Chapter 8
Louisiana
Today was the day, the day that my life began to change.
It was small things at first and try as I might to ignore them, they were ever present.
Charlie’s boss called him into work early this morning, and when he left he seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders.
We said our goodbyes, and Amy and I went about our day.
At the studio that night, Amy’s teacher told me she was going to be working with Amy on solo work, meaning she’d begin taking private lessons and another costume would be added to her list of needs.
She was old enough to compete in the mini solo division, and they thought she was ready.
I couldn’t say no. The look on Amy’s face said that she wanted this more than anything.
Dance had become our lives over the last three years, and I had a feeling it was only about to consume us more.
I spent countless hours sitting in the lobby while she took classes.
Some of the other moms would chit chat, others dropped their kids off and ran errands.
I didn’t feel comfortable doing that yet.
Amy was only seven. In fact, she’d just had a birthday but was the youngest in her class by two years.
Maybe in a few years I’d feel more comfortable, but not now.
As I paid for this month’s lessons, I calculated what I was going to need for this new routine, and the lessons involved.
I’m sure Charlie would complain about cost, but over the last year I’ve just not told him the total.
If he knew, I’m sure it would turn into a huge argument.
I mean, last year alone, I think I spent close to ten grand on dance.
With this new number, we’re looking at closer to fifteen this year.
“You think Daddy will come next weekend?” Amy watched out the window. We were on our drive home and I was trying to formulate a way to tell him about adding more dance classes to our list. I would be the one sacrificing time, so maybe I could lead in with that.
“I don’t know. You know Daddy has to work a lot to pay for dance. He had a meeting today so we’ll have to see if he has time this weekend.”
“Ok.” She sighed. I could tell that wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but after Charlie came to the last competition, it seemed to make her think it was going to become a regular thing.
“I know you like it when Daddy comes, but there’s going to be a lot of times he can’t, but I’ll be there.” I forced a smile. I understood where she was coming from, but I also understood Charlie’s stance on all of it. It was a thin line that I was used to walking.
When we got home, Amy took a bath while I prepared dinner.
Charlie didn’t get home until late. Amy had long gone to bed, and I was watching TV in the family room.
I saw the headlights shining through the windows as he came up the driveway.
He cut the engine, and then just sat there in the cab of the truck.
I waited, and when he didn’t come in, I peered out the window.
His head was down and it was like he just didn’t want to come in.
I turned off the TV and went into the kitchen.
I’d made him a plate of leftovers and put it in the microwave.
I began warming it and just as the microwave beeped, the door slowly opened.
Charlie stood there looking white as a ghost. His hair was disheveled, and part of his shirttail was hanging out.
His jacket was hanging over one arm while his briefcase was in the other hand.
He staggered into the kitchen and just stared at me. “What’s wrong?” I knew something was wrong just by the fact that he looked so lost.
He set his things down and went straight to the cabinet where he kept a bottle of whiskey.
He’d only drank it on special occasions.
He wouldn’t even look at me as he grabbed a glass and filled it with amber liquid.
His shoulders dropped as he carried the bottle and the glass over to the table and sat down.
“They laid me off,” he muttered as he lifted the glass to his lips and downed its contents.
I stood there stunned as he poured another from his seat at the table.
“George called me into his office after I landed the biggest deal we’ve had all year, and he fucking laid me off,” he growled as he slammed the bottle on the table.
My stomach dropped to my knees as his words echoed in the kitchen.
I wasn’t sure what to do, but I knew mentioning anything about dance would not be good right now.
I grabbed the warmed plate from the microwave and a fork and brought it over to him.
I set it down before taking the seat beside him.
I learned a long time ago that when Charlie was upset, it was better to just be there and not try to soothe him.
Telling him it would be ok just seemed to make it worse.
“I knew we were going to have a long day, so I made your favorite.” I pushed the plate of meatloaf closer.
“Thanks.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just really pissed off right now.” He stabbed at the plate, gathering a bite, and stuffed it into his mouth.
“I get it. You’ve been there for years. You’re one of their best salesmen. They did you dirty.” I placed my hand on his arm. He tensed at first but then seemed to realize that I wasn’t the enemy. “Did they give a reason?”
“Do you think they gave me a fucking reason? No!” he snapped. I stood up at that point and backed away from the table. I’d never seen him this upset. Not that I believed he would hurt me, but I wasn’t going to give him the chance either.
“I’m sorry you had a bad day. I’m going to bed.
” I left him there stewing in his frustration and anger.
I didn’t want to. In fact, I felt like this was something we needed to face together.
We needed to come up with a plan. We needed to talk about what this meant.
Didn’t we agree to be partners during the good and the bad when we married?
I was ready to face this, to make changes necessary, but I wasn’t going to stand there and be his punching bag.
I checked on Amy to make sure she was still sleeping before going into my room and getting ready for bed.
After slipping beneath the cool sheets, I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to take over before Charlie came to bed.
I didn’t want to fight, I wanted to fix things, but I needed him to want that, too.
Ooooooooo
I don’t know when he came to bed last night, but for the first in years I was the first one awake. When I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, Charlie was still snoring softly. I could smell the whiskey on him, and my stomach rolled in protest.
I made my way to the kitchen and started making breakfast. I wasn’t sure what today would look like with Charlie not going to work, but I knew I needed to go about my day as usual to give Amy the illusion that everything was fine.
I knocked on her door to make sure she was awake as I headed to the kitchen.
After turning on the coffee maker, I dropped two toaster waffles into the toaster and poured a glass of juice.
Amy rounded the corner with a brush in her hand just as the toaster popped.
I plated the waffles and placed them on the table with the juice before taking the brush from her.
“Pony or braid today?” I began brushing her hair.
It was long and thick, and she usually requested I put it up for school.
It was almost summer, and the temps lately had been brutal.
“Pony today.” She handed me a pink hair tie.
As I was smoothing her hair out, Charlie came stumbling into the kitchen.
His hair was sticking up in every direction.
He rubbed his eyes and yawned as Amy rushed over to hug him.
I released her hair knowing I’d be starting over as she squeezed him around the middle, saying good morning. “I missed you, Daddy.”
“Me too, baby girl.” He gave her a quick hug and then extricated himself from her grip.
“Come here and let me fix this so you can eat.” I motioned her over.
I began again smoothing her hair and twisted the pink tie around the pony before directing her to sit at the table and eat.
“There’s coffee if you want it.” I motioned to the coffee pot before rushing back to my room.
I needed to get ready for work since it looked like I’d be driving Amy to school today.
Normally Charlie takes her, but he didn’t seem like he was in any shape to do that today.
I rushed to get dressed, put on my makeup, and fix my hair.
I grabbed my bag with the campaign I’d been working on and then rushed back to the kitchen.
Charlie was sitting at the table with a coffee mug in front of him.
“Hurry up, sweetie, we’re gonna be late.
” I rushed her along before pouring my own coffee into a travel mug.
“Tell Daddy bye.” Amy jumped up and rushed to go brush her teeth.
When she came back out with her backpack, she gave Charlie a quick hug before rushing out to the car.
Once she was outside, I stared at him sitting there.
“I want to talk about last night when I get home from the studio tonight. We’re supposed to be a team here, and I feel like you’re shutting me out.
” I frowned. I was hurt that he was treating me this way.
“I know this is hard for you, but we need to talk about it together and decide what we’re going to do.
” I moved closer to him and leaned down to kiss his cheek.
“It’s gonna be ok,” I whispered before leaving.
Was it going to be ok? Could he pick up the pieces and move on? Was this more of the change I’d been seeing in him? He seemed to be checking out lately, and it scared me. I needed the man I fell in love with, not the shell of a man I’d learned to live with over the last few years.