23. Emery
Emery
Charlie nuzzles against me, squirming as she sleeps. I haven’t let her go since the agent handed her to me. Even after Hayes had a prospect bring a car to pick us up, I sat in the back with my hand resting over her in her car seat.
Her nose scrunches, and I soothe her by gently rubbing her arm until she settles.
Hayes stayed with me through dinner, but then he had to meet up with Steel. This time, I wasn’t worried what he might be doing or how long he would be gone. I understood.
The Feds storming the compound escalated a war, and this is only the beginning of it. Hayes has no idea what my uncle has done—what I’ll be forced to do for him. He still thinks I’m on his side. I wish I was.
But I’m not anymore.
I’d like to believe Hayes will destroy my uncle before he can act on today’s threats. That Charlie and I will be safe, and this will all work out. But today is proof of just how far my uncle is willing to go to keep control over us. His threats aren’t idle.
If I don’t help him, he’ll use Charlie against me, and I can’t let that happen, no matter what I feel for her father.
While eating dinner, I considered telling Hayes what my uncle said. It’s clear he cares. I have no doubt he’d listen. But Hayes’s club comes first. When he learns that Charlie and I are a complication, will he stand with us or his club?
Where will we go if he kicks us out?
I’m stuck.
I press a kiss to Charlie’s forehead, breathing her in. Her hair is dark like mine, but her eyes are bright like her father’s. She’s the perfect mix of both of us. Every good thing curled in one. She deserves so much more than the world I brought her into.
She’s my heart.
My purpose.
I didn’t believe in fate until Charlie, and now I can’t imagine my world without her. She led me back to her father—to the only peace I’ve known. It has to mean something, even if I can’t keep it.
Through the window comes the rumble of Hayes’s motorcycle pulling up to the house. He cuts the engine, and I close my eyes, breathing Charlie in as I listen to his boots moving up the porch. He’s quiet as he opens and closes the front door. Only the creak of the floorboards tells me where he’s at.
When he pauses in the bedroom doorway, I blink my eyes open, taking in his worn expression.
Today was hard on all of us. I can’t imagine what he went through once we were taken. He’s been strong for my sake, but it’s clear his smile is weighted. If only he knew I’m going to be his club’s undoing.
Charlie stirs, blinking her eyes open like she senses her dad nearby.
“You’re still awake?” He walks into the room.
“I can’t sleep.”
My eyes are heavy. Exhaustion has turned my bones to lead, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t relax.
Hayes slips out of his boots and climbs into bed, putting Charlie between us. He lies on his side, lacing his fingers through mine and looking at Charlie. The love spilling from his expression has tears rolling down my cheeks.
I can’t seem to stop crying. The dam has been obliterated, and there’s no holding it back.
“I never thought I’d be a father.” He reaches up, brushing my tears away. “I figured if I ever was, I’d be terrible at it like mine was.”
I don’t know what compels him to admit that in the darkness, but it breaks my heart.
“You’re a wonderful father, Hayes.”
“I haven’t been here—for you or for her. You both deserve so much more than what I’ve given you.”
“You’ve done everything to protect us.”
“That’s not the same as being there.” He frowns.
He’s right, it’s not. But with us, it’s also not that simple.
“You aren’t gone because you want to be,” I tell him. “You’re gone because you need to be. Because that’s the only way we’re going to get through this, right?”
He nods.
“Then that’s all that matters.” I glance down at Charlie, who is fully awake now, watching us with her big green eyes.
I’m thankful that she has no idea what’s going on right now. That we can be here for her after all today brought on us.
“Why green?” I ask, blinking up at Hayes. “The night we met, you said green was your least favorite color.”
“For a long time it was.” His gaze drops to Charlie, and I can tell he doesn’t necessarily believe that anymore. “It reminded me of all the shit that went wrong. Of all the bad things.”
“You said your mother had green eyes?”
He nods. “When I was little, her eyes were so bright. So green. It’s funny because I can barely remember the shade of her strawberry-blonde hair, but I remember her eyes clear as day. She’d sing to me at night, and her eyes were so damn bright it was like they glowed. Until he changed all that.”
“Who?”
“My father.” He pulls his hand away from us, like the simple mention of his father has him shutting down.
“He was a Twisted King back when shit was different around here—even more reckless. The guys really didn’t give a fuck back then.
They did what they wanted and treated their old ladies like shit.
Dad was always at the clubhouse, screwing around on my mom and barely there for us.
He didn’t notice when she started drifting away.
Or when she started drinking. Eventually, booze turned into harder shit.
It’s like the more he cheated on her, the less she could stand being here.
All the love in her just died—he killed it. He killed her.”
Hayes pauses, dragging his hand down his face.
“I’ll never forget her eyes when I walked into the living room.
They were still open, so I thought she was watching me until I got closer and saw how pale her skin was.
How her face was empty. Everything about her was duller—a different shade.
Except her eyes. They were still green. She got a bad batch of whatever she was on at the time.
My father killed her without so much as lifting a finger. ”
“I’m so sorry.” I reach for his arm, and he surprises me by not pulling away.
If anything, he scoots closer, his finger grazing Charlie’s arm.
“I hated my eyes after that because they reminded me of her. I hated the color green. But now…” He glances down at Charlie, who has turned to nuzzle his arm. “I think it might be my favorite color again.”
He tickles Charlie’s cheek, and she smiles, drawing out one of his own. My heart clenches as he leans down to kiss her forehead.
I can’t love him.
I can’t.
But watching him with our daughter makes my heart feel too big for my chest.
He keeps a hand on Charlie, propping his head up with the other.
“So that’s why you weren’t close with your father?”
“One of many reasons by the end.” Hayes’s expression turns grim. “At least he got what was coming to him.”
“And what was that? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“A bullet to the head.” His teeth clench, his jaw working. “My dad was good friends with the VP before me, Helix, Tempe’s dad—”
“I didn’t realize Tempe’s dad was in the club.”
“Yeah, he was part of the older crew that didn’t like how things were changing under Steel’s leadership. They went rogue on their own club, killed their own brothers, trying to overthrow things. Fucking cowards.”
“They turned on the Twisted Kings?”
Hayes nods. “Helix promised my dad all sorts of shit. He said when he took his rightful place, he’d bring my dad with him. He helped plant a bomb at the LA clubhouse, killing the president there. All to get back at Steel for things he felt he was owed because of promises made by Steel’s father.”
My eyes widen. “That’s awful.”
“Yeah, we lost too many brothers in that mess.” Hayes frowns. “When Steel made me VP, he agreed to let me deal with my father myself. I confronted him in the front yard.” His gaze moves to the window. “I told him we’d talk—”
“Let’s go talk about it.” I repeat the words Hayes said the night we met. The lie he’d told was to his father.
“Yeah.” He nods. “But we didn’t talk. I put a bullet in his head like he deserved.”
My blood runs cold. “You killed your own father?”
“Without blinking.”
There’s no emotion. No remorse. Hayes doesn’t flinch as he admits what he did.
“Does that scare you, Emery? Knowing that I did that to him. Knowing the lengths I’ll go to if someone attacks my club?”
It should, especially after what my uncle said to me today. I’m only here because I’m meant to be that person myself. I’m supposed to bring them all down. But the longer I stare into Hayes’s eyes, there is no fear to be found. Only peace.
Comfort.
He killed his father, and still, I know he would never hurt me or Charlie.
“No,” I decide. “He deserved what was coming.”
Just like my uncle, I think. But that part, I keep to myself.
A breeze rustles the curtains, drifting through the room and making me shiver.
“When I was twelve, I killed someone too,” I tell Hayes. “Uncle Rick didn’t move me to the casino until I was older. So back then, I lived in the suburbs with his staff most of the year. Sometimes, when he came to visit, he would bring his friends. And this one always watched me.”
The curtains dance in the breeze, and I don’t dare take my eyes off them, or I might lose the confidence to keep talking.
“On one visit, he started getting too close, too comfortable. It was late, and my uncle was too drunk to care about anything. We were nearing the end of dinner, and his associate put his hand on my leg. I knew what would come next—what he was thinking.”
Finally, I look at Hayes, and all color has drained from his cheeks.
“I excused myself to go to the bathroom before the final course was brought out, which is when I saw what the staff was preparing. Chocolate cake with this peanut dusting that made the icing look like it sparkled.” I swallow hard.
“They didn’t want to interrupt my uncle and his friends, so they asked me if anyone had any allergies.
I knew my uncle’s friend was allergic, but I told them they all love peanuts anyway.
He dropped dead before anyone could try and save him, and I haven’t regretted it a day since. ”
There’s no judgment in Hayes’s eyes as he listens.
“Does that scare you?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “He deserved worse. Makes me wish he was still here just so I could deliver it.”
It’s wrong. Twisted.
And yet, I find myself falling for him a little harder with that confession.