Chapter 20
Are we serious about sending letters?
I must confess, this is different. Pretty retro. I think the last time I sent something similar to this was back on Valentine's Day. Mom made me.
It must have been around kindergarten. I remember sitting at the table along with my sisters and brothers.
We each had to sign our names to a bunch of cards and stuff them in envelopes.
Then seal them with colorful heart stickers.
My cards were Superman (I hate the dude, like seriously he’s the most arrogant superhero).
Jack had taken all the Batman cards. Jason chose SpongeBob.
Alex Spearman
P.S. I don’t want to be that guy, but make sure you call your parents. They’re worried.
Dear Unicorn,
Your feline has a strong personality. We’re still getting to know each other, but maybe by the time you’re back, we’ll be friends. Or he might’ve killed me in my sleep…who knows.
Where in the world are you?
Ethan made it sound like you’re some kind of Carmen Sandiego.
Please, let me know how you’re doing. The last time I saw you, you were…missing your spark.
Alex
P. S. I’m thinking about getting a dog.
P. S. 2 Did you call us a reflex? I feel like you just said that after we’re together, you need to take an antacid and move on. Low blow.
P.S. 3 I can’t believe you keep airing our problems to everyone who will read your articles.
Dear Alex,
Thank you for the pictures and the update on Draco. You asked how I’m doing. I’m well. Have you ever been to the Dominican Republic? In case you’re wondering if I’m on vacation, I’m not. We’re building a school. I’m also teaching English and practicing my Spanish.
There’s something that puzzles me, though, you mentioned that the last time you saw me, I wasn’t myself.
I was missing my spark. It’s been almost seven weeks since the last time you saw me.
First, I didn’t know I glistened like the vampires in Twilight.
Secondly, what do you mean by that? I looked dull?
As far as the letters, well, I really don’t feel like talking right now.
Hannah
P.S. Draco doesn’t like dogs.
P.S. 2 I never compared having sex with you to acid reflux. I said it’s a reflex/habit. Are you still reading my articles? I’m not airing our problems. We are not a couple.
P.S. 3 You’re that guy, I’ll contact my parents when I’m better.
P.S. 4 Thank you for your concern.
Mom,
Where do I start?
I’m sorry about what I said over the phone. You’re more than a mother to me. It was a bad day, maybe a bad week.
The month sucked.
It’s April, and I’m hoping to make amends. Before you ask, no, I didn’t do drugs. I might’ve drunk enough tequila and bourbon to keep a buzz going for a week. But I was safe and with the guys.
I’m traveling. Perhaps you already figured that out, since I’m publishing some articles based on this trip.
What can I say? I was due for a breakdown.
That doesn’t give me license to be cruel, though, and for that, please forgive me. Your birthday is almost here—and so is mine. I know you wanted to do something fun, but let’s pencil it for next year, just the two of us.
I miss our time, and I promise to start going home more often once I’m back.
Love you,
Hannah
P.S. I think the school is going to fire me.
P.S. 2 Say hi to Dad and the kiddos.
Tess: Happy Birthday!
Hannah: How are you?
Tess: Better since the last time we spoke. I can’t believe you’re not talking to anyone. Dad was surprised to hear that you called me. I told him I’m your favorite.
Hannah: It was your birthday. I don’t have favorites.
Tess: I went to the old house.
Hannah: Why would you do that?
Tess: You told me it was full of crap, and curiosity got the best of me. Our rooms were still there, untouched. I grabbed some old pictures of us and old diplomas.
Hannah: Are you okay?
Tess: More than fine. I let go of Alicia long ago. (I’m not judging you. She was worse with you than with anyone else, even at the end.) I’m a mother, and I know what mothers are supposed to do. Sadie is Mom. Maybe she didn’t conceive me, and I missed thirteen years of her, but she’s Mom.
Hannah: I know.
Tess: You were nasty with her.
Hannah: I already apologized. It was a hard day, Tess. It’s been hard for the past ten years.
Tess: Sorry, I feel like I haven’t been there for you as much as I should have.
Hannah: You have been here, I get it. You have a life.
Tess: What’s happening with Alex?
Hannah: Nothing.
Tess: You like him more than just sex, I know you. You don’t want to accept it. From what I read in your last article, I’m guessing you had sex with him in Paris.
Hannah: My battery is about to die.
Tess: Fine, let’s not talk about him. I’m sending you a camera for your birthday, by the way. You should practice photography while you’re away.
Hannah: I love you, sis.
Tess: Love you too, Banana.
Dear Nana,
Why do they call you Nana?
When was the last time I saw you?
… as you know, I went to your apartment the day you left for Cabo. After your friends dismissed me, I stayed at my sister’s place.
Do you know the walls between your apartment and June’s are thin?
(It’s disturbing. My sister heard us having sex. For fuck’s sake, why didn’t you tell me?) Now, back to you, I didn’t mean to listen to your conversation. I just heard a few sentences here and there.
Why do your friends call me Golden Boy? I’m not blonde, just saying. If they have to use my nickname, it’s the Speedman. Just google it.
Back to your spark…when you left, I watched you from afar. You looked defeated, sad...there’re many things I could tell you, but it’s not my place.
Have you talked to your parents? Sadie is sad; I hope you guys patch things up. I’m flattered you’ve told her about me. Does she know about our reflex? I didn’t think we had gone public with our relationship.
Why do you like to teach?
Alex
P.S. We’re talking about a puppy, not a monster.
Dear Reflex,
Why Nana?
When I was fifteen, things got bad between my mother and me. Zeke came to live with us temporarily—as a foster child. It happened when Ethan and Tucker moved in from Texas a year before. Tuck had an attitude problem, and his parents were trying to help him adjust it with music.
I’m sure you know the Deckers—he’s related to them. One of their kids, Ainsley, owns an art academy. She has a program for troubled teenagers. Dad and Gage (that’s Tess’s husband) pushed me to join. Imagine the Breakfast Club, but instead of having a Claire Standish, we had two John Benders.
The guys began to call me Hannah Banana. Zeke was too lazy to say the whole thing and reduced it to Nana. It stuck, and here we are, with Nana.
I’m pretty sure the short answer is because they have nothing better to do than tease me as if I were their little sister. But I felt like sharing the long version with you.
So, you heard part of the conversation. Those days are a blur. Still, I can’t remember everything. The pain I’ve pushed away for years surfaced. I regret some things I said, mainly the way I talked to Mom. She’s been nothing but amazing to me since we met.
Have you ever regretted anything?
Hannah
P.S. Why do you want a dog?
P.S. 2 Why is your name Alexander and not something with a J, like Jupiter, Janus, Julius…
Hannah,
A letter?
It’s the last thing I imagine you’d send, but I love it.
Thank you for the birthday wishes and presents.
I hope the cookies arrive fresh. Ethan said he was sending you an overnight package.
Happy (belated) Birthday, sweetheart. I can’t believe we’re not together to celebrate it.
In the twenty years I’ve known you, this is only the second one I’ve missed.
It’s just as painful as your twelfth birthday.
My favorite one was your 9th birthday. Organizing your party, being in charge of that smile made my entire year. You’ve been mine since you came to my flower shop, never forget that. Even though I have four other kids, you’re my first.
I’ve been keeping up with the magazine. You’re doing great things. I know it’s hard to let go. Please, reach out if you need me. I’ll be here waiting for your call, text, or letter.
Love,
Mom
P.S. We met Alex. He’s good looking and not soulless as you described him.
Nana,
Why Alexander and not James?
I’m special.
Kind of…Mom’s parents died in a car accident a couple of days before I was born. It was kind of like a tribute to my grandfather. I’m sure if they were still alive, my name would be James (that’s Dad’s name), Joshua, Jeffrey, Jordan, or something like that.
Unfortunately, I can’t say I was lucky because I’d rather have met them than be the odd name in the family.
Regrets? I don’t regret what I do, I learn from life.
If I were saving all my mistakes and just grieving them instead of collecting them as pieces of wisdom, my life would have zero meaning. What happened after your mother died is called grief.
Embrace it, go through every step, and then grow from it.
The pup is fun, his name is Bruno. We bonded while I was visiting a friend who happened to have a litter of puppies. This is something I planned before Draco came into my life. I can’t wait for you to meet him.
Alex
P.S. Have you called your parents?