Chapter 11
Louisiana
I never thought in a million years I’d be back at home trying to pick up the pieces of what was my dream life. I’ve been back here slowly recovering and trying to make something out of the rubble.
“What are you thinking?” My sister, Codie, came up behind me and set a cup of coffee on the table. I’d come up to the guesthouse last night for some girl talk and ended up sleeping on the couch. Amy is with my parents in the big house.
“I think that I’m going to scream. He never cared before, why now?” I slammed the papers I was holding down, almost causing the coffee to slosh over the rim of the mug.
“He’s upset because he can’t control you anymore,” she murmured as she hugged me.
“You can stay as long as you want.” She stood up and went over to the kitchen.
I watched as she moved about, preparing breakfast. Hank and Jack were still sleeping.
It was Sunday, the one day the guys had off each week and I felt guilty intruding on their family time.
“I just wish he’d let it go.” I sighed. I filed for divorce three months ago.
After trying to make things work, I finally gave up.
Charlie had been clear that he wasn’t interested in being a dad.
The last time we tried to do something as a family, he showed up late and so drunk he could barely stand.
When he tried to drive with Amy in the car, that was it for me.
I took Amy and left. We both deserved better, and I was going to do whatever I needed to make it happen.
I moved back into my childhood home, and we’ve been here since.
It’s summer now, so dance is on hold until school starts back up.
Amy and Jack went to the same school, so she could catch the bus there, but the dance studio was on the other side of town from where we lived, so it was already a drive, and this is just going to be that much farther.
Yesterday, Charlie had me served with custody papers, claiming I was keeping his child from him.
I was, but with good reason. I didn’t feel that Amy was safe with him.
“He’s not going to let it go. If anything, he is the most stubborn man I know. He’s going to push and try to get his way until the judge lays down the law.” She began mixing batter in a bowl. “You wanna eat with us today?”
“I’ve imposed enough this week.” I frowned. I loved getting time with my sister, but she was a newlywed, and I felt bad always being there. I knew she deserved time with her little family too.
“Nonsense. You can eat with us, and maybe we can go swimming today. I’m sure the kids would love that.
” She smiled as she poured dollops of pancake batter on the hot griddle.
“Call down to the big house and have Amy come up here.” She gave me that look that said don’t argue.
She perfected it from our mother. I gave in and called for Amy.
By the time breakfast was ready, everyone was up. Jack came into the room rubbing his stomach. “Do I smell bacon?” He grinned.
“You sure do. Why don’t you set the table for us? Add two more. Aunt Lou and Amy are joining.”
“Is that bacon?” Hank rubbed his jaw as he approached Codie standing by the stove. “What is it with you guys and bacon?” I teased.
“It’s good,” he mumbled as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to his wife’s neck.
“Ugh,” Jack grumbled and rolled his eyes. “You guys are gross.”
“You won’t feel that way in a few years.” Hank chuckled as he lifted the plate of pancakes and carried them over to the table. As we all sat down, Amy came through the door. She had a sullen look on her face and refused to make eye contact.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I patted her knee as she took the seat beside me.
She lifted her eyes to meet mine and they began to fill with tears. “I don’t want to live with Daddy.” She started to cry. “I wanna stay here.”
“Why do you think you wouldn’t stay here?” I was confused. Charlie and I hadn’t had any discussions with her about anything yet. I’d tried to shield her from all of this.
“Daddy said so.” A lone tear fell and she wiped angrily at her eye.
“Honey, what are you talking about?” My heart started to race as the anger built inside me.
“Last night. After you came up here. Daddy called me. He said I needed to come stay with him. He said he’s the only one who can afford all the dance stuff, and you can’t take care of me. I think you take care of me great.” She broke down and threw her arms around me as she started sobbing.
“Oh, honey. You aren’t going anywhere.” I hugged her tightly. Codie stood and came around the table to stand on the other side of her.
“You have the best mom and she’s not going to let anything bad happen to you. Your daddy is just mad at her, so he’s not being very nice to people right now.” She rubbed Amy’s back.
“Why does he have to be so mean?” She sniffed.
“Sometimes grown-ups say things they don’t mean because they’re mad. They don’t think about the kids and how they hurt, too. Your daddy wasn’t always like this, and I think he just needs some time to accept these changes.”
Part of me was breaking apart inside, but I couldn’t let her see it.
I had to be strong, and I had to make sure that my daughter knew she was loved.
I knew somewhere deep inside Charlie loved her.
He wanted her before she was born. I think he just didn’t know how to be a dad, and he never really tried too hard.
His parents weren’t really involved when he was growing up, and you can’t learn without experience.
Charlie seemed to only want to be around Amy when it was convenient.
Now he wanted to be around because I didn’t want him there.
I was constantly fighting a battle. One that said he was her father and deserved to be in her life, and then I’d remember that he’d developed this need to drink lately.
It was always someone else’s fault, and I couldn’t subject my child to that.
“I’ll talk to Daddy. You aren’t going anywhere right now. I think we are doing just fine here. If he calls you again and upsets you, you need to bring me the phone and I’ll talk to him. Ok?” I hugged her and she nodded. “Now, let’s eat.” I smiled as Jack passed the plate of bacon.
“There’s bacon, Amy.” His eyes went wide, and we all laughed.
Ooooooooo
It was a hot day, and the idea of spending the afternoon at the creek swimming seemed like the best idea ever.
Codie and I packed a picnic basket while the kids gathered the tubes and other water toys.
Hank went out to mow the path down as there hadn’t been enough foot traffic to mat the grass yet.
On hot days like today, the snakes and other critters were known to sunbathe.
Seeing them before accidently stepping on them was a plus.
After gathering all our things, we began the ten-minute walk to the creek. The kids skipped along in front of us, and Hank, Codie, and I carried all the supplies. I pushed this morning’s conversation to the back of my mind and tried to enjoy the day.
When we reached the water, the kids and Hank rushed in, creating a cascade of water everywhere. Laughter and squeals filled the air, and it almost seemed normal. “You know it’s going to get better.” Codie nudged me in the side with her elbow as we spread out towels and sat down.
“I don’t think it could get worse. I can’t believe he said that to her,” I growled before punching the sand. I’d been telling myself that I wasn’t going to let Charlie ruin the day, but I was angry, and I needed to let it out.
“People will surprise you, especially when a child is involved. You know Mom and Dad will let you stay as long as you need to, but you can always leave Amy with me. Jack loves the company.”
“Thanks. I may have to do that when I job search. I wanna find something closer to here. I know driving to her dance class will be a haul, but I can move back this way and be closer to all of you.” I’d been thinking about it for a while.
I’d even mentioned to Charlie that I wanted to move closer to the farm.
His family didn’t have anything to do with us, and after his company let him go, we had no ties to Myers except dance.
I’m sure I could find a dance team closer to Sunnybrook, but Amy’s been with this team since she was five.
I feel bad making her give that up, too.
“You know, Carrie is looking for someone to help out with advertising at the flower shop. You should talk to her about it. You know she’d rather have family that she can count on than a stranger she knows nothing about.
” Codie smiled. I hadn’t even thought about that.
Carrie had mentioned at the wedding last year that she was looking for someone to take over.
She’d been doing it all herself, and it was just becoming too overwhelming.
“I’ll definitely talk to her. I think Mom is planning a family dinner this weekend.
Maybe I can get a few minutes to see if she still needs someone.
” I smiled and I think it was the first time in the last year that I actually was seeing the positive side of things.
Carrie’s flower shop was halfway between Myers and the farm.
It was the perfect location for me. I could use my old connections from my freelance jobs, and still be close to home.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you, dare I say, happy?
I’m glad something good is coming from this.
” Codie leaned over and hugged me. My big sister and I had been close since we were toddlers.
There were only a handful of years when I didn’t let her boss me around that we weren’t close.
Now, I thought we were closer than we ever were because we’d both suffered loss.
My loss wasn’t from death like hers, but it was still a loss.
Between the fighting and the anger, I was grieving for what I lost with Charlie.
I did love him fiercely at one time, but he changed, and so did I.
Now, I just hoped I could find happiness again along with something stronger.