Chapter 37
MIA
I’ve been home for forty-eight hours now and Swayze is nowhere to be seen. I don’t think he’s been back home at all.
The fridge is bare, his bed untouched, and his phone’s switched off.
Well, that or he’s blocked me.
I’d be worried he was dead, but I drove past the station and saw his truck in the parking lot, so he is going to work, but I can hardly walk into the station and demand he talk to me. That bitch harassing him would love that.
Fuck, I hope she doesn’t try to sink her claws into him again.
Part of me wants to ask in our group chat, but I can’t do that without telling them everything. I need to speak to him first. I owe it to him to try and fix us.
Actually, I owe it to both of us.
Sighing, I side-eye my suitcase. I’m pretty sure it’s judging me from across the room because I’ve been back for two days now and haven’t unpacked a thing.
Ughhhh. I force myself out of bed and walk over to unpack the elephant in the room. It’s just another reminder of how badly I messed up and that really isn’t helping. Not for the first time in my life do I wish I were a Disney princess.
Imagine if Belle’s closet hadn’t helped her figure her shit out? Where would she be now? Married to that toxic fucker, Gaston. And Beast? I’m not even gonna think about that. I’ve cried more than enough these last few days over my own beast.
“Why can’t you talk, dammit?” I kick it once for good measure before unzipping and dumping the whole thing upside down, my clothes and the vast array of sex toys ending up in a heap on my bedroom floor. The cherry on top?
My glow in the dark yellow Clone-a-Wolff tumbles out last, like a phallic crown.
Fuck. I forgot about this. Snatching it up, I glide my fingers over the smooth tip. Tears flood my eyes for the millionth time because I can still picture his face when we made this. He looked so horrified, but he did it anyway.
For me.
Then he used it on me and it was the best toy time I’ve ever had.
How ironic is it that I’m crying over a sex toy? This is all I have left of him right now, so I tuck it under my pillow on top of his shirt.
No, I’m not gonna fuck myself with it. That’s kinda wrong with how messed up things are between us, but it’s my prerogative to spoon it, alongside his suit jacket, which is draped on the pillow next to mine.
Yes, I plan to spend the foreseeable future sleeping in his shirt, spooning his jacket and Clone-a-Wolff.
If anyone saw me, they’d think I’d totally lost it. Entirely batshit.
Joke’s on them, though. I never claimed to be sane.
What if these things are all I’ll ever have?
No.
Not doing that.
I have to try.
He was brave enough to put himself out there not knowing what the outcome would be.
I can do the same.
I’m Mia fucking Monroe, for god’s sake. I’ve made this ball busting, go getting, sex and relationship guru my whole identity.
Nick’s right. It’s time I reality-check my own life instead of letting the ghosts of my past control it for me.
Pete doesn’t get to do that anymore. He’s cost me enough already. I’m not going to let him take everything.
Today’s the day I take my power back, starting with putting my luggage away. I don’t need Swayze to put it back into the basement for me. I can do it myself.
Spiders ain’t got nothing on Mia Monroe.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I grab my bag and pull open the basement door.
Walking down the stairs, I focus on breathing and not thinking about what else might live down here.
Nope.
Ghosts.
Spiders.
Don’t come at me today.
The light flickers on, casting a pale yellow light on the dim space.
I shudder seeing the webs in the corners and pull my suitcase hurriedly behind me.
I see the shelves Swayze stacks our luggage on in the corner and hurriedly walk over, shoving it on there with more force than strictly necessary because I need to get the hell out of here before Mr. Spidey comes out to play.
Of course, just my fucking luck, I knock a box off the top shelf that narrowly misses my head.
That’ll look real good, Mia. Let’s try and win our man back with a black eye.
My hand-eye coordination’s never been the best, so it slips through my fingers faster than a lubed-up dick, landing upside down on the floor.
Scanning the floor for any creepy crawlies, I crouch down, gingerly lifting the box so I can shove it back on the shelf without Swayze knowing.
Of course—given my outstanding track record of things slipping through my fingers lately—the second I do, a sea of yellow Post-it notes tumble onto the dusty floor, all varying degrees of yellow, some curled and older than others.
What the hell?
Picking one up at random, I flip it over and see Swayze’s familiar scrawl on it.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013.
Pete asked you to prom today. Gutted. I planned to ask you on Saturday.
But you look so happy.
So I guess it’s for the best. S.
My mouth falls open in shock. What the hell is this? Have I progressed to full-on hallucinations? Did the box actually knock me out?
Reaching out with trembling fingers, I pick up another curled, faded yellow square.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
You looked amazing tonight. I was so proud walking into prom with my arm around you. The sparkly white dress you wore made you look like an angel. Just wish I’d gotten to dance with you before Pete came and stole you away.
Lucky fucker. S.
Tears blur the words together as I drop the note in the box and pick up another.
This one brighter. More recent.
Saturday, November 1, 2025
I told you you looked fine tonight.
You didn’t. You looked phenomenal.
I was just being a jealous prick. S.
I gasp, my hand flying to my mouth. That was the night I got dressed up with Haven to go on that stupid date Mom set up for me. Before all of this started.
Eagerly, I snatch another two.
Halloween 2025
I was weak. I broke my sex ban to fuck you tonight. My angel on the deck. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to take advantage of our friendship. It’s the one thing that matters most to me. S.
January 17, 2025.
We kissed. We finally kissed, and it was worth waiting twenty-odd years for, even though you ran out of the restroom on me. I wish I’d brought you home and fucked you in my bed for our first time though. S.
My whole body trembles as I grab note after note. There must be hundreds here from various stages of our life. Some just saying I looked pretty. Some with memories of things we did together.
Our friendship, his love, meticulously annotated through his eyes over the years.
And I threw him away, so damn certain that Deputy Heartthrob was incapable of love and commitment.
He’s been the one most committed to me all along.
Collapsing onto my ass, now totally oblivious to the webs and dust all over the floor, I scoop the rest of the notes into the box so I can bring it to my room with me.
I have to fix this.
I need to make it right.
He’s not going to hurt me. I know that now.
It’s on me to prove to him that I can love him the way he deserves. And I think I’m gonna need some help.
Me
Hey boo, can you do me a favor and ask Axel to find out if Swayze is still planning on going to the fundraiser tomorrow?
Haven
Pretty sure they’re together now actually. On it!
How come? Everything ok?
Me
I fucked up. I need to fix it.
Haven
You fell in love with him, didn’t you?
DIDN’T I TELL YOU
Fake dating leads to real feelings.
I fucking knew it.
Me
Are you quite done?
No one likes a know-it-all.
Haven
OMFG you just admitted it!!
Hell fucking yes. We can double date. How cute will that be?
OMG double wedding???
Come on… you know you want to!
Me
Jesus. Did someone Freaky Friday some shit and switch you with Kim!? Calm the hell down. I need to get the Wolff to talk to me first.
Haven
Axel texted back. Swayze said unfortunately yes.
Me
Ok. Awesome. Can I come over tomorrow and get ready with you?
Haven
Of course. Axel’s driving the truck so you can jump in with us since I’m assuming Swayze isn’t supposed to know you’re going?
Me
I’m sure he doesn’t expect me to go at all. I fucked up so bad Haven. I really hope I can fix it.
Haven
We got this babe.
You’ll have your puppy back in no time.
Me
LOL he hates when I call him that.
Haven
Welp, then he better behave before I adopt it too.