Chapter 17
JUNE
I wish I could stay like this forever, nestled between his arms. He quiets down all the noise inside my head and makes me forget what I’m missing.
If I could, I’d stay here forever, in his lap, my head resting on his chest. Wrapped in a cocoon he’s created just for me.
His heart beating softly against my ear.
If only I knew why he’s in my life. Hannah, my best friend and neighbor, has a theory that life isn’t a coincidence. Every event happens for a reason and every person who enters your life has a role in it.
There’s even a quote on her website about it that at the moment escapes me. Her point is that when you cross paths with someone it’s because they’re part of your journey and they fit just right.
Maybe I should call her and tell her what’s happening to me. She might be a few years younger than me but she’s so much wiser.
Is she right though?
Why’s Sterling part of my journey?
Surprisingly, we fit.
He’s like an old friend who walked back into my life after years of not seeing each other. Yet, we just met. This weekend has been perfect. Even energizing. I’m scared of what’s to come but also sure that everything will work out perfectly.
His loneliness hurts me more than my own.
Because he’s resigned to be like this for the rest of his life while I want to find something to fill that space—someone.
A baby. Tonight though, tonight I want to tear down the walls I built around myself for him.
Let him inside and allow myself to just be.
This time is different from the first one. It’s a crazy move, so unlike me but just as I’m about to lean close to him, he does it first. He’s looking at me intently, a glint in his eye that makes me squirm and heats me all the way inside.
Sterling presses his forehead against mine and kisses my nose and exhales. “We can’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I like you.” His voice is low even tortured. “More than like you. I’ve never wanted a woman more than I want you right now—or since that night.”
“Then why not?” I ask, gathering my courage and not listening to that little voice that says, he’s right, June.
“You’re ready for a lot more and that’s something—”
I press my lips to his and give him a quick kiss. “It’s one night, Sterling. You want me just as much as I do you.”
“Am I part of your list?” He chuckles.
“Maybe? It’s so easy to forget about lists and trying to be perfect when you’re around. I’m not sure why. All I know is that it feels so liberating. Why not let me have something I’ve never had? A night where I can have a fantasy.”
His eyes burst into flames. It’s as if a beast just woke up with my words. Whatever I said pushes him to the ledge. His hand slides behind the back of my neck, he pulls me even closer before his mouth takes mine.
Sterling’s lips are so soft, tender at the beginning but he deepens the kiss right away.
I melt. My heart is about to burst into flames. The urgency of the kiss ties my stomach into knots. I’ve never been kissed with so much hunger—need. Not even by him. Quivering in his lap, I try to get closer to him even when it’s physically impossible.
My heart is pounding fast and hard. So hard I feel like I’m shaking inside. I don’t know if I should let him lead or just get naked and ride him. My core is aching with so much need.
“I can never be,” he says, gasping for some air.
Putting a finger on top of his lips, I assure him that I understand. “You’re an amazing guy, Sterling. A man who gives more than he realizes and tonight I’m not asking for more than having mind-blowing sex with me. The one only you can give me.”
“Baby, I’ll show you how great you are and how amazing this can be.”
The stupid nagging voice is reminding me every two seconds to stay focused. It’s here now and over. Don’t plan, don’t imagine, don’t believe in stupid dreams just because his hoarse voice is hypnotic and his mouth is magical, I shouldn’t want more than tonight.
He picks me up and carries me to his bedroom.
When we arrive at his room, he sets me down on the floor and pulls my sweatshirt over my head. Promptly, his mouth is on my skin, running along my neck. His teeth pulling down the straps of my bra off my shoulders.
I moan as his hands roam around my waist pushing down my leggings.
“What’s your fantasy?”
“Hmm?” I moan when his mouth suckles my still clothed nipple.
“In bed, what do you like?”
“I’m not sure, never had mind-blowing sex and I know because so far everything is just okay.”
“My little blue sky, that’s easy to top and make it perfect. By the end of the night, you might have a fantasy—and I’ll fulfill that tomorrow.”
He finishes undressing me and undresses himself.
He reaches for his nightstand and takes out a condom.
A part of me is annoyed because, how many women has he brought here?
Then, I remember this is the kind of guy I want for tonight.
The player who knows how to please even if it’s only for one night.
He places the condom on top of the bed.
“We don’t need it, trust me.”
His eyes stare into mine. “We can skip it,” he says thoughtfully. “It’s not the first time we’d do it without one.”
“Sterling,” I whisper, enthralled by his gaze and trembling in need.
He walks over to me. Grabs me by the waist and bends down to kiss me. One hand on the back of my neck. His long fingers massaging my scalp in a way that makes me shiver. Even that touch feels sexy—erotic.
His lips move against mine. Gentle and loving.
The kiss builds in intensity, his tongue slides into my mouth and strokes mine.
The pace is painfully slow and yet, delicious.
My brain is unable to think much but my body is becoming aware of every stroke of his fingers, his tongue, and his movement.
Movements I match, like I know the choreography to this dance.
Which is funny since I’ve never danced like this. This is a tango. More like a Lambada. Those dances where body parts touch slowly or fast and it’s the preamble to a mind-blowing orgasm.
I let out a loud moan as his rough hand goes over my breast and pinches my nipple. My entire body heats up when his mouth tugs and bites my hardened peaks. One of his hands slides down my belly and reaches between my legs.
His feverish eyes meet mine as his rough finger slides along my clit. That devilish smirk widens as I shiver. His gaze burns with the same desire that’s possessing me. He licks and sucks my breasts teasing me. The heat inside me roars like a beast, rising up into my throat and escaping as a cry.
I push my hips toward his hand, needing more and wanting everything. I’ve never had this kind of need or desperation. The foreplay feels short to what I want in this moment.
“Take me,” I order. “Don’t play, I want you inside me.”
“Sweetheart, the appetizer is what makes this special.”
My body is begging for him, not his words. He ignores me and his fingers continue playing along with my slit. Teasing my entrance … both of them.
I gasp when he touches the more sensitive one.
“Fuck, you need to explore more than missionary, Ms. Spearman.”
“Are you going to explore me?” I ask with a throaty voice I’ve never heard before.
He lowers his head to my breast again. He nibbles the tip, then blows some air and nibbles it again. My back arches and I try to push myself closer to him needing more. A cry escapes me. It’s pure wanton. Delight.
I run my hands over his broad shoulders, down his arms until I find his cock. It’s just like I remember. My mind returns to our first night together and where his mouth was.
I’m so busy fantasizing about his mouth that when he pushes two fingers inside me and his thumb brushes against my clit, I come undone. It’s explosive, hard, breathtaking. My limbs are loose, and my legs are shaking.
He smiles down at me, satisfied.
“Are you sure you want to continue?” The question feels like a warning.