Chapter 23
Sophia
S ophia had insisted she was fine when Sam offered to walk her to her truck.
She’d insisted he leave her alone when he’d asked if he could call her tomorrow.
And she’d insisted that she still didn’t have any feelings for him when he gave her those puppy dog eyes that were only part of the problem she currently faced.
Sam looked nothing like his brother. One must have taken after their mother while the other took after their father. They were both flirtatious in their own rights and charming as all get-out.
Maybe that was why she’d been drawn to Sam four years ago. There was something familiar about the way Sam was.
The tears had stopped falling long ago, but her pillowcase was still saturated with them.
Today couldn’t have gone worse if she’d tried to make it so.
She’d wanted to sit down with Cameron and tell him how proud she was about the changes he was trying to make before she brought up the idea of therapy.
She’d wanted to assure him she’d be with him every step of the way.
Most of all, she hadn’t wanted to walk away from him without looking back.
Her chest ached. Her eyes burned. And based on the way her mouth felt, she could have spent the last week in the middle of the desert.
The things he’d said to her resonated in her chest and bounced around painfully in her head. While she didn’t regret what she’d said to him, she did regret one thing.
It would have been smart to tell Sam about Cameron right from the start. There really hadn’t been any excuse. He’d brought up dating life. She could have easily told him that she’d found someone to fall in love with.
Why hadn’t she?
The question haunted her. She cared for Cameron.
More than that, she loved him. She knew as much based on the empty feeling where her heart should be.
And yet, she still struggled to commit to him in the way most healthy individuals did.
Most people shouted it from the rooftops when they found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.
Did that mean she didn’t want that?
Had she been alone for so long that she’d forgotten what it felt like to want that in her life?
Perhaps.
Maybe she still wasn’t ready to commit to someone.
Sophia shut her eyes tight, hating how selfish it felt to be… her .
Emma was right. It wasn’t just the people who had anger issues who needed therapy.
Something was wrong with her, and deep down she wasn’t sure she wanted to fix it.
That thought terrified her for no other reason than the fact that she’d have to look Cameron in the eyes and tell him that she still needed him.
A soft knock sounded at her bedroom door before it opened. Roman’s head popped inside, and he stared at her with concern. “Someone’s here to see you.”
“No,” she muttered.
“But you don’t know who?—”
“I know exactly who it is, and I don’t want to see him.”
Roman withdrew for a moment, then entered the room and shut the door behind him. He leaned against it with folded arms, his frown deepening. “As much as I want to play the overprotective brother right now, I feel it’s my duty to tell you that Cameron seems legitimately sorry.”
She scoffed and turned her back to him, facing the other wall instead. “Where have I heard that before?”
His footsteps shuffled along her plush carpet, then the mattress dipped, and he sighed. “It’s not just that he’s sorry. I’m worried about you. Even if you don’t want to resolve this with him, you need closure. And then there’s Mateo to think about.”
She scowled. “Yeah. I bet Mateo is thrilled this turned out exactly how he predicted. Let me guess. You’ve had to hold him back so he didn’t march in here and tell me I’m irresponsible and now I’m disowned or something.”
There was silence for a moment. Longer than a moment. She turned over and glanced at him over her shoulder just to see if Roman was still there.
Her brother wasn’t looking at her. He was staring at a spot on the wall, his brows furrowed.
“Roman?”
Slowly, he turned his attention to her. “He isn’t going to leave until you speak to him.”
“He will if you give him the same courtesy he gave his brother yesterday.”
The mere fact that Roman didn’t look confused or surprised by her statement made it perfectly clear that he was aware of what had transpired in town yesterday.
Her scowl deepened, and she folded her arms as she stared up at her ceiling.
They remained like that, in silence for longer than they probably should, based on what her brother had said.
“I’m not going out there,” she muttered at last.
“You really should.”
She shook her head, the tears she thought had dried up pricking behind her eyes. “I can’t,” Sophia whispered.
“What if I go with you?”
She huffed. “That wouldn’t make it better.”
He reached for her, prying her hand from her folded arms. When she finally looked at him, she noted the open concern in his gaze. “Playing devil’s advocate… maybe you shouldn’t make any rash decisions right now. Both of you are hurting.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending him.” Sophia attempted to pull her hand free, but her brother’s grasp was too tight.
“I’m not defending him. All I’m saying is that life is complicated. It’s messy. And until you both explore every possible avenue, you shouldn’t give up. I’ve seen the way the two of you are together. I can see how much you love each other.”
Her eyes slid to meet his.
Love.
There was that word again. Cameron had said he loved her. She’d wanted to believe it. She’d wanted to tell him she loved him, too. But something had held her back. It was like she was scared doing so would give him a piece of her heart she’d never get back.
“Just… talk to him. Okay?” Roman pleaded.
Sophia wanted to assure her brother that his words had helped, but she couldn’t do that either. Nothing would fix this. And the fact that Cameron was here without first doing what she’d asked meant he hadn’t heard her when they’d last spoken.
Roman rose from the bed at the same time as she did.
When he moved to follow her down the stairs, she held up a hand.
The last thing she wanted was for him to witness her severing the ties that connected her heart to Cameron’s.
It was for the best. And no number of second, third, or fiftieth chances was going to change that.
Sophia found Cameron sitting on the porch with his head in his hands. His hair was mussed so much it looked like he’d been tossed into a tornado. He snapped to his feet the second he heard the door shut.
Based on the bags under his eyes and the look of utter exhaustion on his face, she’d have to guess he hadn’t slept at all last night.
Turned out they could still have something in common.
She grasped her hands at her back and stayed next to the door. She told herself it was because she wanted a quick escape if things went south, but the truth was more depressing. All she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and beg him to agree to her terms so they could be together again.
Sophia’s hands itched to run through his hair. Her arms ached to wrap around his neck. She needed to kiss him, to assure not only him but also herself that everything would be okay.
But it wouldn’t.
“Sophia,” he rasped, taking a step closer.
She gave a sharp shake of her head and was relieved when he remained on the step where he stood. Her legs trembled but not as much as her voice. “We can’t keep doing this to ourselves,” she whispered.
He stepped closer again but then stopped himself. “I know you’re upset. We both were?—”
“This goes further than just being upset.” Sophia fought the tears that threatened to spill again. “This is me finally accepting that the only way we’re going to have a chance to come out of this as better people is if we work on ourselves. We can’t do that when we’re together.”
“What are you saying?”
She shut her eyes to fight the mounting frustration.
Forcing her voice to remain level, she said softly, “You know what I’m saying.
I said it as plainly as I could yesterday.
” She opened her eyes, and a tear tumbled down her cheek.
“We’re toxic when we’re together. We’re jealous and maybe a little vindictive.
Honestly, I’m surprised we lasted as long as we have. ”
“Those were just bad days,” Cameron attempted with a broken voice. “I’ll do better.”
Sophia shook her head. That’s just it. I want you to do better, but you can’t when you’re so focused on me.” This time she moved to the edge of the porch so they were eye-to-eye, with him a step lower. “We need to break things off.”
Cameron reached for her hand, and she let him. He laced his fingers between hers, staring at the way they were connected when he whispered, “I can’t live without you. We’re meant to be together. I know it in my heart.”
“Maybe.”
He lifted hopeful eyes to her, but he must have seen the resignation on her face because that hope was decimated in a matter of seconds.
“But not right now. We both have to work on ourselves first.”
Muscles feathered in his jaw as he continued to stare up at her.
For a moment, she expected him to lash out, to yell at her, scream, throw a tantrum like he had at the park.
But he didn’t. Cameron simply released her hand and took a step down to put space between them.
“So this is what you want. To be free of me.”
No. She didn’t want that. Sophia wanted Cameron more than she’d wanted anyone else—even more than she’d wanted Brent.
But she couldn’t say that now. She couldn’t give Cameron any reason to believe that there was another option beyond this breakup.
In her heart, she knew they both needed this space.
They needed to heal that broken part of their souls that made it so difficult to have a healthy relationship.
Then maybe, when enough time had passed, they would find each other.
She wrung her hands before her as she watched him shake his head and retreat even farther. The distance didn’t just come physically. She could sense it emotionally, too. He was breaking. So was she.
And maybe this was like setting a broken bone. They needed to break one more time before they could be set right and heal properly.
“Goodbye, Cameron,” she whispered. He probably didn’t hear her.
Sophia’s eyes followed him as he stalked toward his truck. He shut his door with far too much strength, and she winced. Then he peeled out of the driveway and his truck disappeared from view.
He still had a contract. They’d still have to work together.
Well, shoot. Mateo had been one hundred percent right.