Chapter 36
ALEX
“Everything okay?” Hannah asks, marching out of her room, wearing a pair of jeans and one of my sweatshirts.
“Being the middle child sucks,” I declare, diverting my gaze because she looks adorable and fucking hot wearing my clothes. “My older brothers boss me around, and my younger sisters think they can get away with everything because they’re cute.”
She laughs. “It’s never easy to be a sibling, but it’s great to be a part of a unit.”
“Like the guys?”
“Not many understand us. Some people wonder if I’ve slept with any of them,” she says, putting on her sneakers. “Ready to go.”
“Did he ever ask?” I dare to question.
We leave her apartment and start my usual route. It takes a long time for her to answer my question. “He was jealous of them. Davis never understood they’re my brothers. While I was away, I thought about this. In his mind, that gave him license to sleep around.”
Taking her hand and entwining our fingers, I say, “The past, right?”
“Yeah, there’s a future waiting for me. I’m turning thirty next month.” A wide smile spreads across her face.
“My birthday is in a couple of days,” I say, blowing out a long breath. “I think my brothers came to drag me to Colorado.”
“Your birthday?”
She frowns and gasps. “Oh my God, it was your birthday the day you came…?”
“No, my birthday was a couple of days before,” I answer, disregarding her worry. “It’s fine. I’m in my thirties, not turning five.”
“This year, you should spend it with your family,” she says, taking the leash away from me.
“What about the kids? Bruno hasn’t been apart from Draco since I brought him home.” I run a hand through my hair.
They’re going to be devastated once we separate them.
Why didn’t I think this through?
Did I seriously believe she’d be gone forever, and we’d just keep sending letters to each other?
“We can figure things out,” she suggests. “If you want, I can keep them while you go to Colorado. Bruno seems to like me.”
“Not sure if that’s a good idea,” I respond. “You are going to date, and I really don’t want to mess up their schedule.”
We continue walking in silence. Midway through our walk, I ask, “Do you want anything to eat?”
“We could pick up something,” she says. “You choose, I’m really up for anything.”
I choose poke, we order takeout through an app, and pick it up on our way back. Once I set everything on the table, she says, “Why did I do this to myself? I don’t think I can.”
“What are we talking about?”
“Dating,” she answers as she takes a seat.
I’ve been asking myself the same question since I read the article.
“While I was away, I felt alive, bold.” She pauses and exhales loudly. “Putting myself out there is a bold move. Since my readers were so excited about my journey, I thought, why not, let’s end the cycle.”
“Then, finish the cycle,” I reassure her.
“Easy to say.” She glares at me, and I give her an I got nothing look followed by a shoulder slump.
Anything I say might come out wrong, I have to be careful. “What’s stopping you?”
“Think about science,” she responds. “You work all these theories in your head and write long papers about the hypothesis. Once you’re about to apply it, things look different.”
“Why?”
“With Davis, it was a different dynamic. We did everything based on his followers and his manager.”
If the guy wasn’t dead, I’d try to find him and kill him.
“Letting people in my life is hard,” she continues. “And…”
Her chin drops slightly, and she takes a forkful of food.
“Affirmation,” I say. “You need affirmation. Find that place inside yourself. The one that believes everything is possible. Even starting a new life from the ashes of your old one.”
She turns to look at me, her beautiful eyes shining. “You’re not just reading some of my stuff, you know them by heart.”
“Sometimes I get bored,” I say casually.
Sounds better than saying something along the lines of, I’m a fan, or worse, I read them religiously because I miss you that much. They’re what I read last before I go to bed. That and your letters.
“Since you’re an international playboy, you have to tell me all your secrets,” she requests, only it doesn’t sit well in the pit of my stomach.
That’s no longer me, but how would she know that when all we talked about for the past year was our past? The only reason I know about her present and future is because of the magazine.
“How do you date without the assistance of all those apps?” she asks, drawing a long breath. “Swiping left or right just doesn’t cut it. You can’t judge a person by their lack of marketing skills.”
I can’t help but laugh. She’s really nervous about it.
“Describe to me your last date,” she requests.
“It’s been too long for me to remember,” I respond truthfully.
My exes demanded to go to certain places. With a few clicks, I could just make a reservation or have my sister do it for me. The last time I went out with a woman was...I look up and my answer is right in front of me. Paris. It was spontaneous and one of the best days of my life.
My last date was her. And it sounds selfish, but I don’t want her dating anyone but me. I’ll cheat and put myself in front of the line.
“Why don’t we put you on training wheels?” I suggest.
“Meaning?” She looks at me with concern.
“I take you out on a few dates, teach you how it’s done. Then, we’ll look for the right guy.”
“What’s your ulterior motive?” she asks but doesn’t even let me answer. “I like you, but what happened between us…”
I smirk at her and finish her sentence. “It was awesome. You can’t deny it.”
“Okay, I agree. Some parts were great. The fights weren’t.” She snaps her mouth closed and takes a deep breath. “We can’t go back to that.”
I agree, there’s no way I’m going back to those bloody fights. We’re different people. We changed. Haven’t we?
“It’s just like when I took Draco into my care. Let me help you as your friend.”
“You promise?” There’s hesitation and yet excitement in her voice.
“What do you want me to promise?”
She sucks her bottom lip. My mouth waters because I know it tastes delicious, and I miss kissing her.
“That there’s no ulterior motive,” she responds.
I lift my hands as if surrendering.
She looks at me suspiciously.
“Friends,” I repeat. “You know the concept, right?”
“Just friends,” she says those words suspiciously. “I want to believe you, but…”
“Then, please believe me,” I say, trying to reassure her that nothing will go beyond a date. Which is true.
I’ll behave like a gentleman and make sure to keep my distance, but there’s something I’m not telling you. While we’re practicing, I’m bringing my A game and sweeping you off your feet.
“Since my brothers are in town, we can do something light tonight. Then, we’ll get you started tomorrow. Maybe on my birthday, I’ll take you somewhere fancy.”
Fuck, why am I offering to do this? It’s just what June wanted. No, June wants me to watch over Hannah. I’m dating Hannah under false pretenses.
“We’ll see about your birthday, but I might accept the rest,” she confirms.
It’s so easy to fall back into...her. The hard part is going to be staying away from her and keeping it simple. Friendly.
Can we be just friends?