Chapter 2 #2
Since you’re emailing after midnight, I’m guessing you’re a workaholic who spends more time working than living.
Sincerely,
Amy
From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: RE: VA
Saturday, March 5th, 1:37 a.m.
I’ve owned pets in the past, none of them named after food.
We had a Pointer growing up, his name was Duke.
My mother chose it. And no, that doesn’t mean I need therapy.
Mom and I have a good relationship. If you’re going to be my assistant, you’ll have to be a lot more professional than you’ve been in the past few emails.
There’s a reason for the NDA. I like to keep my life private. Technology is my passion, but even I agree that social media can be too invasive. I’m private in order to enjoy my freedom to do as I please without having other people following my whereabouts.
Work isn’t my life. I know how to relax—without yoga. Have you tried traveling? It’s better than yoga and Pilates. I do more than work by the way. I travel with my brothers. One of them has a dog. His name is Trevor. The dog, not my brother.
Honestly, I’m baffled by your fear of traveling. It sounds as if you know the statistics. I’d tell you that driving in the city is worse than flying, but I’m afraid you’d stop leaving your house. You need a professional to help you work through your phobia.
The Titanic sank more than a hundred years ago. I assure you, if anything like that happened today, every passenger would be rescued before the ship sank.
Single malt is better than tequila. Unless you’re drinking Gran Patron Piedra, Clase Azul, or Casa Dragones.
I haven’t been twenty-eight for a long time, but my sisters—who happen to be twenty-nine, are way more outgoing than you.
I adore them, but replicating them would be the last thing I’d want to do.
The world doesn’t need more than those two.
So no, I don’t study female behavior, but with my mom and sisters, I have plenty of material.
Hobbies aren’t my thing unless you call hanging with my brothers during the weekend a hobby.
We hike, ski, snowboard or skydive depending on the season and when we can get together.
We live in different states. My routine isn’t anything special.
During the week I keep it simple: run, work, gym, work, sleep.
I don’t have any food preferences. Except, I try not to eat salads.
I don’t understand the concept of a salad. What are they?
I should fire you for your insubordination, but your comment had me curious. Why would I be assigned to you as the problem child?
I won’t answer your questionnaire.
J. Spearman
From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Judging
Saturday, March 5th, 9:35 a.m.
Don’t think you got the last word just because I didn’t respond to the previous email promptly. You are free to fire me for my … insubordination ? Ha!
Nothing is stopping you from doing so, but who will be assisting you after I’m gone?
Your assistant, who had a baby girl earlier today, won’t be there to save you. That reminds me, I took the liberty of sending a flower arrangement and a gift on your behalf to Carla. The note reads: Thank you for hiring such an efficient VA. Enjoy your time with your daughter. Mr. Spearman.
I’ll be billing the gift, and the time I spent doing the task at the end of the month. You’re welcome.
You have a big family, don’t you? Are your sisters twins?
I ask since both are twenty-nine. You might be saying you’re not a workaholic, but run, work, gym, work, is the pattern of an overworked CEO.
Do you live on coffee and single malt? Let me guess, you like your coffee dark and bitter—like your soul.
I noticed you didn’t list eating in your weekly schedule. Do you wait until the weekend to eat?
I don’t know the brands of tequila you mentioned, I’ll make sure to check them out when I travel to Mexico—never.
You have hobbies. Winter sports, maybe hiking. Do you fish? You’re one of those outdoorsy people, aren’t you? I’m shocked since you live to work. Again, see your schedule above before you protest.
It’s up to you to answer the questionnaire.
If you don’t have a reservation ready for your wife’s birthday, it won’t be my fault.
Your dry cleaning won’t deliver itself—you’re in charge.
Thankfully, you don’t own a pet. I won’t worry about any pet services, or that poor Rufus would die of boredom.
If your birthday is within the next three months, may I remind you to make a doctor’s appointment for your physical? I don’t have that information either.
Most of our clients are easy going and understand that to serve them, they have to trust us. You have trust issues. I can’t wait to start my assignment this upcoming Monday.
Amy
From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Last word
Sunday, March 6th, 7:23 p.m.
We’ll see who gets the last word, Ms. Walker.
Does your boss monitor these emails? What do they think about your work etiquette?
I’m curious. I’d fire my employees if they were talking like you do to our clients.
Unfortunately, you’re right. I have to deal with you until Carla is back.
She’s not taking my calls. Thank you for sending her the flowers and the gift.
My sisters are twins. The babies of the family.
My parents wanted a girl, they got two for the price of one.
Of course, I eat during the week. My housekeeper prepares my breakfast every morning.
When I arrive at work around eight, there’s always coffee on my desk.
Large, triple shot latte with nonfat milk and one sugar.
I don’t drink it black. Carla makes sure I have a Reuben sandwich on rye and chips for lunch by eleven thirty with a Pellegrino water.
For dinner, I eat out on Wednesdays, cook for myself other days, or Carla orders me a pizza if I plan on working late at the office.
Mexico is an excellent place to vacation.
My brothers and I like to go down to Cozumel.
It’s a great place for scuba diving. I guess you’re right.
I enjoy winter sports, water sports, and watch hockey when we have time.
By we, I mean my dad and my brothers. We only fish when Dad invites us, but it’s not something I’d do otherwise.
I don’t live to work.
You’re a picky eater. I bet you’re one of those people who swear they eat everything, but in reality only eat a few things.
Don’t worry about my wife’s birthday. I don’t have one of those. My housekeeper takes care of my dry cleaning. My birthday isn’t until September. Alex’s birthday was today, and Carla made sure to wrap the present I bought him. I can buy my family gifts, you don’t have to worry about them.
J.
From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: So many questions …
Sunday, March 6th, 8:39 p.m.
Are you sure you won’t answer my questionnaire?
So, whoever says the last word on June 10th wins?
I can’t wait to claim the prize. What do I get?
Who is Alex?
Our emails, chats, and calls are monitored for training purposes and to ensure the highest quality service.
Will I get to wrap any presents?
I’m surprised to learn you have a housekeeper. Did she sign a top-secret NDA? Poor woman, I feel her pain.
You like hockey? Hmm, you might not be as bad as I thought.
I hope you enjoyed your day with your brothers.
Amy
From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Re: so many questions
Sunday, March 6th, 9:10 p.m.
Clearly, you don’t understand the word no.
I won’t answer your questionnaire. There is no prize.
I guess if you last until June 10th, I won’t complain to your supervisors and get you fired.
Alex is one of my brothers. Jason is only a year younger than me, then there’s Alex who turned thirty-one yesterday.
Unless you come to pick up the gifts I buy, I can’t see how you’ll wrap them. I love hockey, and I have season tickets.
How do you know I spent the day with my brothers?
J