Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Chase
My head is throbbing on the drive back to the ranch.
Emotions are running wild, and I’m torn between wanting to scream at Bayleigh for being so reckless and wanting to hold her and tell her everything will be okay.
But honestly, I don’t know if it will be.
How can I possibly help someone who won’t help themselves?
The sting of her words makes my heart ache. There is so much pain still locked up inside her, and I want to help—I’m just not sure how. Now she has locked me out again. Her default when things get bad seems to be running away, and she’s doing it again. She’s pushing me away once more.
Maybe it’s for the best. When she left the first time, it put my life on an entirely different path.
I didn’t know what to do without Bayleigh.
She had been my reason—my north star. Without her, I was left to forge a life I had never expected to live.
The pain of not just losing the woman I loved, but the life we had planned to build together had just about killed me.
But I had made peace with it. I had rebuilt my life and found purpose working on the ranch.
But then she came back and busted down the walls I’d thought I’d built so strong.
She is the only one who can affect me like that, and I want to hate her for it.
I hate myself for being so weak where she is concerned.
I should have stayed away from her. I knew it would be trouble if I saw her again, but I couldn’t help myself.
Now I am paying for not trusting my gut and avoiding her.
I park my car outside the main house and head inside. I need to talk to someone about all this and I’ve always respected my mother’s opinion, especially when it comes to Bayleigh.
I open the front door and the smell of pot-roast cooking in the oven greets me. I ground myself in the familiarity and safety of this house. I see my mom come over to greet me as I toe off my boots, and the thought occurs to me how lucky I am to have this. Family. Even if it’s just my mom.
Bayleigh has no one. In fact, her mother hates her and blames her for the accident. How must that make her feel? I couldn’t even start to imagine.
“Are you okay?” Mom asks me. “You look pale. Come sit down. Dinner’s ready to be dished out.”
I take my seat at the dining table and watch her in the kitchen, serving the food. “I just saw Bayleigh. She’s not doing well.”
Mom pauses and looks at me. “It’s so horrible what happened to that family,” she says. “I always liked Bayleigh, and it was such a tragic accident.”
“Apparently she left because her mom told her to,” I explain. “Her parents kicked her out because she’d been driving.”
My mom sighs. “I knew there must have been a reason she left so suddenly. Especially without telling you.”
I put down my fork and lean on my elbows. “If she had come to me first, we could have taken her in, or I could have gone with her. I guess that’s the worst part. She just left. Ran away from her problems.”
“And it seems like that’s what she’s done ever since. Numbed herself with drugs and alcohol and whatever else she can find. Poor girl. That accident really turned her life upside down.”
“I don’t know how to help her. I don’t know if anyone can.” I sigh. I want to help her. I want that sweet, carefree girl back, but it seems that she is really gone for good and this new Bayleigh is just a shell of the person she used to be.
“She still wears my necklace, you know. That one I whittled for her.” I smile at the memory of finding it hanging safely around her neck.
My mom’s eyes widen to the size of saucepans. “The little songbird one? I remember how nervous you were to give her that.”
“I was scared she wouldn’t like it. But she had me put it on her and she swore she would never take it off. I’m kinda surprised it lasted this long,” I admit.
“It’s like your love for each other. It survives against all odds.” She rests her hand on my arm and squeezes. “Life was never meant to be easy.”
I look at my mom’s weather-beaten face. She looks older than her sixty years.
Farm life is not easy for anyone and my parents have struggled through the bad times like everyone else.
Droughts, fire, even tornedos have been challenges that my parents have overcome.
Plus the personal struggles. Mom endured three miscarriages, and a stillborn before finally bringing a baby to full term, only to have it die of infant death syndrome two weeks later.
The fact that I had come when they had given up all hope seemed a miracle, and they have taught me to appreciate every day and have faith in God and his plans.
I’m not the avid church-goer that my mom is.
I have my own disagreements with Him and his so-called plans. But I respect my mother’s choices.
Her faith helped her immensely when my dad died.
She still believes God wants her to keep the farm and not retire to a small house in town.
Then again, who would want to buy a desolate, drought-affected farm these days?
And even if someone did, the bank would take more from the sale than she would get, no doubt leaving her even worse off.
If God has a plan, I sure would like to know what it is.
I hug my mom tightly that night before heading back to my place. Even though I know she wouldn’t have stopped me from leaving Sweetgum Valley, having her here was a big reason behind why I didn’t move. I’ve lived here all my life, after all. I know my place in this town. It is safe; it is secure.
Bayleigh’s life is anything but. As much as I still have these crazy feelings for her, I am better off without her and all her drama.
I am fine on my own. I have a good life. I don’t need more than what I have. Do I?