Chapter 25
Sophia
“ I can’t believe I let you drag me out here,” Sophia said to Camilla. Her sister had insisted that she just wanted to get something to eat at the restaurant in the country club. She’d put Sophia on a huge guilt trip to do it, too.
“You and I both know that you needed to get out of the house,” Camilla said over the music coming through the speakers in the ballroom.
“I get out of the house,” Sophia scoffed.
“I don’t mean those horse rides you’ve been taking,” her sister said pointedly. “You’ve been miserable.”
“Gee. Thanks,” Sophia deadpanned.
Camilla nudged her and gestured to the large gathering that had come out to the club for dancing.
An upbeat country song played and most everyone had found a partner to swing them around the dance floor.
Her sister had a wide smile on her face.
“I told Emma to meet us here, too. You don’t have to be alone.
And you don’t have to hang out with any guys.
” Camilla wrinkled her nose. “It can be a girls’ night. ”
It had been a couple weeks since Sophia had ended things with Cameron, and based on what she could tell, he wasn’t making any efforts to improve himself.
He hovered at the ranch, his eyes always finding her wherever she was.
He’d had a few talks with her brothers—none of which her brothers felt she needed to bother herself with.
Sophia, on the other hand, had done what she’d insisted Cameron do. She’d found a therapist who could help her through the scars of her past—those that made it hard for her to give herself completely to a relationship.
There were days she felt like she was returning to normal. Then something would happen, and she’d feel the pain of losing Cameron all over again. She hated the good days just as much as she hated the bad ones—mostly because she knew they wouldn’t last.
Her heart still ached for Cameron. She wanted nothing more than to run back into his arms and give him the second chance he wanted. Maybe this time would be different.
But then she reminded herself that if Cameron wasn’t willing to do the work, nothing would change. It was hard—seeing a therapist—harder than Sophia had anticipated. But it was helping.
Someone pulled on her arm, and she glanced over at her sister. “Come on. Let’s get out there. You need to laugh and smile again.”
Sophia rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, Camilla. I don’t need to dance to feel better.”
Her sister placed her hands on her hips. “If it was Emma who was dealing with a breakup, what would you say?”
“I’d ask her what she needed and make it happen.”
“Don’t lie. I can always tell when you’re lying. You’d tell Emma that she needed to get back out there, and if she didn’t listen to you, you’d make her do it.”
Camilla wasn’t wrong, but Sophia wasn’t about to tell her that. It would ruin any chance of going home early.
Placing a hand to her stomach, Sophia pretended that it was unsettled. “I ate too much. I don’t think I can?—”
With a groan, Camilla yanked Sophia’s arm and tugged her toward the dance floor without another word.
Sophia had no choice. Her first movements were stilted and heavy.
She didn’t feel like dancing. She just wanted to crawl under the covers and pretend that the last several months hadn’t happened.
She’d been just fine before Cameron had entered her life.
But as much as she hated to admit it, she couldn’t deny that even though he’d made things difficult at times, she still loved him.
She ached for him. For that smile. For his warm hugs. For every kiss and knowing look that passed between them.
The dance was torture. Sophia barely made it through without wanting to dart for the door and call herself an Uber. But then she felt it.
She felt him .
Despite the room being crowded, she could sense that Cameron was there. She didn’t know how he figured out she had come tonight—then again, she wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been watching her. He seemed to constantly be doing that.
Her gaze flitted through the room, darting from corner to corner, group to group, until they landed on him.
His eyes locked with hers from where he leaned against the wall with his arms folded.
His face was a mask of utter unreadability, but those eyes said so much more.
How was it possible that in his eyes, she could see the desire, the pain, and the hope he had swirling all at once?
No other eyes had been nearly as expressive as his.
She took a step in his direction, then halted, shook her head, and spun away from him. She moved off to join the group Emma and Camilla were in. They were talking animatedly about a tour Emma’s manager wanted her to take next year.
“You have to go.”
Emma laughed. “And what would I do with my kid? I can guarantee that Caleb won’t let me go alone. There is literally no way.”
Camilla shrugged. “I’m sure we could figure out something. You married into one of the biggest families there is here. And my family wouldn’t be totally against babysitting.”
Their eyes found Sophia, and Camilla frowned.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Sophia nearly told them that she felt like she had.
She was so tempted to point out the reason for her unease but thought better of it.
She knew they wouldn’t do anything to make matters worse.
They were her cheerleaders. If Sophia had told them she wanted to give it another try with Cameron, they’d probably tell her to go for it while at the same time telling her to be careful.
That’s not what she needed right now.
She needed someone to help her keep a clear head. The second Cameron spoke to her, she knew she was a goner. She wasn’t strong enough for this.
Sophia shook her head and swallowed hard.
“Do you need to go home? Are you sick?” Emma questioned.
Again, Sophia shook her head. “No, but I think I need to get some air. I’ll be right back.”
She realized her mistake the second she reached the railing of the balcony off the dance floor.
“Sophia,” Cameron’s low, husky voice reached her, sending all kinds of chills and goosebumps rippling on her body.
Squeezing her eyes shut as tight as she could, she forced herself not to react to him. She couldn’t let her guard down. She wouldn’t.
“Sophia,” he pleaded. “Can we talk?”
She pressed her lips together tight, her teeth biting into them as she considered all her options. She could dart away from him, head back inside and demand that Emma or Camilla take her home. She could sit there and ignore him. She could face this head-on and do her best to remain strong.
She’d missed him so much. It wasn’t fair that he was here, asking her to speak to him.
His fingers grazed her upper arm, and she jerked backward.
The pain in his eyes was knee-buckling.
“What do you want, Cameron?” She’d tried sounding sharp and angry, but the question came out as more of a whimper.
“I want another chance?—”
Sophia shook her head. “I can’t do that. We can’t do that.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “I’ve given you space. I’m working on myself?—”
“Are you seeing someone? A therapist?”
The way his expression hardened was all the answer she needed.
“Cameron, we can’t.”
His brows pulled together, but rather than anger, she saw concern. He reached toward her and miraculously, she didn’t retreat. The calloused pad of his thumb wiped at the apple of her cheek, brushing a tear from her skin. Her breath shuddered as his eyes returned to meet hers. “You’re upset.”
The pain and loss of it all had consumed her for so long that all she had left was anger. She swatted his hand from her face. “Of course I’m upset. I’m heartbroken. Because I want nothing more than to be with you. I love you, Cameron?—”
“Then give us a chance.”
“Don’t you understand? The cycle will only continue.
Sure, you could make little improvements now on your own, but eventually…
” She heaved a sad sigh and forced herself to meet his eyes with a steady stare.
“Eventually you’ll revert back to the person that you’re most comfortable with.
Unless you’re willing to make a change, develop better habits, nothing is going to stick. ”
She wasn’t innocent in all of this either, but at least she’d seen what she needed to do to fix it.
Making time for therapy wasn’t easy. It was tedious, and sometimes it didn’t feel like she was making any progress on her healing.
But she planned to stick with it. She still had insecurities that flared up.
His frown turned into something of a scowl. Cameron might not be voicing it, but he clearly didn’t believe he needed help.
There was nothing she could do to change his mind. It hurt knowing that if she chose to wait for him, she might be left hanging indefinitely.
Before he could get past her weakening defenses with his touches, his smile, or those pleading eyes, she brushed past him.
Emma and Camilla weren’t where they’d been seated before.
And Sophia could feel Cameron’s presence behind her as she headed into the crowd.
A slow song started, and her heart pounded angrily in her chest. She was desperate.
She couldn’t be stuck dancing with him. One touch was all it would take to melt her hardened heart like butter.
She latched onto the first cowboy she found. “Want to dance?”
His surprise was short-lived.
As was her relief when he agreed.
Ugh! She’d resorted to being with another guy in front of Cameron. Again.
Only this time, it wasn’t to feed off his jealousy. This was out of self-preservation.
The stranger slipped his hands around her waist and smiled at her. He was objectively attractive and that flirtatious smile only added to it. He had brilliant blue eyes that normally would have had her pulse fluttering.
But all she could think about were the dark eyes that were drilling into the side of her face. Cameron wasn’t in the middle of the dance floor. He leaned against the wall at the side of the room. When she glanced at him, she noted his stiff stance and his arms folded tight at his chest.
He continued to stare at her, his jaw flexing. A girl approached and Sophia looked away. Cameron didn’t belong to her anymore. He could dance with another girl even if the thought of it made her sick to her stomach.
She was such a hypocrite.
When she glanced in his direction once more, she found he hadn’t left with the girl. She was gone, but he remained. What was he trying to express? That he would rather be alone and miserable, watching her in someone else’s arms, than try something new with someone else?
No. She couldn’t believe that.
The Cameron she knew was obsessive, and he simply hadn’t found a new plaything to focus his obsession on.
He didn’t bother coming up to her when the dance ended. In fact, he kept his distance. He didn’t even dance with anyone else.
The worst part was that every time she took on another dance partner, she saw the emotions warring in Cameron’s eyes—even from where she stood on the dance floor. There was pain—heartache—in those eyes of his. Perhaps she saw a little bit of fury, as well.
And it wasn’t until she made it home and was lying in her bed staring at the ceiling that one thing became clear in her head.
She’d gone over the night again and again. One thing stood out.
Cameron had been restrained.
He hadn’t cut in to any of her dances with other men. He hadn’t lost his temper. He hadn’t put her down for letting another guy hold her during a slow song.
Sophia sat up in bed and leaned against the headboard.
His behavior was so different from what she was familiar with.
While he hadn’t gone out and found a therapist, he was still working to better himself.
She knew from experience how hard it must have been for him to simply stand back and watch as she attempted to move on.
Guilt coursed through her veins. She didn’t owe him anything. She shouldn’t be experiencing these feelings. Cameron had dug his hole. She’d given him the tools to get himself out, and he was still refusing.
And yet, there was a trickle of hope in the despair that she felt over losing what she’d had.
She groaned, placing her head in her hands. She couldn’t falter. She couldn’t show weakness. This was for the best. Cameron needed to want to make the change in order for it to stick.
She just hoped that when he found that better part of himself, he wouldn’t hold this against her.