16. Summer
Chapter Sixteen
Summer
T he anger surges through me, burning bright and furious. I feel it reverberating through my bones, and the feeling of it is intoxicating. This feels different from before I went to Eden. Before it would start to wane the second it ignited, but now it flows strong and fierce, building in intensity.
“Get fucked,” I spit at him, letting the fire run rampant through me, allowing the heat of it to fuel me.
He scoffs, his smug aura smothering me. “If you really hated me, little fae, you’d try to force me out, but you enjoy seeing me,” he says, his tone rough and filthy.
“I already forced you out. You came back,” I snarl, his arrogance only feeding my rage. “Get away from me.” The words singe my tongue, but I love it.
His answering chuckle is dark, and it sends a delicious shiver down my spine, one that I channel into my hatred. “Try again.”
Another laugh echoes through the cave. This time it’s Aqua’s, and the fear creeps back in, depriving my anger of oxygen.
The stranger waves his hand, and the dream collapses around us. “Try again,” he growls into the darkness.
I claw for those last remaining embers floating within me. “I fucking hate you,” I growl back.
I lurch up on the couch, and sweat drips into my eyes, making them sting.
Frowning, I brush it away, the muscles in my arms quivering with the simple movement.
My whole body aches as if I’ve been through the most intensive workout of my life, and my lungs burn like they do when I’ve been running for hours.
Alice is still snoring softly beside me.
My nightmare didn’t wake her, which means I wasn’t screaming.
My frown deepens, and I slowly extract myself from her before going upstairs, taking care not to look at Connor’s door.
I walk into my room and stop, wondering if I accidentally went to the wrong room.
I step back into the hall to double-check, but no, this is Rafe’s old room, now mine, but it has been redecorated again.
Alice must have done it while I was gone, to distract herself from being here alone and beside herself with worry for me.
I step into my closet, and I’m not even a little surprised to see all the new clothes.
Alice must have been desperate to fill her time without me here.
My gaze is drawn to a pair of dark blue yoga pants, and I brush my fingers over them, enjoying the buttery feel of the fabric.
I pull them free from the hanger, along with a matching sports bra and slimline, lightweight jacket.
Quickly changing, I step in front of the mirror and slide my hands over my hips.
The last time I wore anything this fitted was months ago, yet I’m pleased to see that my body has filled out a little, not as much as I’d like, but it’s better.
The halo warms a little, and I glance at it, still wondering if I’m imagining it or not.
I reach for a pair of white running sneakers and pull them on, taking this one step at a time.
I haven’t worked out in a long time, and while my limbs and muscles ache, I have an overwhelming urge to move my body.
The last time was the morning I was kidnapped, the day Connor was?—
I close my eyes and try to push the image of him lying on the ground, bruised, broken, and bloody, from my mind. But when I open my eyes, the image lingers, making my stomach roil. I shake my head and push past the nausea, leaving my room.
I consider taking my headphones but I want to be alert the whole time, aware of my surroundings.
Though if I couldn’t fend off Aqua when I was fit and well trained, now that I’m weak and feeble, I’ll be even easier prey.
My will falters, and I hesitate, fear nearly paralyzing me again. Aqua is dead. I should be safe now.
She’s dead, and you’re safe .
I repeat the words over and over as I walk through the living room, leaving a still-sleeping Alice.
Once outside, I skip down the steps and push into a run.
The sun has already warmed the morning air, and I try to settle into a rhythm, but as I chant my internal mantra about being safe, a lingering feeling niggles at the back of my mind.
Am I safe? Torin is still out there, though there has been no sign of him in months.
This is the longest he’s been absent. No, not absent, just hidden.
I knew I would never truly be free of him, not until one of us was dead.
Then there was Aqua, who had mentioned other like-minded individuals who also wanted to see my demise.
She could have been making that up or even imagining it.
She wasn’t exactly mentally stable, given that she was attempting to make a Summer skin-suit to live as me.
I shake my head again and try to focus on my breathing, the birds singing high in the trees, and the way the flowers have opened to show their faces to the sun.
When that fails, I notice my legs feel like lead and jelly simultaneously, and my lungs feel tight.
I have become decidedly unfit thanks to months of rotting in that dark pit of despair.
I have no destination in mind, but I suddenly realize that I am following the path that leads to the gym and stumble to a stop. I may not know where I’m going, but I know one of the last things in this world I want is to see Maximillian Romulus’s face.
Deliberately changing course, I pay more attention and set a course that will have me circling the quad.
I try to lose myself in the run, but I feel so sluggish.
I’m unsure whether it’s purely due to my new lack of fitness or to last night’s nightmare.
It takes what feels like an eternity, but I eventually feel the tingle of endorphins.
My cheeks burn and my lungs ache with every labored breath, the sound of my blood pumping loud in my ears.
My body is struggling with the sudden exertion, and I am distracted enough that I don’t notice when someone approaches from the side.
He clears his throat, gently alerting me to his presence so as not to startle me.
I glance over, seeing Headmaster Emrys’s large frame running alongside me.
He is actively trying to keep pace with me, and I focus ahead again, pushing myself a little more.
The last time I saw him, I was broken, a crushed shell of a being, and now? I’m still broken, but I’m slowly trying to glue myself back together. I am not doing so for my sake, but for my family’s. The family that needs me. It’s what Connor would have wanted.
I increase my speed, for some reason not wanting to seem weak in front of the headmaster.
His hard silver gaze lands on me. Is he?.
.?. challenging me? I can’t tell for sure, but I push myself even harder, running as fast as I can.
He matches my pace, though I can tell he’s still holding back, and I have absolutely no idea why.
We breeze between two trees, and by some unspoken agreement, we slow to a stop. He’s barely winded, but I bend and brace my hands on my thighs, struggling to regain the oxygen that has abandoned my lungs.
He keeps watching me, and when I look up at him, his arms are crossed over his chest. “You decided to live.” I glance away, unable to hold his icy stare. “I’m glad,” he says.
Surprised, I straighten and meet his gaze again.
“I take it your time in Eden was?.?.?. healing?” he asks. I wonder briefly how he knows, but no doubt the faculty was tracking my prolonged absence. Then another concern hits me like a train. Have I missed too much to be allowed back?
“It was,” I reply, unsure how to ask about my standing at Avalon, afraid of the answer. But then another question pops into my mind, and I look down at my hand, my thumb sliding over my ring finger. “Do you have it?”
With his cold gaze still on me, he assesses me. “Have what?” he asks.
“My ring.” My engagement ring. I had asked him to retrieve it for me.
The hours, days, months since Connor’s death seem to have blurred into a mess of sadness, but I remember that visit.
It was the same night it happened, and I was still covered in blood, my wounds uncared for. I wouldn’t let anyone come near me.
The headmaster enters the house, and I look up at him. His face is grave, sullen?.?.?. angry. His eyes lock on me. The tears have stopped. They stopped a while ago, and only numbness remains.
“Miss Tuatha De Daanan ? —”
“Did you kill her?” I interrupt, my voice raw from screaming.
He nods once, his eyes never leaving mine, and I hold his gaze easily right now.
“I hope it was slow, agonizing.” I don’t even recognize my voice, the venom warping it, but there is something sharply sweet about the words.
He watches me for a long moment until I feel the scald of someone’s hands on my arm, and I snarl, yanking away. I whirl on my attacker and see Alice’s brown eyes on me. They’re shining with pain and wide with terror. At least, I think that’s what it is .
Good, she should be afraid of me.
I turn and start up the stairs. “I want my ring off her finger, and I don’t care if you have to rip it off.”
His eyes harden, and I wonder if he is remembering how evil I seemed, how spiteful.
That night, they saw a shadow of the darkness that writhes within me, and they were all terrified.
I was only able to unlock a fraction of what I possess in that moment, and I wonder how they would feel beneath the full weight of my power unleashed.
“It’s in my office.”
I nod. “I’d like it back.”
He thinks for a moment. “Will you be attending class tomorrow?” he asks, unwittingly answering my unasked question.
“I think so,” I reply. Honestly, I hadn’t considered it. I planned to start attending classes again, but truthfully, the thought fills me with dread. It is one thing to plan to attend, another to actually do it.
“Come to my office before.”
I nod, hoping that the thought of getting my engagement ring back will be enough of an impetus. Either that, or it will feed my anxiety and heighten my trepidation.
“Until our next race,” he says, dismissing me. I push into a run again, this time going toward Morningstar House. My legs feel like they’re wobbling beneath my weight, and I’m struggling to make sure I don’t fall over in front of Headmaster Emrys and completely embarrass myself.
When I walk into the house, Alice is still stretched out on the couch. She blinks when she sees me and then sits up suddenly. “Running?” she asks, surprised.
I nod and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator, taking a deep drink. My body feels ruined, but my head feels clear, and I feel well.
Alice watches me for a moment, and I realize she was probably anxious the whole time I was away. Not only would she still be concerned with my sudden disappearance to Eden, but she is not used to me functioning without her.
She gets up and joins me in the kitchen. “Coffee?” she asks.
“I’m going to shower first,” I say, and she gives me a small but hopeful smile.
On my way to the stairs, I open the drawer where I tucked away my phone and take it upstairs to charge. Farrah needs to be able to reach me, and I need to be able to reach them.
I feel much better after showering and changing, and I skip back downstairs to join Alice. Not only has she made a pot of coffee, but also some sort of breakfast pastry. I sit on the couch, and she sits next to me, practically bouncing in anticipation. I glance at her.
“This place sucks without you,” she says. I can tell it’s not what she actually wanted to say, but she’s trying not to scare me. She’s treating me as if I am something fragile and easily broken. “Awful,” she continues. “And men are stupid, and I don’t respect them.”
“Well, that makes me wonder what you’ve been up to for the last two weeks. Fill me in?” I ask, pulling my legs up to cross them as I sip my coffee.
“Literally nothing. It’s been so boring.”
“You’ve not been out in almost two weeks?” I ask, a little surprised.
“I know. I’ve actually”—she feigns a gagging sound—“studied.”
My eyebrows inch up my forehead.
“Alice Legosi is in a party slump.”
I sit back a little, and Alice moves in closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder. We sit in silence for a moment before she asks, “You’re wearing his halo?”
I nod and look down at the gold bangle. I know this is probably what she wanted to ask earlier. “He wanted me to have it.”
Alice hesitates for a second before asking, “Will it keep you safe?”
It’s the same question she asked about the necklace. I lied to her then because I believed it would, but Aqua had outwitted it.
“I’m not sure,” I reply honestly. “I’ve not really done anything with it, but?.?.?. it’s a piece of him.”
Alice tentatively reaches out to touch it, but stops as if waiting for permission. I hold it out for her, and she rests her fingers against the shining gold. “You going to keep her safe, birdbrain?”
The halo hums. It is very strong this time, and I know I’m not imagining it. Alice and I both jump a little and sit up, looking down at it with wide eyes.
“Did it?—”
“You felt that, right?” Alice asks at the same moment.
“I did.” I brush my fingers over the gold.
“Ask it something else,” Alice urges .
I take a breath. “Connor? Is that you?” I ask, hoping so fiercely that it is.
The halo hums once, strong and clear like the last time, and I gasp.
“Ask another.”
I swallow, emotions welling inside me. “Are you?.?.?. okay?” I ask. It’s a stupid question. He’s dead, but if he’s in the afterlife, maybe he’s?.?.?. at peace.
The halo hums again.
“Maybe one hum for yes?” Alice ponders. “Did you cheat when we played darts?” she asks.
The halo hums twice, and Alice’s lips twitch.
A tear slides down my cheek, and I stare at the halo. He gave me a way to communicate with him.
“We miss you, birdbrain,” Alice whispers, a sob choking her words.
“I love you.”
The halo hums three times succinctly, and I know he’s saying he loves me too.
It hums once more, but this one is fainter, and I can tell that he’s leaving for now, wherever he is.
“Well, either there is still some of him in the halo, or it’s possessed by a demon like in those movies. He did lie, cause we all know he lied about darts. Either way, I say we take it,” Alice says wetly.
One of my tears falls and bounces off the gold, and my best friend and I cry together again. This time, instead of her holding both of us together, I hold her as she holds me, and both of us break.