19. Alice
Chapter Nineteen
Alice
S ummer’s missing. Again. Fucking, Drac!
I never should have let her out of my sight, but she seemed to be doing so well, and I let myself be distracted.
I got lost in the illusion that things are?.
.?. normal, and now I’ve lost her. Again.
My eyes scan the club, and I know they are flashing red.
I listen for the familiar sound of my best friend’s heartbeat.
The shifter I was dancing with reaches for me, and I shove him away.
He is a boring asshole anyway. I head toward the door, listening for her.
I’d know her anywhere. These last few months, it’s been the only thing I’ve held on to, listening to her heartbeat.
It was the only way I knew for sure she was still alive.
Every time she didn’t eat, every time she barely slept, I listened for her heartbeat.
Outside the club, I catch her scent, frowning when I smell her tears. They have been another constant these last few months. That scent and her heartbeat have been the only things to tell me she’s alive.
I don’t have a lot that’s just mine, but I have Summer, and I’m not losing her.
I won’t lose her like I did Connor and the Morningstars, like I lost my mom as a kid.
This time I’m going to make a difference.
I will plant my feet so I stop losing people.
No one will take anyone from me ever again, especially her, and I refuse to pretend that I don’t care, to act unaffected, like I have pretended my whole life.
Following her scent, it leads me right back to the house, and I know the second I step inside where she is.
Walking into her bathroom, I find her sitting in the shower.
Her arms are wrapped tightly around her knees, hugging them to her chest as she sobs, the scent of her tears filling the bathroom.
She is still in her dress, the makeup she put on earlier leaving dark tracks down her face.
Slipping off my heels, I step inside fully dressed and sit next to her, letting the icy water pound down on both of us.
She took a step backward at the club. I shouldn’t have suggested we go out.
It was a stupid suggestion. I am an idiot.
Wrapping my arms around her tightly, I pull her into me, trying to absorb the sobs wracking her body.
How many days have we spent just like this?
Me, selfishly holding my best friend together because I can’t lose her.
Selfishly making sure she survives another day, no matter how much she clearly wants to die.
Selfish, cruel girl .
Whatever.
When her sobs taper off, I push Summer’s hair back and start braiding it down her back, like I’ve done a lot the last couple of months. It helps keep it from getting tangled and makes my job easier.
“I cheated,” she whispers, leaning into me.
I tie off the braid with a hair tie I keep on my wrist for this exact reason before pulling back and cupping her cheeks to scan her pale eyes. “Tell me.”
More tears stream down her face. “I cheated.”
Okay.
“Like?.?.?. on a test?” Maybe it was one of the assignments I brought her? Summer’s pretty weird about school, so that would upset her.
She sobs, pulling away to bury her face against my shoulder.
Okay, maybe not a test. I reach up and turn off the shower.
Standing, I tug until I get her on her feet.
She is too skinny, and I don’t want her catching some fae sickness and dying because I let her sit in frigid water. I’ve got to be careful with her.
“Hey, we’re not going backward,” I say, cupping her cheeks again. With the water off and her standing, I catch a new smell on her. One that tells me exactly what she meant by cheated .
“I fucked Max,” she admits, choking the words out between sobs.
Oh, Sum. I’m sorry we’re like this. We’re so screwed up.
“I know,” I whisper back. “I recognize his scent.”
Summer sobs again, and I gather her to me, stepping out of the shower with her. Both of us are drenched, and she is shivering. “Let’s get changed. But, Sum? You didn’t cheat on anyone.” You can’t cheat when the person you’re cheating on is dead.
Together, we make it to her room, and I change her out of her wet clothes into comfortable, dry ones, wiping the remaining makeup from both our faces.
Summer just stands there and lets me. I was really proud of her for showering on her own yesterday, but I pushed it.
I ruined it by saying we should go out. This is all my fault.
I pull down the covers on her bed, and she climbs in as I dart out to change into dry pajamas and grab a towel to dry her hair with.
Kneeling behind her, I gently squeeze the water from her hair.
“Sum? Before I go on a ball-cutting-wearing-as-earrings-while-devouring-his-still-beating-heart rampage, it wasn’t?.
.?. It was consensual, right?” From what I know about Max, I’m pretty sure it was, but honestly, you can’t trust men, no matter how much you think you know them.
“I’ll still kill him if you want me to, even if it was mutual. ”
“Completely. I-I wanted it,” she says, curling even more into herself.
Oh. I see now. I wipe the tears from her face, even knowing it is useless. More will just replace the few I scatter. She hasn’t stopped crying, and I wonder how deep this break is going to be.
“You wanted to be alive, Sum.” She sobs at my words, at the truth of her actions. I suppose she didn’t take a step backward, not at all. She took a scary leap forward, and she wasn’t ready. “You still want me to kill him?”
“No more death,” she says, shaking her head and slipping down into bed.
I sigh softly and slide in beside her, wrapping my arms around her. “Okay, Sum.”
She buries her face into my neck, her hot tears scalding my skin, and I do what I always do.
I listen to her heartbeat. It’s racing, but slows as she finally drifts off, assuming the steady rhythm of sleep.
I close my eyes but attune myself to that beat so if a nightmare takes hold of her again, I’ll wake her up.
Just like every night.