14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I pull the now messy bun out of my hair and run my fingers through it.
Hair up or down? It’s not a decision I can take lightly.
Black boots, charcoal jeans, a black shirt with one button too many undone, and a black woolen oversized blazer. I look suave as fuck.
Tapping my phone screen, I check the time and shoot off a message to our group chat.
JESS : Common room in two minutes.
SAXON : We’re already here, you sex pest.
Lovely .
Sliding the hair tie around my wrist, I take a deep breath and exit my room.
It’s almost unsettling how bizarrely calm I am.
And I don’t mind admitting to myself that it had been a relief when Kai invited himself. Whether he actually shows up is a different kettle of fish, though. All I know is that he said to be outside at eight.
“What the fuck are you so dressed up for?” Romeo asks when I exit the lift like he isn’t wearing a Supreme cardigan and Prada brogues.
“I’m not.”
“You are,” Saxon agrees, his position barely flinching as he looks at his phone. “What’s this place like, anyway?”
“Does it matter?” I walk straight past him to the door. “Kai said to meet him out front.”
“I still don’t know how I feel about him,” Romeo mutters with a wry face. “Something about him rubs me the wrong way.”
“He grows on ya.”
“Yeah, I see that,” Saxon admits. “Hate at first sight, for sure. But after chatting with him today, he seems to understand the correct way to treat our little Jess.” With a pompous snigger, he rubs his hand on the top of my hair to mess it up.
With a surly pout, I shake my head and re-tuck the hair behind my ears.
“Okay, he might be tolerable, but I don’t plan on tonight being pretty,” Romeo starts, “So I’d rather not have to watch my behavior.”
“If he can’t handle our banter, Jess. There will be problems.”
“Shut your cock-washers.” I turn back to them. “He’s giving us a ride, and he’s a sound bloke. Yeah, he flirts with everyone, but that’s his banter. Deal with it, or don’t. I don’t give a shit. But he’s coming, and I don’t wanna hear any more about it.”
Leaving them to mutter under their breaths, I spin back around and gulp my stomach back down at the sight of a pair of headlights. Saxon and Romeo can back out if they want, but I’m getting in that van.
It’s not the classiest mode of transport, but it’s free.
“Was nothing else available?” Romeo dryly taunts as Kai winds down the window.
“No need to worry. I’m much gentler the second time around.”
Romeo groans, and Saxon slaps him in the chest. “It was funny. Get in the fucking van.”
Biting my tongue, I flee the immediate vicinity to the passenger side.
With a loud scrape, Saxon slides the door open and climbs in. “Good evening, you sexy thing,” he projects towards Kai, and I roll my eyes because my best friend is an egotistical mother fucker who is perpetually starved for attention no matter how overloaded with it he may actually be.
Swiveling, Kai looks straight at Saxon. “And it’s all the better now I’ve seen your handsome face.”
Falling back into his chair, Saxon claps his hands over his heart. “You know just what to say to get me all hot and bothered.”
“This ain’t the time for a circle jerk. There’s a bottle of whiskey with my name on it and I’d like it down my throat sooner rather than later.”
Mine and Saxon’s eyes widen as we smirk at each other, and then both look expectantly at Kai, but he shakes his head. “I’m gonna let that one go.”
“The fuck?” Saxon pushes on the back of his chair. “He left himself wide open. Now it’s too late for me to say something.”
“The night is still young.” Kai puts the van into drive. “Plenty more hours for Romeo’s brooding to fester.”
I’m uncertain if the drive was quicker tonight with Kai speeding along the mountain road, or if time has lost all relevance to me. Because, even with no streetlights and a waning moon, I spent the entire journey focused on Kai’s right hand. Resting on his thigh, sometimes he taps his fingers or runs his nails along the fabric of his trousers like he knows I’m watching. And that thought alone makes my left hand hypersensitive and drawn to his like a magnet. I want to know what it feels like to place it on his and intertwine our fingers. A hand as big as mine. Strong, and dry like all mens are.
The Pride of Donegal is the last building on the high street, so Kai pulls into the empty gravel lot beside it. Saxon and Romeo are out of the van in seconds, and I wait, hoping for some kind of small interaction while we’re alone, but Kai pulls the keys from the ignition and climbs down from his seat without so much as a look in my direction.
Blinking several times, I shake my head and exit, too.
Kai is waiting for me at the door and pulls it open when he sees me round the side of the building. His eyes rake down my body as I move towards the entrance, and the momentary insecurity I’d felt evaporates away as his hand presses against my lower back.
“You look fucking hot tonight,” he breathes in my ear before letting the door swing closed behind us.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I fight against my instinct to melt into him as we head towards the same table Romeo and I had occupied last night.
Romeo and Saxon are already sitting, and before I have a chance to take a seat, Kai offers to buy the first round of drinks. His etiquette is on point, and my brothers look impressed. But then he goes ahead and pulls the rug out from beneath me by tugging on my elbow and saying, “C’mon Jean . You’re coming with me.”
My eyes narrow, my jaw goes slack, and I’m being pulled towards the bar, leaving Romeo and Saxon at the table in hysterics.
“You’re a prick,” I mutter, leaning my elbows on the bar and staring at the side of Kai’s nonchalant face.
His shrug is even more apathetic than his expression. “I love the look on your face when I call you that.”
Recalling my place and the confidence I’m meant to be exuding, I roll my shoulders and look over the beer taps. “And I love that you think you can resist me.”
“Maybe I can, maybe I can’t. Only time will tell. But I’m having a lot of fun in the meantime.”
Yeah. Me too.
But there’s no way in hell I’ll admit it to him. Besides, the longer our flirtations carry on, the longer it will be before I have to physically face the wants of my body. Yes, the anticipation is agonizing, but having a guy’s dick against your thigh is a world away from actually kissing them. And, the reality is, if we can’t actually kiss each other, then all this is nothing more than a curious infatuation that I’m not ready to end.
“Cheers.” Romeo nods at Kai when I place his double whiskey in front of him, then he waits for us to sit before wrapping his fingers around the glass.
Smugly, Kai lifts his Coke. “To… Unexplained feelings,” he says before Romeo’s lips can hit his glass.
Romeo’s top lip curls. “You’re a fucking weirdo.” But he clinks his glass anyway and downs its amber liquid in one go. Screwing up his face, he breathes in sharply through his teeth and slaps his palms flat on the wooden tabletop. “I’m gonna get myself another one now, but I’ll get the next round as well.”
Saxon shakes his head and makes a point of looking around the bar instead of acknowledging him, because this scenario isn’t new to us.
“You weren’t kidding when you said you wanted to knock yourself out.” Kai leans both forearms on the table and towards Romeo sitting opposite him. “You know you still have to work tomorrow.”
Romeo copies his position. “Not till eleven.”
“Who’s saying you won’t get a last-minute, nine am booking?” Kai counters.
“You…” Romeo pauses and collects himself. “Look, I’m not about abusing friendships, but I could do with the favor. I need to shake this jet lag once and for all.”
Kai slumps his chin into his right hand. “Mawww. Are we friends?”
“Fuck off,” Romeo pouts with less animosity than the first words he shared with Kai, then heads off to the bar.
“He likes ya. I promise.”
“He hopes,” Saxon injects. “Romi is usually Prince Charming to everyone, so I’m not sure what’s got his knickers in a twist over you.”
“Perhaps he sees me as competition? He’s not the only one with a silver tongue.”
“You sure do think quite highly of yourself.”
“I sweet talked you, didn’t I?”
Saxon dips his head to the side and raises his pint. “That’s cause grilling Jess, is the way to my heart.”
“And what’s the way to Romeo’s?”
“Loyalty?” Saxon shrugs. “He’s pretty much nice to everyone unless he thinks one of us is threatened. But… I don’t think you’re the kind of threat he’s usually worried about.”
I choke on my beer. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Kai and Saxon share a knowing look. The kind where people have had a prior conversation and are reconfirming their suspicions.
“Check out his face.” Saxon points at me with his thumb.
Kai pinches my cheek. “Isn’t it adorable?”
“That’s one way of putting it,” Romeo adds, returning to the conversation like he never left.
Kai looks at the half-full glass, and I notice a tension in his arms that I’ve not seen before. “Can you, ah. Maybe get that with a mixer next time?” he asks Romeo.
“Hah?” Romeo stares back at him with a look that says, you’re not my mother .
“I’m responsible for you tonight, and—”
“I can take care of myself.”
“That’s your third drink.”
“Second,” Romeo corrects.
“You ordered two and had one at the bar.”
In awe, I look from Kai to Romeo. He’s not happy, but when his eyes meet mine, he drops the scowl. “Fine. But your boyfriend needs to mind his own business.”
This is the most out of control I’ve sensed Kai since meeting him. I know he’s trying to conceal it, but his eyes are everywhere. Assessing everything like something could jump out from under the table at any minute and drag him away.
Saxon may be a royal pain in my ass, but there are times when he comes in handy. “Just sit your ass down and behave yourself. We’re both bigger than they are, so try to have a little compassion.” The words are barely out of his mouth before he’s laughing at them. But it cuts the tension enough for Kai to relax back into his chair.
“Are you okay?” I ask once Romeo and Saxon’s rambling increases in volume enough for them not to hear me.
He nods. Of course, what the hell are you talking about?
Taking care of two giant children is more than enough for me. The three of us have so much baggage and family bullshit hanging over our heads that I’m not sure if I have enough spare brain cells I can devote to another broken soul. Saxon’s court case and aftermath have consumed us for the past two years. Add to that my grandfather passing away and the fact that Romeo’s never gotten over the shit his father did, and you have an enormous ball of emotional fuckery. We make it work—we always have—but that’s because we’ve been doing it together for sixteen years…
The light scuff of Kai’s stool along the floorboards as he moves closer has my eyes darting to see if anyone else noticed.
“They’re too self-interested to pay attention to us right now.”
And I’m far too self-indulgent.
Kai may as well be wearing a sign that says ‘walking red flag,’ but not even logic is enough to tear me away. So to spite him, I pretend like he didn’t say a word, and take a sip of my beer.
“I can’t wait till you give in and show me what you’ve got hiding under that shirt,” he utters in my direction.
Licking my lips, I put my pint back down and spin the base of it on its coaster. “I’m not that easy. There’s a lot more I need to know about you before I start stripping.”
Lies! All lies. Every single word. I’ve been balls deep before without even knowing the bird’s name.
Kai stretches his arm along the back of my chair. “We can turn it into another game if you like. I answer a question. You remove an item of clothing… My choice.”
Fuck, that sounds inviting. “Not really the right location.” I brush him off.
“Then isn’t it convenient that you have a perfectly good room right across the hall from mine?”
“Keep talking.”
“I don’t do sleepovers though.”
“Who said anything about sleeping?”
Kai takes his arm back and rubs his palms on his thighs in frustration. “You’ll have to surrender first, Jess.”
“I told you. I won’t make the first move.”
“And what is the first move? You never clarified.”
“Ah…” I stumble.
“This?” Under the table, Kai’s hand lands just above my knee. His fingers curl into my inner thigh as he slides it upwards—the whole time studying my reaction.
“No,” I gulp. That isn’t a move. Not after what he did this morning.
A few inches below my crotch, Kai stops and squeezes. “This is your game, Jess. And I’ve loved playing it so far. But c’mon, give it up.”
“A kiss.” I look at him directly, but my eyes are drawn to his lips a second later. “You have to kiss me.”
“Alright.” He smiles proudly. “When I think you’ve had enough teasing, I’ll do it… Unless you break and kiss me first.”
“Never gonna happen.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
The cheeky simper I’d seen when I closed my eyes on our first night here is staring back at me. And this newly uncovered hedonistic side of me that feeds off of every little interaction we have couldn’t be happier. So, with Kai still gripping my thigh, I take the foot nearest to him and wrap it around his. I want more, but this is all I can bring myself to do for now. And it has nothing to do with the fact my two best friends are only a meter away.
Under the usual circumstances, Romeo is a happy—if not overly lustful—drunk. He can hold his liquor, banter with the best of us, and is all around very agreeable. But tonight he’s been in a shit of a mood. And he’s been pushing his luck with the bartender for the past half-hour, so I’m thankful when he rounds the bar, whistles, and jerks his head towards the door the second Romeo’s head hits the table.
“Come on, then. Arm in,” I tell him as I try to feed his hand into the sleeve of his coat. But he grumbles like a toddler, shakes his arm free, and tries to make a pillow out of it.
“Do you need help with yours, baby?” Kai asks Saxon as he stands.
Quite drunk himself, Saxon is quick to respond. “You can help me out of it when we get back.” But his words are more confident than his cognizance, and he sways as he stands.
“Oh, the temptation.” Kai shakes his head and watches, rather unimpressed, as Saxon staggers towards the exit in a commotion of cursing and banging his shins. “You sure you don’t wanna leave him here?” he asks, looking back at Romeo.
I am not impressed.
“Fine,” he says with a roll of his eyes at my expression. “You can sleep in the van. But be a good boy and don’t vomit everywhere.”
“We’re a package deal,” I tell him, taking one of Romeo’s arms and laying it across my shoulders. “So you can quit playing now if you like. It’s not what I want but…” These two bellends mean more to me than my own flesh and blood.
I’m thankful when he takes Romeo’s other arm without hesitation, but I’d be lying if I said there was no caution in his movements. Even despite his tattoos and the darkness of the pub, I can still see the veins in his hand bulging from how tightly he’s gripping onto Romeo’s wrist like he’s terrified he could start swinging at any minute.
But I don’t mention it. It’s not my place.
He’s helping. And alone, I’m thankful for that.
“Hey, you sexy brunette,” he calls out to Saxon once we’re outside. “Grab the keys, would ya?” he asks, shaking his hip where the keys are in his pocket. And with a dramatic spin, Saxon struts back towards us.
“Is this your way of trying to get me into your pants?” he flirts, stopping dead in front of Kai—his stance swaying and his eyes heavy. “You’re just lucky I like chicks, cause I’d wreck you.”
“Pfft!” I splutter.
“Oh, you sweet, sexy thing.” Kai looks at him with smug pity. “It’s a good thing you aren’t going to remember this in the morning.”
“Yeah?” Saxon slurs. “Well, I know what you’ll be thinking about tonight.”
“I really don’t think you do.”
With more confidence than I’ve seen him possess in years, Saxon steps closer to Kai. “I can’t figure you out, Mate. But… Why don’t you like me? I mean… Like you do Jess. You flirt with him differently and it’s hurting my feelings.”
I know that somewhere in Saxon’s muddled mind he’s trying to be funny, and typically I’d be here for it. But Kai and I are still holding up six feet and four inches of Romeo’s dead weight.
“You’re just not pretty enough for my personal taste…”
Saxon tries to follow Kai’s words, but they go in one ear and out the other.
“...You see, Saxon. Your biggest problem is you remind me far too much of the jocks from my hometown. You are sexy, but the only thing you can ever hope for is to be my friend. Now, if you can break the jock stereotype for me—that’s great. But you’re certainly not gonna make me stray from pussy, that’s for sure.”
From behind Romeo’s back, I feel Kai’s hand rise and take hold of my forearm. His thumb moves back and forth as Saxon continues to try to convince him of something neither of them is interested in.
“Look, babe,” Kai finally interrupts, shaking his hip again. “Let’s chat about this under more sober circumstances.”
Sighing with an eye roll that almost sends him off balance, Saxon retrieves the keys from Kai’s pocket. Still trying to prove something—though I have no idea what—he slinks backwards towards the van and destroys all his hard work when he fumbles with the lock and drops the keys. When he finally gets it unlocked, Saxon throws the side door open—offering no help as Kai and I struggle to pull him inside.
It’s not pretty, but we prop him up against the window well enough for me to put a seatbelt around him. Then Kai grabs the keys and heads to the front.
“Shhh,” Saxon whisper yells with his finger to his lips. “Jesse, bruv. I think Kai wants to bone you.”
My heart stops and there’s a whooshing in my ears as all ambient noise disappears and the only thing I can hear in surround sound is Kai climbing into the driver’s seat.
“You and Romi have always been prettier than me,” he continues, “And I see how he looks at you. Don’t worry… I don’t care.” Throwing himself back into his seat, Saxon tosses up his arms. “We all need somebody to love.”
My eyes bulge out of my head, and in complete abashed silence, I reach for the side door because there is no way I can sit next to Kai right now.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I look at the rearview mirror, meet his eyes, then dart mine away. “I’m not a taxi driver.”
Completely spineless and at the whim of my hormones, and Kai’s husky voice, I climb out of the van and slide the door shut. Choosing to walk the long way around the back of the van, I pause and fantasize about bashing my head against the rear window. I could knock myself out, then maybe the ground would swallow me up whole. That, or I’d end up in the hospital, in which case Saxon might forget about announcing his views on Kai wanting to dick me down…
The van remains silent as the lights of town disappear and the only thing visible is the road just in front of us.
“I guess at least you know he approves of me,” Kai says lightheartedly.
“Yeah… Sorry about that.”
“What the fuck for?” he laughs. “I just wish I’d been able to record it.”
I chuckle dryly because I have nothing else to do or say. Nothing productive anyway. I want to be around Kai, near him, in his thoughts. Anything. But there’s nothing I can do about the surge of dread that’s swelling in my guts.
“You having second thoughts?” he asks, reaching over and rubbing my thigh.
“Nah,” I try to answer as genuinely as I can. “Just got more questions for you is all.”
“Better get ready to take your clothes off, then. You need to make it worth my while.”
Cracking a smile, I punch him in the top of the arm, but before I can retract it, Kai grabs my wrist and brings my hand to his lap. I’m not sure how long I keep holding my hand in a fist, but at some point, I slowly uncurl my fingers until they are draped across his thigh.