Chapter 21 Learning to Let Go
LEARNING TO LET GO
By Hannah Bell
Learning to let go is not easy, no matter what it is you need to let go of. It’s harder when you have to forgive yourself or forgive others after a relationship has come to an end. When someone dies, it’s hard to move on.
I suffered a loss, and I’ve been carrying the burden of two failed relationships.
For ten years, I’ve been using tons of unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive. Avoidance, denial, habits that should be cut out of my life. A reliance on cabernet and sometimes tequila to get through the day or night because I can control them.
When someone dies, that’s it. You can’t change the story. Whatever you lived through with them is never going to change. In both instances, I hate the old version of myself. I judge who I was, how I acted, and how vulnerable and weak they made me feel.
Locked into what I could’ve done instead of living and becoming what I would like to be, I’ve been frozen in time, pretending everything is alright. When everything is broken, I’ve just lived in denial.
I’ve finally accepted that I’m broken. Holding onto the pieces, faking that I’m fine has been exhausting.
For the first time, I did something for me. I stepped back from everything and everyone, and I’m taking care of myself.
This hiatus just started. Self-care is more than applying a face mask, taking a restorative yoga class, or applying jojoba oil on my hair.
It goes deep down to your soul and should reach all the places you exist. Letting go is self-care.
Forgiving and forgetting will help me move on and finally free myself from the past. The pain I feel as I relive my past and let go is jarring, but knowing there’s a rainbow full of possibilities on the other side keeps me going.
Are you ready to let go of your pain?
Until Next Time