Chapter 10
MIA
Swayze
Bogus Boyfriend reporting for duty. We should probably discuss those rules and regulations.
Me
Bogus Boyfriend really? And spoken like a true cop too.
Swayze
If it ain’t broke…
Me
Ha ha, I don’t know. I quite like the nickname Patrol Puppy for you.
Swayze
Over my dead body will you call me puppy. I can still back out of this, you know?
Me
Ok ok chill BB (see what I did there?) So, rules. I’ll start with the obvious. 1 - No afternoon delight.
No third time’s a charm.
No insert tab A into slot B.
In case I wasn’t clear enough already, absolutely NO SEX.
Swayze
Wow, way to take the fun out of it. Especially when we’re so good at it…
Me
Easy to be good at something when you’ve had loads of practice. Rule 1 addendum: No Sex - with each other, or anyone else while we’re “dating.”
Swayze
Noted.
2 - You need to delete the dating apps off your phone.
Me
Already done. Was only on them to try and find someone I could tolerate for this stupid wedding.
Swayze
What’s the deal with that?
Me
I need alcohol to dignify that with an answer.
Swayze
I’ll hold you to that.
Me
3 - We need to take some “couple” photos to post on our socials in the lead up.
Swayze
I don’t have socials.
Me
I forgot you’re a dinosaur. Fine, on MY socials. Unless you want to start one…
Swayze
Fuck that. You can take all the photos you want for your own, but I’m not doing that shit.
This goes both ways. If I need a “girlfriend” for any particular reason you have to be willing to attend and actually look like you like me.
Me
I do like you!
Swayze
You’ve had a funny way of showing it this last year.
Me
Dramatic much?
Swayze
Oh I’m sorry, I was under the illusion that you begged me to do this. If you don’t need me…
Me
Point taken. I’m sorry. Consider me the perfect doting girlfriend. I’ll be so far up your ass everyone will think we’re madly in love.
Swayze
Yeah about that. Should we have a rule about PDA?
Me
Good point. 4 - Kissing, touching and/or groping only permitted when we’re around other people. Not when we’re alone.
Swayze
Groping huh?
Me
Ehh I’m not opposed to giving or receiving a good butt grab every so often.
Swayze
You do have a damn good ass.
Me
Lol thanks.
We should have a safe word in case of a dating world ending emergency…
Swayze
What, like “red”?
Me
Excuuuuuse me, where have you been going sir?
Swayze
Don’t call me sir unless you’re prepared for the consequences of your actions.
Me
Are you flirting with me Wolfie?
Swayze
If I was, you’d know.
Me
Suuure. Ok but not “red”, you’re no Christian Grey.
Swayze
How can you be so sure?
Me
We’re going wildly off topic my dude.
Swayze
Whatever, you pick.
Me
Fisticuffs
Swayze
FFS Mia. Are you serious? I’m supposed to say THAT if there’s an issue?
Me
What?? You told me to choose! And I think it’s cute…
You have handcuffs, and we get into little spats all the time
Swayze
Fine whatever. I’m regretting all my life choices right now, just so you’re aware.
Me
Don’t be a baby.
Swayze
Well I’m your baby for now, you’ll have to deal.
Me
Very good.
Ireread our messages with a huge grin on my face. For the first time in months, I don’t have the impending sense of doom about the wedding coming up. I can’t believe the answer to all my problems was right under my nose.
I mean, he’s caused a few problems of his own I guess, but if we can pull this off, I can forgive Halloween.
I’m just not sure I can forget it. The way his hands so expertly worked my body, the way he moved inside me.
Things I’m absolutely not supposed to be thinking about, considering the rules we just laid out.
But it’s fine. I’ve got this.
I’m a grown-ass woman. I can exist in the same space as him without jumping his bone(r)s. We’ve lived together a lot over the years, and it’s only happened twice—never where we actually sleep either, for the record.
Besides, I’ve made the executive decision not to drink too much while we’re away. You know that whole “loose lips” saying? Well, given our track record, it’s proven way too real for me… I’ll let you decide which set of lips I’m talking about.
Here’s hoping our hotel room will have some kinda pull-out or sofa for me to sleep on. Pretty sure some of them did when I checked out the website. If not, I’ll have to rely on my own self-control to keep my legs crossed, and that’s feeling a little wobbly right now.
Trust me, if you’d dry humped two hundred and twenty pounds of pure tattooed muscle against the hallway wall yesterday, you’d be spiraling too.
Ugh… why am I like this?
In an effort to distract myself, I grab my laptop and take a quick peek at my emails, but there’s no word from Editor Jen on when I can expect my new playmates to arrive.
Prime she's not, dammit.
The timing of this article couldn’t be more perfect, though.
I desperately need a new vibrator. I glare at my nightstand, where the toy in question sits.
I can’t risk using it when Swayze’s home because it’s as discreet as a jackhammer—maximum noise, minimum pleasure.
A bit like the orgasms I faked with the two pump chump I was dating.
I really should’ve replaced it ages ago.
And no—I know what you’re thinking—I’ve not faked a single one with my roommate, but we aren’t going there again today.
Or any other day.
Sucking in a deep breath, I try to push him and those feelings out of my mind.
Work. Let’s do some work.
It’s time to deep dive into the world of modern sex toys. What else is going on out there these days? Hopefully, we’ve moved on from the viral suction rose—pretty, but hella disappointing. I regretted jumping on that bandwagon with my whole ass.
Scrolling, I see a whole bunch of new options for your playmate pleasure, including but not limited to, a cute little penguin vibe that sucks your brains out. I’m not sure I can hold a penguin to my coochie in good conscience.
There’s a dildo shaped like a hand. I shit you not. Brings a whole new meaning to the term high five.
Yep, I’m giggling right now. Maybe I’m not mature enough for this today.
Ha!
Monster dick replicas. Oh my god, Haven’s bachelorette present. She’d lose her mind since she had us reading a monster romance not long ago—and Axel’s face would be priceless.
It’s soooooo on.
Humming Will Smith's “Wild, Wild West,” my fingers hover on the add to cart button when the front door slams so hard I almost drop my laptop, my pulse kicking up in a wild gallop.
What the actual fuck?
If someone’s broken into our house, I am woefully unarmed.
Urgently eyeing up my nightstand for anything I can use, I come up empty.
I’m not sure launching my old vibrator will do any real damage.
There’s always my laptop I guess—if my hand-eye coordination doesn’t fail me and everything’s backed up in the cloud. I hope.
Before I can even move off the bed, my bedroom door surges open so fast it hits the wall behind it with another huge bang.
I shriek, lifting my laptop before relief and annoyance wash through me in equal measure.
“Swayze, what in the ever-loving Hulk is this?!” I yell, dropping the laptop back on the bed. “There’s this thing called ‘knocking’ that civilized roommates do to avoid a laptop aimed at their skull.”
Silence.
“I could’ve been masturbating, you know?”
Nada.
No reaction.
What the fuck is going on with him. He isn’t even looking at me right now. That masturbation line at least deserved a blink, jeez.
Instead, he’s white-knuckling the door jamb so tight, muscles I’ve never met before stand to attention, his gaze fixed on the floor in front of him, chest heaving like he’s just run a marathon.
There’s so much tension pouring off him, I can practically see it in the air.
The irritation seeps out of me, a knot forming in my stomach when I notice the rigid clench of his jaw.
Is he hurt? Is anyone else hurt?
“Swayze, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” My voice wobbles, and I hug my laptop to my chest.
He mutters a curse, one of his hands dragging his messy hair off his face, his eyes finally meeting mine, white hot fury simmering in their depths.
“I. Need. You.”
Well, damn. The gruff tone, combined with those three little words, just chased the fear away and sparked a whole new circus of activity low in my belly.
Our eyes stay locked, the air around us thickening.
Does he mean he needs me…? Butterflies flutter wildly at the idea of him storming in here and just taking what he wants.
I’ll unpack that later because right now all I can think is monster dick what?
Except…
Wait.
Wait one damn second.
“Is that lipstick on your collar?!” My voice might have come out a little higher than intended.
I’m literally staring at him, mouth hanging open so wide I probably resemble that penguin vibrator now.
Those butterflies wither and die, while I try to swallow past the bile threatening my upchuck reflex.
Surely he hasn’t broken our rules already. We just set them a few hours ago.
He didn’t last a day?! Seriously?
I knew it.
I’m an idiot.
He’s Deputy Heartthrob, the fucking playboy lieutenant.
What the fuck did I expect?
So, what now? Some bitch got him all riled up, but he had a crisis of conscience and came home to me?
He can fuck all the way off. Crossing my arms, I aim my best death glare at him, because fuck this guy today.
Been there, done that, got the carry-on of unresolved bullshit to prove it.
“Get out, Swayze. We aren’t playing this game. I’m not about to fuck you because you’re a horny prick who can’t keep it in your pants.”
“I don’t want to fuck you.”
Oh, charming. You’d rather bang some random chick who has no issue throwing herself at someone else’s man?
Not that he’s actually mine, but that’s beside the point.
He stalks towards me, all power and danger, his eyes a wild molten silver. My stomach flips uneasily and I shuffle backwards on my bed until my back hits the wall.
“I don’t need to fuck you, Mia. I need my girlfriend.”
He spits out the word, his face contorted in disgust.
My fingers tighten around the comforter, and I study him. What’s actually happening right now?
“Wolff, you might wanna try and string some words together so I know what the hell you’re going on about, because you’ve come home smelling of some cheap-ass perfume with lipstick on your collar. I gotta tell ya, this doesn't look so good for you right now.”
His brows slam down over his eyes, narrowing them to slits. “Friday night after the wedding. You’re coming with me to the first responder charity fundraiser. As. My. Girlfriend.”
Wait, what?
He’s exercising the girlfriend contract? That’s what this is?
But he has lipstick on his collar and you didn’t leave it there.
“No. You can fuck off, Swayze. I’m not doing shit until you tell me why you’ve got some bitch’s lipstick on you. I spent years dealing with that bullshit, I’m never doing it again. Fake boyfriend or not.”
I see the exact moment realization dawns on him, the tension melting away. His shoulders slump, as he rubs a hand over his jaw.
When our eyes meet, his expression softens, face apologetic and earnest as he walks toward me and climbs onto my bed, sitting beside me with a quiet sigh.
Silver-blue eyes scan mine seriously. “Jesus, Mia. Surely you know I’d never cheat in a relationship?”
Do I?
I stare back at him in silence, his face falling while he waits for me to respond but I’m not saying shit. How would I know? As far as I’m aware, he’s never dated anyone, and my track record for men staying faithful is non-existent.
“Angel. Fuck. No. I would never cheat in a relationship. And I’d sure as shit never cheat on you.”
His palm ghosts my face but falls away without making contact, going to his shirt.
The sight of the hot pink lip print on the collar makes my skin crawl, and yet I can’t look away.
Without another word, he straight up rips his own shirt off, buttons flying all over my bed, and tosses it across the room into my trash can.
Holy hotcakes.
He leans back against the wall, chest bare, and still heaving. Of course, now the offending shirt is gone, his warmth and woodsy scent spill over me, making my mouth water the same way a gooey pizza does.
Lipstick on collar all but forgotten, he’s barely even touching me but apparently that doesn’t matter. My horny coochie's ready to straddle this man and fuck him into oblivion.
What am I? A freakin’ animal?
Swayze tips my chin up to look him in the eyes.
“She’s the entire reason I need you. And, full disclosure, Axel and Haven will be there, so I guess we’re gonna have to clue our friends in on this.” He shakes his head, dropping his hand from my face and sucking in a deep breath before continuing.
“Mary's our assistant at the station and she also happens to be my chief's daughter. Basically untouchable. But she’s set her sights on me and won’t take no for an answer. Before I left tonight, she walked into my office with a stack of paperwork and proceeded to fall straight into my arms, tossing the papers all over the floor.” He pauses, shoving his hands through his hair while his unfocused gaze locks on my trash can.
“That’s how the lipstick got on my collar.
” His lip curls in a sneer, eyes rising to meet mine.
“She then tried to kiss me, but I didn’t let her.
I dropped her ass onto the sofa, then walked straight out to come home to you.
I can’t deal with this shit anymore.” Dragging in another ragged breath, he drops his head against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.
I don’t dare move, breathe even, while I wait for him to continue.
“She’s getting more extreme. Either I quit or talk to the police chief about his precious princess, and we both know how well that’ll go down. I need to end it once and for all by showing her I’m taken.”
I’m giving my best goldfish impression while I process the bomb he just dropped on me.
His earnest eyes meet mine, pleading with me.
He’s telling the truth. I can read it all over his face.
Thank god he isn’t a cheating liar who lies.
My shoulders slump in relief and I suck in a deep calming breath but almost instantly, my jaw tightens, heat surging through my veins.
This bitch makes him uncomfortable and he’s too nice to call her on her bullshit.
How fucking dare she force herself on him.
I’ll sure as shit show her and her trashy lips who he belongs to.
“Ok, Wolfie. I got you.”