Chapter 1
Kennedy
I didn't want to go downstairs and mingle with anyone. I just wanted to stay in my room, write in my diary, and imagine scenarios I'd never get to live. A girl could dream, right?
Right now, I was thinking about sex and what I wanted it to be the second time around since the first time was nowhere near satisfying. This time I didn't want it to be with an asshole who got dared to charm the innocent nerd who "might" be a virgin.
I wanted it to be genuine and passionate—not with some jock who thought he was skilled in that department and clearly wasn't.
It had hurt for two days, and I swore to myself never to get with a man again. But the world was big and it wasn't all assholes. There were genuine people out there who could make me have a good time, and I was banking on that happening one day.
My thoughts were wild enough that I didn't even mind more than one guy.
The more the merrier, right? Two sets of hands on my body.
Two mouths. The kind of attention that would make me feel wanted, desired, worshipped.
Someone to look at me and know exactly who I was beneath all the achievements and expectations.
Someone who wanted Kennedy the woman, not Kennedy the lawyer's daughter.
I wanted the experience—to break out of my shell and prove to myself that I wasn't just some nerd destined to marry a guy my parents thought was suitable. Some guy from my dad's law firm who wore a suit every day and talked business even during personal time.
I'd discovered a long time ago that I didn't want that life. I wanted passion and the kind of pleasure I'd only read about. Not a life slaved to a desk in an unhappy marriage.
My gaze lowered to my diary, and I wrote exactly how I felt.
The words poured out—raw and uncensored.
Things I'd never say aloud. Things that would horrify my mother and disappoint my father.
Since I didn't really have a friend I could tell these things to, my diary became the only place I could be honest.
It'd be better that way anyhow. Secrets were better kept to yourself.
Except I was wrong about that.
"Yo nerd herd, Mom's calling you downstairs."
The diary fell from my lap when I heard my sister's voice behind me. I gasped, panicking, and quickly picked the book from the floor, clutching it tightly to my chest.
Kate stared at me with a frown.
"I thought I told you to knock first?" I said, pissed.
"How about you actually lock your room door next time if you want privacy?"
I stood, shoving the diary into my nightstand drawer. "What does Mom want?"
"How should I know?" Kate leaned against the doorframe. "Probably wants to show you off to the aunts again."
My stomach dropped. The aunts. "They're here already?"
"Yep. Aunt Janice brought her famous potato salad." Kate's eyes narrowed. "What were you doing anyway, fingering an encyclopedia?"
She chortled, and I rolled my eyes. Having a bratty teenage sister didn't exactly make my life easier. Since being back from college, it had been anything but.
"Very funny."
"I try." She grinned. "You coming or what?"
I huffed out a breath and brushed past her, heading downstairs.
In my haste to escape Kate's mockery, I forgot to lock my door behind me.
I could hear her giggles behind me as I went into the living room where my aunts and parents were.
There was also my cousin Nicole, who sought refuge on her phone, a small frown on her face while she scrolled away in a corner.
I cleared my throat, mustering a smile as I stepped inside. "Hi, Aunt Janice, Aunt Claire. It's nice to see you," I said politely.
When they saw me, their faces lit up. They stood and walked toward me.
"Aww, Kennedy, you look as lovely as ever—just a ray of sunshine," Aunt Janice said, hugging me.
I smiled. "Thank you. You should tell me your skincare routine. You've looked the same ever since I was a baby."
She blushed and fanned me off playfully. "Aww, you're too sweet."
I smiled, turning to Aunt Claire, who I took my time to hug. She was a little sterner—much like my mother, who was always poised.
"Hi, Aunt Claire."
She smiled. "Look at you. You have a lot more flesh on your bones since the last time we saw each other."
My cheeks warmed. I went to take a seat on an empty sofa chair. Mom and Dad sat beside each other, looking proud for some reason.
"The freshman fifteen finally caught up with you, hmm?" Aunt Claire settled back into her seat.
"I... I guess so." I laced my fingers together, wishing I could disappear.
"It looks good on you, dear," Aunt Janice said quickly. "You were always so thin before."
"So..." Aunt Janice continued. "How does it feel being back home?"
"Um... good. I'm happy to have a room to myself again."
A room where I could write things no one was supposed to read. Where I could be someone other than the perfect daughter.
She chuckled. "I bet you missed your mother's cooking."
"Of course." The lie came easily. I'd learned to give them what they wanted to hear.
"Perhaps you could give Nicole a few tips since she's going to start college next year."
"Sure, whenever she's ready."
I glanced at Nicole, who looked unimpressed. She paused for a second to scan the room, and then she was back scrolling away on her phone.
"Nicole, put that thing away," Aunt Janice said. "We have company."
Nicole sighed dramatically but pocketed her phone.
I cleared my throat a little to ease the awkward tension that had suddenly fallen inside the room.
"Do you plan on finding work soon?" Aunt Claire asked. "Or are you taking some time off to... explore your options?"
"I already have a position lined up for her as a junior associate at the firm," Dad said, and I managed a tight smile.
The firm. His firm. My entire future decided before I'd even graduated.
"Oh, that's... that's very generous, Dad. Thank you." The words tasted like ash.
"That's wonderful!" Aunt Janice said. "Working with your father—what an opportunity."
"You should be proud of yourself, Kennedy. You're only twenty-four, a licensed lawyer, and you're a pretty girl. A lot of things will work in your favor moving forward."
I smiled. "Thanks, Aunt Claire."
Pretty. Licensed. Twenty-four. The words felt hollow. None of them were me. They were just checkboxes on someone else's list of what made a woman valuable.
"When do you start?" Mom asked.
"We're thinking next month," Dad answered for me. "Give her some time to settle in first."
Next month. Four weeks until I stepped into the life they'd planned. Four weeks of freedom left.
Just then my sister, Kate, entered the room, a mischievous look on her face that made my brows furrow. She took a seat, looking calm and collected.
Something was wrong. Kate was never this quiet.
"There she is," Mom said. "Kate, sit up straight."
Kate adjusted her posture with exaggerated precision.
"I wish Kate here would take a page out of her sister's book," Aunt Claire said, "but she can't stay focused enough to finish a thought without getting distracted by her own reflection."
Kate paled, her jaw clenching. Nicole giggled in a corner, having finally found something to distract her from her phone.
"What do you want to be in life, Kate?" Aunt Claire asked.
Kate only shrugged. "I don't know," she murmured.
Mom scoffed. Dad shook his head.
I knew that scoff. That headshake. I'd spent years trying to avoid earning them myself.
"At your age, Kennedy already knew she wanted to go into law," Aunt Janice said.
"Did she?" Kate's voice was quiet. Dangerous.
"Of course she did," Mom said. "She's always been so driven."
Kate's hands clenched in her lap. I saw it happen. Saw the moment something inside her snapped.
"Maybe she'll become a pole dancer," Nicole teased from her corner.
I frowned. Aunt Janice and Aunt Claire gasped.
"Nicole!"
I looked back at Kate and realized she was sitting there, silently fuming, tears brimming in her eyes.
"That's not funny, Nicole," I said quietly.
"Never mind her, Kate," Aunt Janice said.
Kate bounded from her seat, tears spilling from her eyes. "You all want me to take a page out of my perfect big sister's book so bad, don't you?"
The room went still. Every eye turned toward Kate, then toward me.
"Kate, sit down," Dad said.
"No." Kate's voice shook. "You want to know what your perfect daughter is really like?"
My stomach dropped.
"Well, little miss perfect doesn't give a shit about the life y'all got planned out for her. Instead, she's fantasizing about multiple men having sex with her!"
The words hung in the air.
Each syllable was a detonation.
I froze, my cheeks stinging.
No. No, she didn't just—
Shock and silence filled the room.
"Kate!" Mom exclaimed.
Kate turned to Mom, who looked as though she'd just seen a ghost.
"She has a diary, Mom! She writes all sorts of things in it. How she doesn't want a marriage like you and Dad's, how she hates how robotic this family is, and then most of the pages are fantasies about men having her in all sorts of positions, entering her raw—"
"That's enough, young lady!" Dad shouted, and silence crashed down.
I couldn't move. Couldn't speak. My entire body had turned to stone.
This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.
I could hear my own heart thumping in my chest. I felt nauseous.
"Kennedy?" Mom's voice was small. Horrified. "Is this true?"
I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.
"Of course it's not true," Aunt Janice said. "Kate's just being dramatic—"
Through my blurry gaze, I saw Kate dashing from the room. She was back in a second, and my throat constricted when I saw her with a blue book in her hand, slapping it onto the coffee table.
It was my diary.
My private thoughts. My secret desires. My shame. All of it sitting there for everyone to see.
"See for yourself," she hissed. "Your golden child isn't so perfect after all."
"Kennedy, what is this?" Dad's voice was ice.
"I... it's just..." My voice cracked. "It's private."
"Private?" Mom's hand covered her mouth.
Nicole was the first to get up and look. Aunt Janice and Claire didn't want to make it obvious that they wanted to see, but they slowly scooted over, craning their heads to read the pages.
They were reading it. Reading my words. Reading about what I wanted, who I wanted to be, the things that made me someone other than their perfect Kennedy.
"Oh my God," Nicole breathed. "She's serious."
"This is..." Aunt Claire's face had gone white. "I don't even know what to say."
I sat there, unable to believe this was happening to me.
I should have known better. Kate was always the mischievous troublemaker.
I shouldn't have allowed her to see where I'd put my book.
I should have locked the door after. But never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think she'd expose me like this.
I stood when the initial shock seemed to fade. Horrified murmurs rippled through the room while they read my darkest secrets. My body was stiff as I walked toward the coffee table and snatched the book back.
"Kennedy—" Mom started.
"Don't." I held the diary against me protectively.
Let them be horrified. These were my thoughts. My desires. Mine.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that's how you felt," Aunt Janice said, her voice tight, "but robotic? … And what's wrong with marriages like ours? Not everyone needs fireworks, Kennedy."
I blinked. I hadn't meant her specifically, but I could see how she'd taken it that way.
I shook my head. "This isn't about you. Any of you."
"Then what is it about?" Dad demanded.
I couldn't answer. The words wouldn't come.
I walked to my room, blindly finding my way because of the tears blurring my vision. I was shaking, my body numb.
How could I ever recover from this?