17. Summer
Chapter Seventeen
Summer
I am not sure how long we sit there, holding each other together long enough that the sun has made its journey from east to west, but Alice eventually pulls back and cups my cheeks, brushing the tears away.
Her own face is tearstained, but as she has for the past four months, she takes care of me before she takes care of herself.
“Okay. We will not be depressed bitches on the couch. We’re going to be depressed bitches in the club.”
I blink. “Wait, what?”
“We should go out tonight,” Alice says, dragging her hands over her face, her voice still thick with emotion.
The thought makes me feel weird, not uncomfortable or sad, but weird. “Al?—”
“I know,” she interrupts, rubbing her hands over her face again, looking as if she isn’t entirely up for it either. “It’s the last thing I want to do, but I think it’s why we have to.”
I stare at her for a long moment, thinking.
I don’t want to go out, and I don’t want to be around people, but if there is anything my time in Eden taught me, it’s that it’s time to move on.
It’s time to start helping Alice like she’s been helping me.
I look at her, and only now that I am healing can I see the utter devastation on her face.
I was too lost in my own grief before to notice.
When I nod, Alice smiles, a genuine smile, one that has more light than any I’ve seen from her in a long time .
“We’re baddies,” she says, and dread twists my stomach, but I’m doing this for her because she needs it. She strokes my cheek again before standing and pulling me to my feet. “Let’s get dressed.”
Alice goes to her own room to change. She’s so quick that I’m still looking through my brimming wardrobe when she enters.
She doesn’t even bother to knock now, but really, what’s the point?
She’s seen me naked so many times over the past few months that it’s old news.
Other than my time in Eden, that shower after my run today was one of the first times since Connor died that Alice didn’t have to help me.
I just couldn’t. I didn’t care, but she made sure I was clean.
She made a schedule, kept me eating, kept me alive, and helped me for months.
Music fills the room, and I look over my shoulder to see that Alice has brought in her options for the evening and is pondering them.
I look back at my wardrobe. Everything in here is short and tight, which would usually be the vibe.
Unfortunately, I can’t remember how to wear any of them after months in yoga pants and sweats.
I pull out a black velvet dress. It is short, but at least it has sleeves.
I undress and glance at my nearly naked body in the mirror.
This time, I can see I still have a long way to go before I look the way I used to.
I miss my curves. This isn’t my body. I slip into the dress and zip it up.
It’s a little looser than it should be, but I still like how it looks.
“You look hot,” Alice says, pulling me from my thoughts. I glance at Alice in the mirror to see that she is wearing the most micro-minidress I think I’ve ever seen.
Her eyes are sparkling, and I can feel her excitement about going out tonight.
I know she put the music on in an attempt to get me in the mood for partying, and while it may not be having the desired effect on me, it is on her, and that’s all that matters.
I don’t care if I’m miserable the whole time we’re out as long as she has fun.
She needs this, and I can pretend for her.
Alice stands next to me, and we look at ourselves in the mirror. “You look amazing, Sum.”
“Thanks,” I say, though I tug on the hem of my dress a little. The halo hums, and it feels like Connor is telling me I look hot. I can’t explain how I know, but I do. I brush my fingers over the halo.
“He agree?” Alice asks, clocking the movement.
I nod, and my heart splinters.
Alice grabs my wrist, squeezing the halo. “Good job, birdbrain. You made her tear up,” she admonishes.
The absurdity of it muffles the pain slightly, and my lips twitch in response.
“Asshole males,” Alice grumbles.
My smile deepens, and my gaze flicks to the mirror, checking to see if it is actually happening. The image in front of me reflects a healing Summer.
I can tell Alice sees it too because she softens. “Now, tell him it’s girls’ night, and he needs to shush.”
My eyes flick to the halo. “I love you, Con.”
I look at myself in the mirror once more. I really do hate how thin I’ve allowed myself to get. The halo hums in silent support, but then goes quiet, and I can tell he’s gone again.
Alice wraps her arms around my waist and says, “Let’s be sad bitches.”
I nod, leaning back into her.
“Love you,” she says, squeezing me.
“I love you.”
Alice and I go downstairs, and she pours us each a shot. She hands me one. “What did I say last year? To fucking shit up?”
“No more fucking shit up,” I grumble, looking down at the amber liquid in the crystal glass.
“To no more fucking shit up,” Alice toasts, lifting her glass.
I tap my glass to hers, and we both down them. The liquor burns my throat as it slides down, taking off the edge I have been living with. It’s been so long since I drank that I immediately feel the effects, leaving me like a wool-covered dagger.
“For courage or whatever,” Alice says, refilling our glasses, and I unquestioningly down it.