Chapter 9
Louisiana
“Mama, do you think we could go see that new Disney movie this weekend?” Amy was rummaging through her dance bag. We were at the dance studio, preparing for another weekend of competition.
“I don’t know, sweetie. We’re going to be gone most of the weekend, and I have a big project at work.
” I was tapping away on my phone, trying to make sure that my newest client was happy with the mockups I’d submitted the day before.
I was back to full-time work now and trying my best to support the family.
Charlie hadn’t been able to find a steady job.
He’d had several offers, but none of them had really panned out.
Each time he got let go, he made an excuse as to why and they were never his fault.
“You’ve been working a lot.” She found the shoe she was looking for and slipped it on.
“I know, but dance is expensive, so I work so you can do this.” I waved my arm around.
“I know.” She frowned slightly before standing up. “I love it, though. I can’t imagine not dancing.” She leaned over and hugged me before bouncing away and disappearing down the hallway of classrooms.
Like clockwork, my boss called right as Amy disappeared, drawing my attention back to work. “Hey, Jon?” I slowly stood to make my way outside. It was noisy in the lobby area.
The warm summer heat hit me in the face as I stepped outside and walked around the side of the building. There was a small grassy area with a picnic table under it. Sometimes the older dancers would sit out here between classes.
“Hi, Lou. So, I’ve got some great news. Henry loved your mockups and wants to move forward with the project.” He sounded excited.
“That’s great.” I smiled and gave myself a little pat on the back. I’d worked really hard on this project, and knew that if I landed it, it could lead to bigger things.
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow to go over everything, and we’ll set up a schedule. There might be some late nights for this one. They want it done quickly so they can get on with a back-to-school campaign. I just want to warn you,” Jon added.
“I figured as much. I don’t think it will be a problem, though.
” The words tumbled out of my mouth without much thought.
I mean, Charlie was between jobs right now, so he could help out, right?
I’d never asked him to bring Amy to dance, but I would think he wouldn’t mind if I was busy, and he wasn’t.
“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow. Great job, Lou.” He hung up.
I stood there, just letting it all sink in.
When I’d quit before Amy was born, I never thought I’d go back.
Charlie had always thought I should stay home like both our mothers did when we were kids, but it’d been lonely since she’d started school.
I just did part-time gigs for a while, but when Charlie was laid off, I started pushing for more hours and bigger projects.
Someone had to pay for all these lessons, and Charlie seemed to not be motivated to do it.
Most days if he wasn’t at one of the menial jobs he’d found, he was lying on the couch watching TV and drinking.
Whiskey was his new best friend. At first, I tried to fix things.
I’d tell him it was ok, he’d find something, they just didn’t appreciate what he had to offer.
After many rants on his part about how undervalued he was, I gave up.
He was always the victim. No one understood, and drinking away his frustrations seemed to be the only thing he wanted to do.
I just wasn’t sure I could ignore it much longer.
When I came back inside, the girls were changing classes.
Amy was out by her bag tying her tap shoes as I weaved through the piles of belongings to get back to my seat.
“We’re learning something new for this weekend.
” She grinned up at me. “I’ll show you at home.
” She jumped up and ran after the other girls who were rushing back to class.
For the next hour, I sat there pondering how I was going to tell Charlie that I had to work late.
He’d have to provide dinner and rides next week for Amy.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that request was going to go over like a brick.
I could reach out to my mom, but my parents lived almost an hour away. That was a lot to put on them.
Time passed quickly, and before I knew it class was over. “You tired?” I brushed a few flyaways out of Amy’s face. She was sweaty and breathing hard.
“A little. Some of the steps are hard, but I know I can do it.” She smiled as she slipped on her shoes. “Can we get ice cream on the way home?”
“I think we can manage that.” I held my hand out and as she tossed her dance bag over her shoulder, she grabbed my hand with hers. We stumbled through the mess of shoes and bags until we got outside.
The sun was starting to set, and a light breeze was in the air.
When we reached the car, Amy climbed in and I started the engine.
It ran a little rough, but I wasn’t worried.
The one thing Charlie was obsessed over was my car.
He always checked it over to make sure it was running well.
“Let’s go to the diner, and we’ll sit outside since it’s nice.
” I smiled as I glanced over my shoulder.
“Ok. I want strawberry.” Amy crossed her arms over her chest and nodded.
Deb’s Diner had been around since I was a kid. My parents would bring my sisters and I here whenever we got a good report card. We’d get to pick a milkshake to share. I’ve carried on the tradition with Amy, but we’d come to celebrate all sorts of things.
When I pulled up, we both hopped out and Amy rushed ahead of me.
I heaved the heavy door open, and she ducked inside.
The cool air conditioning hit us, and we both shivered.
We walked up to the counter to order ice cream and then took our treats outside to the tables on the side patio.
They were chrome with red and white umbrellas over them.
The entire place was stuck in a time warp of the fifties.
It was nice though that some things hadn’t changed.
There was something about this place that made me feel like a little a kid again. “So, tell me about this new dance?”
Amy thought for a moment as she licked her cone.
“It’s got a lot of parts where we go up on our toes and in this one part, we slide.
” Her brow furrowed. “It’s really hard. Even Sara has a hard time with it.
” Sara was an older girl in Amy’s class.
They’d been dancing together for a couple of years and Sara usually picked up things quickly.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t do it, though.” I patted her leg.
“Yeah, it just means I’m going to have to practice a lot .” “They’re having an extra class on Friday to work on this number. Miss Amber says we’re going to stay until it’s right. I hope that isn’t too late.” She licked at her ice cream again and sighed. I could tell she was stressed over this.
“Dance is still fun for you, right?” I leaned down so I could look her in her eyes.
“Yeah, most of the time.” Her lips curled up and then straightened again.
“When it’s not fun anymore, you need to tell me. Ok?” I nudged her with my arm. I never wanted to be that parent who pushed their kid to do something they didn’t want to do. I kept bringing her to dance because she loved it.
“I will. I still love it, Mom. It’s just some days I’m tired, and I need a break.” Her head dropped. “Sometimes I don’t get to do the things that my friends do because I’m here.” She shrugged.
“I get that. I want you to dance for you, though. Don’t do this because you think it’s what I want you to do.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and hugged her to me. “Let’s finish up so we can go home and get you in a bath.” I laughed lightly.
“I’m so tired, I don’t know if I can stay awake that long.” She yawned just before she finished the last bite of her cone.
As we drove home, the sun was setting. It was a pretty summer night and made me remember all the times my sister Codie and I would run through the cornfields. Dad would have the farm hands out picking and we’d race around without a care in the world. I missed those days.
Ooooooooo
When we arrived home, the porch light wasn’t on.
Charlie’s truck was in the driveway, though.
I pulled up beside him and cut the engine.
As we climbed out, I could hear the crickets chirping filling the night with the sounds of summer.
I followed Amy as she climbed the front steps and opened the door.
I reached in and turned the light on before closing the door behind us.
Charlie was passed out on the couch with the TV on.
I shook my head as I directed Amy toward the bathroom.
“Come on. Get yourself in the tub. I’ll be in to help if you need it. ” I ushered her past Charlie.
“I can do it myself.” She brushed me off as she headed toward her room to put away her bag. When the door to the bathroom close and the sound of rushing water came on, I turned my attention to Charlie.
“You planning to sleep out here tonight?” I nudged his foot.
He rubbed at his eyes and stretched. “I fell asleep.” His voice was garbled.
“Are you drunk?” I scoffed. “Babe, this has to stop. What if Amy was out here?” I tapped my foot.
“She’s not!” He sat up, the words coming out louder than he planned, I think. “I had a rough day.” He leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees and pulling at his hair.
“Rough day?” I knew he was going for a second interview today, but I didn’t think he had anything else on his agenda.
“They low-balled me,” he growled as he looked around, I’m guessing for the bottle that I already put away.
“So, you turned them down.” I shook my head and started to walk away.
“What? You want me to work somewhere that doesn’t appreciate me? Somewhere where my boss thinks nothing of me?” His voice echoed through the room.
“I just want you to work,” I murmured.
“I’ll find something good. I’m not giving up.” He flopped back on the couch.
“Sure.” I turned, defeated, and walked away.
I wasn’t sure what to do at this point. Charlie and I have had our problems for some time, but I’ve never asked myself why I’m still here, and now I’m starting to do just that.
Why was I here? I loved him, sure, but was love enough?
Could love help me look past what was going on?
Could I love him enough to pull him out of whatever was holding him down? Did I even have the strength for that?
“Mama?” Amy’s head poked out of her room, her wet hair a tangled mess. “Can you help?” She held out a brush. Her eyes looked sad, almost like she’d been crying.
“Of course.” I changed directions and stepped into her room. She was wearing her favorite pink nightgown and holding her teddy bear to her chest. “Sit.” I patted the bed beside where I was sitting.
Amy sat down and folded her legs underneath her. “Is Daddy mad?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“I think Daddy’s just tired. Once he finds somewhere to work that he likes, things will get back to normal. He’s not mad at you, I promise. He loves you more than anything in the world.”
“Can you tell him I love him too?” She turned slightly and the look on her face just about broke me. What was I doing here?
“I will, but he knows.” I kissed the top of her head as I worked the last tangle out. “Let’s get you into bed. I know you’ve got a long day tomorrow to get ready for the weekend.”
I pulled back the covers and she slipped underneath.
After one last hug and kiss, I turned out the light and pulled the door closed.
I made my way into my room and began getting ready for bed.
Charlie was still in the living room. There was a time when I never went to bed without him.
We’d told each other that we’d never go to bed angry or alone when we first got married.
Now, I don’t even know if he cares anymore.
I can’t remember the last time we went to bed together, or didn’t have some type of argument, and again, I wonder— why am I here?