to begin. They talked about surface-level things and left the restaurant an hour and a half after they arrived.
They walked out together, and he held the door for her. She made her way past him, and he put his hand on her side as if to usher her out.
He felt her cold hand cover his.
It was only for a second or two, but she captured his hand on her side, keeping it there, enjoying the contact. She had done it intentionally because John-Michael felt her fingertips move, touching the back of his hand before she pulled away.
He wanted to touch her again.
He ached to reach out and touch Sadie on the way to his truck, but he didn't know how to do it. It had been too long. He was usually nonchalant with women, but this was different. He could tell that she wanted things to move forward, and that made him so pumped and excited that he was reluctant in ways he thought he would never be. He wanted her so badly by this point that he felt like he could just break her in half or crush her by accident. He wanted to tame her. He wanted her to never dance for anyone else but him. He wanted her to come home to him every night. He wanted her to be a mom to Ethan.
He was walking to his side of the truck when he had that thought, and he cringed, wondering if motherhood was too much to ask of her. She was youthful and full of life, and he loved that about her, but that very attribute gave him doubt that she would take to mom life so easily. He had hope, but he also had doubt. He couldn’t help it. Motherhood was a lot to ask.
He sat in the driver's seat and started the truck. It was cool outside and he turned on the heater and the stereo, but he didn't bother backing out. He adjusted in his seat, turning to face her. She extended her arm, and placed her hand gently onto the console, palm up. John-Michael put his hand into hers.
"Is this okay?" she asked.
It felt like heaven to him. His chest was about to explode. "Yes," he said.
She pulled on his hand, holding it closer to her chest. She had on layers of clothing, but he could feel the warmth of her body, and it made him forget to breathe. She was so adorable and it felt so insane to touch her that he could hardly think straight.
"Thank you for dinner," she said.
"You're welcome. My pleasure. That was fun."
"Hey, John-Michael?"
"Yes, Sadie? "
"Do you remember that night when I first watched E? That night when you did that interview and I fell asleep next to him?"
"Yes, I do remember that." He stared at her, wanting her.
"I dreamed I kissed you," she said.
"You did."
"Yes. And it was vivid. I feel like I already have done it."
"You did do it."
"What?"
"I wasn't asking if you did, I was saying that you, in fact, did kiss me that night. With your mouth."
"No, I did not," she said with a wide-eyed expression.
"I knew you were dreaming. Your eyes were closed the whole time. I don't even know how you knew I was there. You just reached out and it happened. I thought you didn't know you had done it, so I never mentioned it."
"I knew it," she said, staring at him thoughtfully, looking like she was thinking back to that moment. "I feel like it was good."
He cleared his throat. "It was very good," he agreed.
"Why did you never mention it to me since it happened?"
He shrugged and stared out of the front windshield. It was dark and he couldn’t see much. She brought his hand up to her mouth, and his torso was on fire. He wanted to toss her over his shoulder and cart her to the nearest wedding chapel. The warm soft, feel of her lips on the back of his hand—it was too much for him to handle. He breathed a sigh, watching her.
"Sadie, you do something to me. You make me… just the sight of you makes my heart… I would really love to get closer to you, but I don't even know where to start. " He sighed and shook his head.
"Do you want to kiss me? I was thinking that might happen."
He blinked at her. He wanted so much more than to kiss her. He wished he could make her promise that she would be with him forever and that she wouldn't break his heart. He didn't say any of that. He stared at the place where her mouth was gently touching the back side of his hand.
"You drive me crazy, Sadie, I hope you know that. I can barely look at you without… feeling like I just want to have you with me all the time."
"I want to be with you all the time."
She moved his hand, touching her mouth in gentle sweeping strokes to the back of it. Music was playing on the radio, and John-Michael could hardly breathe as he watched her.
"I think we might be overthinking this a little bit," she said. "It's been a little while, and we're finding ourselves alone. So, do you mind if I use this opportunity to maybe just, uh, come over there for a second?"
"No, Sadie, I don't mind that."
She leaned toward him, and he did the same thing, leaning in, getting closer to her. She was still holding his hand, and he brought it up to touch her face. They were close enough to kiss, and he felt like he was in danger of exploding into smithereens. He was wound tight, like a spring. He expected her to close the gap between them, but she hesitated for a second.
The tension was like nothing he had ever felt. He wondered if there might be a spark when their lips met. He moved and closed the space between them. She leaned into him with the perfect amount of resistance, and he let his lips soften next to hers. They stayed that way for a few seconds, letting their lips connect softly and slowly, barely moving. It was a long, lingering, sticky kiss where they made contact several long times. He pulled back slightly, and she let out a light whimper. She wanted him, and that was all the waiting he could take.
He kissed her. John-Michael leaned in and kissed her like he had been wanting to do for the last month. He opened his mouth to her, and she invited his kiss, responding to him, moving in response to him.
They connected passionately in the front seat of his truck. Music played and they kissed each other like it had happened a thousand times. They kissed for an entire song—at least. They were comfortable and perfect as partners, but there was an undeniable sort of firework chemistry newness that filled their kiss.
That passion and newness had them both struggling to breathe once he finally pulled away. It was a difficult task to break that kiss. He was full of need.
"John-Michael, thank you, I've been dying for that to happen, waiting and wanting it so much."
She said the words in a sincere pleading tone that had his heart breaking. He wished he had done this sooner. He held her hands and stared at her face from only inches away, thinking that he never ever wanted to let her go.
"I'm sorry it didn't happen sooner," he said, causing her to smile.
"I'm sorry too, but we don't need to be. It's sweet how many times we were so close to it happening. One time, I almost died when you touched my hand."
He laughed and kissed her for saying that. "Was it when you met me at my parents' and we ended up eating dinner up there?"
"Yesss."
"I remember that," he said. "We were basically holding hands."
"I know. We had so many close calls."
Sadie kissed him again after she said that. She took charge and kissed him. She took her time. She kissed his face and his cheek. They were gentle, caring, sweet kisses. She looked at him and doted on him, and nothing like it had ever happened to him in his whole life.
They sat in his truck for twenty or thirty minutes, and they were some of the best minutes he had ever lived. He loved Sadie Kirkpatrick, there was no doubt in his mind. He caught himself already praying and pleading with God that she would be in his life forever.