Chapter 13
ALEX
Is there anything better than spending three days with a beautiful woman who has a bright mind and a soft heart?
Not really. I’m in paradise. Hannah is great with children.
My nieces love her. My parents adore her.
Em and Eileen, my sisters-in-law, exchanged phone numbers with her.
Jeannette wasn’t even upset that Hannah was the maid of honor.
Though, she went out of her way to tell me during the rehearsal dinner to stay away from June’s best friend.
“Can you stay for another week?” I ask.
We just finished making love for the third time. Tomorrow, she has to catch an early flight. One of the three planes that are taking her away from me. Her final destination is San Francisco, and this time, she plans on making the trip in one day.
“I have to work,” she says, caressing the scars on the left side of my ribs. “Does it hurt?”
“Not when you touch them,” I answer, taking her hand and kissing the tips of her fingers.
“What’s going to happen after tomorrow?” I ask, trying to distract her from the old wounds on my body.
There’s this weird thing she has for my scars.
Not exactly an obsession but she likes to trace them.
If I don’t stop her, she’s going to start kissing them and we’re going to end up fighting because I don’t want to open up about it.
Or this will remind her that I’m an asshole.
If I’m not careful, one little thing will open Pandora’s box.
It doesn’t take long for us to rip each other apart when we’re this vulnerable. I can’t have that. Not tonight.
“The guy stays, the girl leaves, and they never see each other again,” she says, with a saddened voice. “This is how the story ends, Alex. Don’t make it more difficult than it already is, please.”
Difficult? That word doesn’t begin to describe how painful acknowledging the end is at this moment.
Fuck difficult—this is harder than learning to walk again after my accident.
I wish there wasn’t a tomorrow, and we could stay in this moment forever.
There’re so many things I want to tell her, but I feel like anything I say will shift the balance we acquired.
Instead of asking her to love me tonight, I kiss her hard.
I need to feel her lips touching mine while I love her just as hard.
I want us to remember tonight for days…for forever.
There’s no foreplay, as I sink deep inside her, as agony mixed with longing almost overwhelms me.
It’s pure, raw madness, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover.
I don’t want to recover from her.
Is this really lust?
Because it feels like so much more.
When I wake up, my bed is empty, and Hannah is nowhere to be found. There’s no goodbye note…she left.
This shouldn’t affect me. But I can’t stop thinking about her. Being in France reminds me of her. I had no idea she spoke French. Actually, she also speaks Spanish, German, and some Arabic. She’s brilliant, and I wish she had stayed with me.
I knew she’d leave.
But I hoped she’d change her mind.
We had a connection. Everything we experienced wasn’t one-sided.
I felt her trembling under my body. Our gazes connected during the ceremony, and I swear hers offered a mirror of my own desire.
Pissing her off is just as fun as making her laugh.
If only I had been able to change her mind, show her I could be different. I wish she had listened to me.
We needed more time.
One more week.
A lifetime.
Still, she left.
The week I spend with my family drags. Usually, being the 5th wheel or the odd number is cool by me. Except, it seems as if I’m missing something by my side. Someone.
Hannah.
After we leave France, I accept my parents’ invitation to stay with them in Colorado, at least until my birthday. Clearly, I want to avoid San Francisco. Before I can try to talk to Hannah again, I need to strategize.
A few days after my birthday, Mom organizes a party at Jackson’s Mountain house in Steamboat.
Thankfully, she didn’t host a full-blown Spearman party.
She kept it to just close family: my siblings, their significant others, and my parents.
Well, and my nieces, Caroline and Marianne.
Those precious girls are my favorite humans on the entire planet.
This is supposed to be a happy moment, but right here is when that feeling I had during my accident returns. The one where I know something is missing. A piece that prevents me from feeling fulfilled. Whole.
“You okay?” June asks.
“If today was your last day on earth, would you be happy with your life?”
June scrunches her nose. “You’re being morbid.”
As she rubs her belly, she answers. “I’m happy with my life and not near ready to call it quits. There’s a lifetime waiting for me with these three and Sterling.”
I nod. She has it. That external piece that completes her.
She shakes her head. “You’ve been weird since France. It’s as if you hate being around us.”
Rolling my eyes, I hug her. “Yeah, I hate you so much. It’s painful to be around you, which is why I stayed, even when I have work to do.”
June frowns, crosses her arms, and stares at me. “You’re just behaving oddly. Maybe you should move closer to us.”
It’s all good. I can visit them as often as I want. Maybe she’s right, though, I need to move on or just do something different.
“What are you doing with your apartment?” I ask, because that might be the answer to all my problems.
“I could lease it to you,” she jokes. “It has more room than your tiny studio.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” I ask rhetorically, but tell her what I want. “Just sell it to me.”
She studies me for a couple of seconds before she responds, “With one condition.”
“Be your kids’ godparent. I’m all in,” I respond, because actually, that’s what I’m hoping she’ll ask.
She laughs and shakes her head.
“Get in line. All of a sudden, everyone wants to be a godfather or a godmother,” June suggests. “Maybe I’ll have enough children to keep everyone happy.”
“Dude, you’re going to have three. I deserve at least one of them,” I press.
Suddenly, out of the blue, she says, “You can have my place, just take care of Hannah.”
“Your neighbor, right?”
She tilts her head and sighs. There’s nothing more infuriating than having your little sister look at you like you’re a stupid teenager who fucks up all the time.
“Don’t play dumb. I know,” she says.
Jeannette and June have the infamous twin connection. I don’t have that, but I can read both of them easily. Which is how I know she’s bluffing.
“Fine,” I say, lifting my hands as if I’m giving up. “Sorry for kissing her. It was just…”
“Look, I get it. She’s beautiful and smart. Even intriguing. She’s my best friend. You two…” She shakes her head.
There’s a long silence, or maybe it’s just a brief pause that feels eternal. There’s hesitation in her posture, and whatever she’s thinking affects Hannah and me. I shouldn’t care what she thinks about Hannah and me.
But I care, so I hold my breath until she says, “You two can’t happen.”
Four words, one blow. She sounds just like her best friend. June’s opinion matters. So far, she’s never steered me wrong. Why is she saying this?
“No, you can’t,” she repeats and sounds agitated.
“Hey, it was a kiss,” I say, shoving my hands inside my pockets. “It’s okay.”
“Liar, you’re interested,” she says, smiling. “You know what you need?”
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” I respond.
“You need a girlfriend,” she explains. “A nice woman who is nothing like the women you’ve been hooking up with or the ones you dated in the past.”
“Wow, very specific and detailed. I’ll add it to my Tinder profile,” I say, pulling out my phone. “Should I say, needs approval from my sister, too?”
She laughs. “You’re an idiot.”
“Give me Hannah’s phone number,” I ask casually.
Because even though Hannah and I have hooked up from time to time, I don’t have her number. She’s always pushing me out of the door. More like kicking me out of her apartment before I can ask for a number.
“Are you listening to me?” Now June’s voice is aggravated.
“It’s just a fucking number,” I tell her. “You didn’t give me anything for my birthday. Not even the honor to be the godfather of your spawns. At least give me Hannah’s number.”
“What do you want it for?”
“Seriously, June,” I say, acting offended. “You tell me to take care of her, and yet, you don’t want to at least give me a way to communicate with her.”
“You two can’t stand each other. There’s not one day that she doesn’t complain about your visits—and you always avoid her. If things go wrong between the two of you, I’m going to have to choose you.”
“Fuck, Juniper!” I start pacing the hallway. “You’re already writing an entire novel out of one request,” I complain. “She’s cool, and I can use a friend.”
“You don’t have female friends,” she says, eyeing me suspiciously.
I’d be suspicious of me, too, because I seriously don’t have one female friend. Never cared to have one before, but maybe June needs to hear that I’m in the market for one.
“Exactly.” I give her my best somber face. “It’s time for me to grow up and do something different with my life.”
Bullshitting my sister is hard, but doable, if I play my cards just right. And I think I’m actually convincing her because she pulls out her phone.
I try to control the grin because I’m getting what I want.
Victory.
Pulling out my phone, I wait for her to either dictate it or text me Hannah’s number. When I see her face changing from playful to serious, I stand up straight. Her nostrils flare a bit. She bites her lower lip and types frantically.
Fuck, Hannah told her. Now I’m going to get my ass kicked by my sister for lying and maybe for sleeping with her best friend. This is going to be a huge fight. Maybe I should get a charter ready to escape her fury.