Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Bayleigh
As I turn onto Main Street, I put on my big, dark sunglasses and straighten myself up as best as possible.
Not that this day could get any worse. My phone rings, and I pick it up to see Kelly’s picture on the screen.
I put it back in my bag. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
My mother was right; I am a waste of a life.
I spy a liquor store, and there is only a moment of doubt in my mind before I open the door and head inside.
I keep my eyes low as I pay for the whiskey and head back outside.
Max stands in front of me, blocking my path. “That’s not a good idea.”
I look up at his intimidating face. “It’s got nothing to do with you.” I try to sidestep him, but he blocks me again. “Get the fuck out of my way!”
“You hired me to protect you,” he reminds me, “and right now, the only person you need protecting from is yourself.”
“In that case, you’re fired! Now get the fuck away from me!
” From the corner of my eye, I see a couple look at us as they walk past. But nothing can stop me now.
Who the hell cares about a career? I’m nothing.
All I want is to numb this burning pain of unworthiness.
I want to fall asleep and never wake up again. I want an end to all this pain.
I push into Max’s shoulder and he lets me pass, but follows closely behind. As I walk, I unscrew the lid and raise the bottle to my lips.
Fuck everything. I allow the strong amber liquid to fill my mouth, then I gulp it down.
I wait for that feeling of oblivion to take over, and when it doesn’t come, I take another gulp. And then another.
My steps become a bit wobbly, and my mind has a nice dull feel to it. I look at the bottle, which is much lighter now.
I spy a grassy park and head over to it, then collapse on a park bench.
I close my eyes to stop the spinning of my vision.
I can hear the birds singing and the noise of children laughing in the distance.
I gulp down the rising bile bubbling in my stomach.
I don’t want to think about all the terrible things I have down. All the people I have hurt.
Like Chase. He deserves so much more than me. I’m no good for anyone. I’m a disease. A terrible, terrible person.
Chase is so good. He’s smart and kind and beautiful. He should get married and have lots of babies. Pretty blond babies.
I lose track of time as I cover my face against the sun.
My eyes burn again, but I refuse to shed any more tears. I reach for my bottle next to me, but it’s gone. “Who took my…?”
I open my eyes and a dark shadow looms in front of me.
“Chase?” Am I imagining it’s him? Surely that’s all this is. Just my stupid imagination.
“Bay, what have you done?” It is his voice. I blink and squint until his face comes into view.
He sits on the bench next to me and puts his arm around me. He feels so good and smells delicious.
I snuggle in close. I feel so safe and secure in his embrace. “Can we just stay like this forever?”
His fingers brush up and down my arm tenderly. “What happened?’
I squeeze my eyes together as a memory of my mother fills my vision. I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” he says, and his lips press against my forehead. I want more of his touch. So much more. I want to feel anything other than what I’m feeling now.
I want to feel . . . wanted.
I move until I find his lips and kiss him. He kisses me briefly, but then pulls back. “You’ve been drinking.”
I search out his mouth again, but this time he holds me away from him. “Why? Why would you do this?”
It all comes back to me then with sobering sharpness, and I feel like my heart is being sliced apart.
“My parents kicked me out because I killed Harper. They hate me. They blame me.” Anger rises through me. “It’s all my fault, isn’t it? I can’t do anything right!” I stand and the world starts to spin, but when Chase tries to help me, I push him away.
“Let me help.” The concern on his face reminds me of why I don’t let anyone too close.
“I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you.” I turn my back to him and take a steadying breath. I can’t drag Chase into this. No one should have to suffer with me. I can’t hurt anyone else. Especially not Chase. I’ve already hurt him too much. “We can’t do this, Chase.”
“Do what? Tell me, what is wrong?”
“This! You and me. Nothing can come of us. We live in totally different worlds, and I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t say that,” he says. “Let’s get some coffee and some rest. Everything will be better after some rest.” He pulls me against him, and I lean my head against his chest. I breathe in his earthy scent.
I love him. I have always loved him and I probably always will.
And that is why I must do the right thing. I push hard against him.
“No. You have to leave me. You can’t save me,” I cry. “You couldn’t then, and you can’t now.” His expression falls from hope and sympathy to anguish. I can’t stand to be the cause of his pain, so I start to walk away from him.
“That’s right. Fly away, songbird, just like you always do!” he yells at me, causing me to stop. He comes over to me then and stands in front of me.
I look around the park, grateful it’s deserted, so no one except Max is witnessing this.
“You always do this when things get hard. You always run away. Just tell me what happened. Let me in. Please, Bayleigh.”
I look into his beautiful eyes, and it breaks my heart to hurt him. “No, you deserve so much better than this.” A tear rolls down my hot cheek. “Let me go, Chase.”
One thing is for sure—our fling is over before it has ever really started.
Which is just as well. I’ve been kidding myself that it is only about sex, that the heat between me and Chase is all desire and lust. There is too much of the past mixed up in my attraction to him.
It would be very easy to let myself start to believe in something that would never be.
He releases his grip and I spin away from him before I can change my mind. I need to get away from him and from this town. Coming here was a huge mistake.