24. Emery
Emery
My eyes flutter open as the mattress shifts. For a second, I think I’m still dreaming because Hayes is climbing back into bed wearing nothing more than his boxer briefs. His muscles flex with every movement.
He’s mesmerizing.
Downright sinful.
I glance at the clock, realizing I must have drifted off to sleep. The last thing I remember was Hayes telling me a story about his first motorcycle while holding out his hand so Charlie could play with his rings. Now, my arms are empty.
“I put her in her crib,” he says when I look around for Charlie. “She finally fell back asleep.”
My arms are stiff as I stretch them out. “Sorry if I fell asleep in the middle of your story.”
He smiles. “It was your story, so you didn’t offend me.”
“I fell asleep mid-sentence?”
“Mid-word.”
“Wonderful.” I laugh, and Hayes smiles wider.
He settles beneath the blanket, facing me. There’s a cold gap between us. A foot of space that might as well be a canyon with how far apart he feels. My fingers rest on the mattress between us.
Moments ago, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Now, I can’t take them off him.
Hayes and I have been sharing a bed since the night we got married, but we’ve yet to cross a certain line. After today, we really shouldn’t. Soon, I’ll be forced to do something terrible to ensure our daughter’s safety.
My heart already breaks thinking of what’s to come.
His hand reaches for mine, lacing our fingers together, and I lie to myself in this moment. I hold onto what we are and pretend nothing is going to change. In another version of us, maybe my family and his club wouldn’t be at war. We’d be allowed to keep this.
I want to go back to New Year’s when we were just two single people having fun. Possibilities were endless. Dreams were intact.
Clinging to that night, I shove everything else aside and only focus on this. On his calloused palms. On the devotion in his eyes.
My thumb grazes the back of his hand, and I dare to keep going. I trail my fingers up his forearm, exploring his tattoos. I take in the inches of my husband’s skin. He’s a stranger in many ways, and yet, when I look into his eyes, I’ve never known anyone as deeply as I know Hayes.
I graze my hand up over his shoulder, tracing down his side. His inked arms are beautifully chaotic. A mess of demons and skulls and poker chips. There are dice on his forearms. But at his wrist is a hand of cards that’s fresher than the rest.
It’s familiar.
My eyebrows pinch as I trace over the ink until my eyes snap to his. “This is the hand the slot machine dealt the night we met. The first game you lost.”
I offered him a kiss for a single win, but it was a losing hand—this hand.
“I got this inked a couple of weeks after we met,” he admits.
“Why would you get a losing hand tattooed on yourself?”
Hayes cups my jaw. His thumb grazes my freckles, sending a rush of goose bumps down my arms. “It wasn’t a losing hand. It gave me more time with you.”
“You really thought of it like that?”
“Of course. It didn’t matter what the cards said so long as I got more of this.” A beautiful smirk climbs his face.
“I thought about that hand too,” I admit. “About how that quarter is what gave me Charlie—what gave me you. I guess some losses are worth it.”
“That one was worth everything.” His arm bands around my waist, pulling me closer.
Heat envelopes me. Every hard plane of muscle can be felt through my tank top and sleep shorts as the sheet moves higher, nuzzling us in this cocoon.
We’re nose-to-nose. Mouth-to-mouth. The slightest shift and he could kiss me.
I wish he would.
“My uncle isn’t going to let us have this,” I whisper, admitting a hint of what I shouldn’t. “He’ll ruin you and everything you care about before he lets me stay—before he lets her stay.”
“He can ruin me all he wants.” Hayes tucks my hair behind my ear. “All I care about is the two of you.”
When his lips land on mine, I surrender.
To him.
To this night.
To the truth I can’t deny.
His hands skate down until he’s gripping my ass and tugging me to him. The firm pressure of his hard length has me moaning. Nerves and excitement melt into one as we move in tandem. I hitch my leg, and he wraps it around him, slowly kissing a path from my lips down my neck.
“I was thinking.” I arch my head back, giving him access. “We never consummated our marriage.”
“No, we didn’t.” He grins against my collarbone, slowly slipping one of my straps down my shoulder. “We should really do something about that, don’t you think?”
“We should.”
There’s no resisting. No denying.
I’ve never needed Hayes more than I do tonight. His teeth sink into the soft flesh of my shoulder, and I shiver. Any fading tension unravels. His breath is a brush fire over my skin, burning me up as he rocks me against his cock. My shorts might as well be nonexistent as he steadies his rhythm.
I feel everything.
But I want more—I need more.
I’ve been living through this drought, barely surviving. And now that I have him in my arms, I’ll take every drop I can get. Need courses through my blood. It swells up inside me as I grab his shoulders and roll us so I’m straddling him.
His fingers curl into the hair at the back of my neck as he pulls my lips to his. The kiss is no longer hesitant. He devours. Hayes’s tongue explores the seam of my lips, and when I open for him, he turns ravenous.
He’s in complete control, even with me on top. One hand guides my hips, gripping my ass, while the other cups my jaw. He holds me like he memorized my every need in one night.
Breaking the kiss, he whispers against my mouth, “What do you need right now, wife?”
“You.”
One word.
One truth.
Hayes Roman is all I need. All I want.
I rock my hips in response, and a delicious growl reverberates in his chest.
“Fuck.” He pulls back, looking up into my eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
He doesn’t realize how wrong he is. That my uncle plans to use me as the downfall of his club. But for tonight, that doesn’t matter. Tonight is just the two of us.
I pull back as Hayes reaches for the hem of my shirt. He sits enough to strip it off. His stomach flexes with his every movement, and it’s sinful.
My hair falls from my shoulders as my back arches, exposing my breasts. Hayes’s hands cup them perfectly. Fate might be a silly thing to some people, but when Hayes touches me, I swear I was made for him.
One hand teases my nipples, while the other skates down my stomach until he’s cupping me between my legs.
“You’re already so fucking ready for me.” He groans, kissing the side of my throat. “Fuck, I’ve missed this perfect pussy. I’ve missed you so damn much, freckles.”
He slips my underwear to the side, and I gasp, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he drives a finger in.
“I’ve missed you too.” I shouldn’t admit that.
It’s everything that will break my heart and get me into trouble. But it’s a chant from my lips as I rock in his lap. His fingers caress; his lips explore. And there’s no denying that I’ve missed him with my entire being.
Maybe if I close my eyes and wish, I can grant us a different future.
My skin prickles. Pressure climbs from my toes up my legs.
It shimmies down my spine and through my core.
Every inch of me tingles as he rocks his fingers slowly back and forth over my clit.
He’s so incredibly patient, like he was my first time.
Warming me up and teasing me until I can no longer withstand the heat building in my core.
My release is a dot on the horizon, but I’m barreling toward it. As if he’s summoned me to the ledge, demanding I surrender. My head tips back, and I fall; my vision darkens.
There is no bedroom. There is no difference between him and me. There is only us, and these waves that won’t stop cresting.
My climax pulses, but I need more.
I tip my forehead against his. “I need you to fuck me.”
“Are you sure?” The sweetest worry fills his eyes.
“The doctor cleared me for sex a couple of weeks ago. Please, I need this, Hayes.”
He grins, grabbing my ass and flipping us around so he’s hovering over me on the bed. “Then who am I to deny my wife what she wants?”
“You’re getting really comfortable calling me that.” I smile as he slips my shorts off.
Hayes kneels between my legs, shoving down his boxer briefs and gripping his hard cock. “I’m getting really comfortable knowing that you’re mine.”
He leans over me, easing in gentler than he did the first time. He rocks slowly, watching my body take him one inch at a time. Still, when he seats deep, there’s a fresh pain. A sharp adjustment that makes me wince.
He freezes, pulling back to look me in the eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Perfect.” I rock my hips, proving I can take him.
I’ve spent my life being treated like I’m delicate. Like I can’t handle anything. But that’s not how Hayes treated me the night we met, and that’s not what I want now. He draws out my confidence—my wild side. He consumes every bit of doubt and has me grabbing for life instead of fearing it.
My nails dig into his shoulders as I angle my hips until he’s so deep, my vision blurs. “Fuck me, Hayes. I don’t want you holding back.”
He groans, his restraint snapping. This time, when he pulls back, his thrust is hard enough to move me up the bed. There’s no more caution. No more control. There is only need as he drives deep.
My heels dig into the backs of his thighs, and even if I just came, I’m barely holding on.
We’re a mess of nails on flesh. Of heat and desire. Our kiss turns from sweet to messy and desperate as he fucks me with his entire body. He’s no longer Hayes—he’s Soul. The man who commands the attention of his club. Who takes what he wants; who does what he wants. And tonight, that’s me.
My teeth sink into his lower lip while my nails rake his back. Each scratch nearly draws blood, but he doesn’t pull away. If anything, he fucks me harder.
He fucks me like we’re descending into an abyss. Unrestrained. Unsuppressed. We lose ourselves in this lawlessness.
And when he looks into my eyes and his cock drives deep, I’m shaking. Unraveling around him. Tightening until his grunts meet me where I’m at. My core pulses, thrusting him over the ledge with me.
This must be oblivion because I lose all thought outside of this moment. We’re wild and free. I press my face to his chest, catching my breath as his hips slow. We steady ourselves. A mess of sweat-slicked skin and tangled sheets. Only then do I realize what we’ve done.
Again.
“Hayes?” I look down between us, and he rolls so we’re on our sides, but he’s still inside me.
“Hmm?” His eyebrows pinch, filling with worry. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, not at all. I just realized that we—or more like we didn’t—”
“I know.” He rests his forehead against mine, bringing us nose-to-nose.
“We didn’t use a condom,” I clarify anyway.
“I’m not fucking my wife with anything between us.”
“But I’m not on birth control anymore.” I bite my lower lip, pulling his attention.
His thumb moves to my mouth, tugging my lip free. He’s quiet for a moment, but there’s no worry in his eyes. Nothing to hint that he’s concerned about what we’ve just done.
“Do you want to be on birth control?” he asks finally.
The answer should probably be yes, especially after today. The last thing we need is another child my uncle can use against us. Another person who can be hurt in this war raging between our families.
But as I look up into Hayes’s eyes, I can’t deny the truth. I want everything with this man. More children. A future.
What if his club wins?
What if we could have this?
I cling to that hope in the darkness like it’s the last quarter in my pocket. It’s better to bet on something than to never take a risk.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him close. “No, I don’t want to be on birth control.”
“Good.” His smile steals my breath. “I don’t want that either.”
This time, when he kisses me, there is no pause. No question. No waiting. We’re gambling with both our lives, but some risks are worth taking.